Hi. I am a 29 year old stay home mom. We have one child - a two year old boy. Being an SAHM has been so much harder than I ever imagined. The toughest part has been the sameness of everyday - the routine of it. And feeling so seperate from the rest of the world. And the loneliness - it kills me. And makes me so dependant on my husband for emotional support. Sometimes I worry that I will totally wear him out with my neediness.

I have had anxiety for years, ever since I was little. But I've noticed a pattern since becoming an SAHM. Seems like the during the day, when it is just my son and I - I fall into this pit. My anxiety skyrockets and my mind races and I get so discouraged. I have a tough time controlling my thoughts during the day. But once my husband and family gets home from work (we are living with my parents right now, as we can not afford to live on my husbands income alone and are firm about not putting our son into daycare) my anxiety usually starts to subside. Seems like once people get home and the evening gets busier, I kindof forget what I was so worried about.

There are periods of time when I am having severe panic attacks for days on end, when nothing helps calm me down, except sleep and mdication. But normally, my anxiety is worst during the long days at home alone.

Has anyone else expereinced this? Do you have any suggestions on what to do? I am so discouraged and frustrated right now. Feels like eveyday I go through this really dark period where I just emotionally spiral downwards.

Any thoughts or suggestions? Take care and I hope you are all having a good day!

-Cheyenne

Hi Cheyenne!

I am not a stay at home mom, but a student and "domestic engineer". I know what you mean.

I got bored over Christmas break. There was not much to do, it got lonely. It was too cold outside, no money to go shopping. So I had too much time on my hands to think and get anxious here and there. What I found is that I forced myself to get out no matter what. I went to the mall just to walk around. There are also matinee movies that are cheap and there are lots of moms there to talk to. Are there any chuch groups? The church I attend has mom meeting during the day, like a bible study support group. The church provides free child care. It is a couple of hours, but it gets you out of the house and socializing. My mom said she got the same way. She said she felt like a prisoner in her own home, my father was very controlling and she was not allowed to have any friends.

Are there any other SAHM that get together for play dates or coffee? Moms here rotate hosting play dates. The library may have day programs for moms and toddlers too. Maybe you can organize a play date thing? Even group outings to a children museum, zoo are great things to do. You will not feel so isolated, alone and a prisoner of your home. LizB

Hi Cheyenne,
I was a stay at home mom as well for 4 years, I wasn't anxious at the time, but I did find myself falling into a rut, so to speak, I wouldn't rush to get dressed in the morning and we would hang out forhours, it does get lonely and confining at times, I then started working out of my house, this was a big relief for me, I was used to working and then I stopped pretty much for a while when my kids were babies. You need to find something that you enjoy, that you can look forward to each day, a hobby or an activity. I would contact the local hospital or your pediatrician to see if there are any mom's groups or start one yourself. Just knowing, say, Tuesday is play date day, you look forward to it and you can interact with other adults that share the same things as you.

For example, my neighbor has been laid off for 1 1/2 years and he has a 2 year old little boy, his wife works and he stays home. He is getting himself into a funk because he is not working and he is not with any adults much. He often comes over and we chat and just that hour or half hour breaks up his day.

Maybe sign your child up for gymnastics, or tumble classes, or gymboree. Something that stimulates him/her and allows you to interact and possibly meet new people.

Try to get out every day. Don't let those dark time during the day get you down. You are doing what is best for your child by staying home, but you and the baby need socialization.

So, think about a hobby or a project that you may want to work on and start it. I do understand how you feel as many SAHM have gone thru, you are not abnormal, it isn't easy, in fact I think ti is the hardest job in the world, but one you will be glad that you did! Take care and get out and do!

Since you likely worked full-time before your son was born, you're used to being on a schedule. I found that making a schedule and sticking to it really helped me - even if it included things like grocery shopping, visiting the local "tot spot" weekly, taking a walk a few times a week, going to playgroup, etc. Also, having your son on a routine during the day helps everyone (meal times, nap times, etc.). Also, I got out as much as I could, especially when I had a 2 year old and a newborn - otherwise I got caught in an endless cycle of feedings, diaper changes, picking up toys, meals, etc. I found that getting up and out in the morning (pack a lunch and snacks), then coming home in the afternoon for naps, worked really well for me. It's such a shock going from a very regimented day to a wide-open schedule - you need some of that routine back. I also strongly agree with getting a playgroup together - if you don't have somewhere that offers one, put a notice up in the local super market (my friend did that and ended up creating a Mother's Club with 300 members!) Good luck - and don't forget to live in the present moment and cherish this time - even if it's hard. My kids are 8 and 6 now (very enjoyable ages) but they're gone all day! It goes by in a flash.

chy,
Yup, i was a stay at home mom. I worked off and on till my kids were 3yrs old, then my husband and i both decided i would stay home. After a while i felt the same as you, bored, like i was missing out on things going on in the world. But, i was older, 28yrs old when anxiety struck. So rather than really do anything, it was my excuse to stay home and never do anything. Before long i was agoraphobic, and couldnt do anything outside the house. Im no longer agoraphobic, but i would like to suggest something to you. Even with anxiety, lots of churchs have what they call , Mothers day out. It where you can drop your child off for the day, and do whatever you want to do. Its not expensive and its just one day a week, but if you think that might help you, its worth a try. It would maybe even give you a new lease on life and your anxiety. You wouldnt feel stuck or in a pit. Maybe get a hobby that would help take your mind off your anxiety. A SAHM is the hardest job a woman can have, so pamper yourself now and then, give yourself a break, and enjoy something you love to do. Take CareNelly

Chy,

I'm a stay-at-home mom and there have been many times I thought I'd go mad from the tedious routine of cooking, cleaning and changing diapers. Now my son is six and in first grade, so keeping him entertained isn't an issue anymore; but when he was just three months old, I started a playgroup by placing an ad in our neighborhood newspaper. I made a lot of friends that way. We would take turns hosting the playgroup at our houses, and in nice weather we would meet at a park. Once a month we had a "Mom's Night Out" where just the moms would go out for dinner and a movie or shopping. It was a lifesaver for me. If you don't have a neighborhood newspaper, maybe you can make up a flyer advertising a playgroup and post it at your church, library, YMCA, etc. There is also a national playgroup called "MOPS" that might have a chapter in your area. If you Google in MOPS, you should be able to find a location near you. I've also met other moms at parks, the community pool and Story Hour at the library. I kept a stack of cards in my purse with my with my name & number and if I met someone new, I'd give her my card and invite her to join the playgroup. I also joined the local YMCA one year and a health club the next; both of which offered childcare, so while I did aerobics or yoga, my son played with the other children. Another thing that is important is to have a "date night" with your husband at least once a month where you do something fun together. I find that it helps to keep on top of current events so I have something interesting to talk to my husband about besides our son's chronic constipation.

Now that my son is in school all day, I work at home part-time doing medical transcription, which breaks up the daily routine and allows me to earn a little extra money while still being a stay-at-home mom. A lot of my friends have part-time jobs outside the home, which allows them to enjoy social interaction with other adults.

As other posters have said, it is important to find something you enjoy doing just for yourself, whether it be painting, writing, scrapbooking, decorating... anything to get the creative juices flowing. I think if you keep yourself busy, you won't focus on the anxiety as much. I know if I'm not busy enough, I "think too much" and find all kinds of things to worry about.

Jen

I went through the same thing recently. I've been working from home for almost a year now. I'm trying to figure out the the best things to share with you without writing a book. I pray the Lord guides my words. Ok, what you are experiencing is normal. Let me say that first. Alot of women who become stay at home moms go through it. If you struggle with anxiety which most people do (they just don't know they are stuggling with anxiety) it can make it that much harder. When you start working from home, you don't have the social interaction available to you during the day as in an office setting. Then on top of that you are naturally inclined to isolate yourself even further. You might find yourself withdrawn for whatever reason from friends that you use to talk to or spend time with. These are the steps that I took:
1. Daily exercise is very important for managing anxiety and depression
In terms of anxiety it helps your work off excess adrenaline that is caused by anxiety. The excess adrenaline can cause headaches and can put you in a "fight or flight" posture.
In terms of depression, it releases hormones called endorphines into your system, which will boost your mood.
2. Reach out to your female friends, tell them you want to connect with them. Put yourself out there in terms of your need for that interaction. Schedule lunch dates on the weekend if you can. You need interaction with your female friends.
3. You diet. Inflammatory foods can affect your mood. Try to improve the quality of foods that you eat. More fruit and vegetables, less fried foods and greasy, fattening foods. It will help your mood dramatically
4.Do things slow - I don't know if you are the type of person that is constantly rushed, but I know I was for no reason. I had to slow down in everything that I do. From using the bathroom to eating a meal.

If you do these things, I know it will make a dramatic difference in your life.
It did in mine.

Everyone has offered great advice, and I definitely agree with it. I just wanted to add that you should also try to get away in the evening, even if it's just once a week, and let your hubby watch baby. I found a beginner's jazz class that I loved, and while it's nice to do things all day with other mommies and kids, it's also very important to remember who YOU are, not as mommy, but YOU as the wonderful succulent woman you are. Plus for me, as much as I love my daughter, I need a little time away from her and all of it. So look at community ed...is there something you want to learn? It could be pottery, a finance class, yoga, or you could just go to a cafe and read a book, write some poetry. Just think about what you used to do before baby that brought you JOY. And then be sure to include that in your week somewhere. It can only benefit you and your child.

The other thing I want to mention is I hated to put my babe in childcare, but I hated sitting around and doing the "mommy's group" thing and all of the other SAHM stuff as well, so I actually found a job at a daycare where I could be with my sweetie, AND I'm getting paid for it! This has changed my life. I can't tell you how happy I am.

And finally, as you can see, you are not alone. What you are feeling is perfectly normal and natural. Your life has "stopped" and you are spending your entire day catering to someone else. It's the most precious, generous thing, but that doesn't mean it's easy!

Good luck to you,
Rebecca

Hi, those sound like classic anxiety/panic symptoms
- reminds me so much of my
own experience. Don't worry - this is a very common affliction and
there's a lot of info out there
for you. I used a technique offered by SelfTherapy.org that was simple
yet wonderfully effective
for me - changed my life. But that's just one approach. In many cases
just plain simple exercise
can release a lot of the built up energy that transforms into anxiety.
Good luck!

hi,
i can relate to what you are saying. my advice is to start slowly, and get yourself involved in projects and stuff involving getting out of the house and other people. like, maybe there is something that you've always wanted to learn? maybe how to cook certain dishes? or how to paint? you could get the materials and have something to work on at home that takes your mind off of being home w/out any adult interactions all day. next, you could try to find playgroups that you can bring your kids to where you could meet and chat w/other parents. etc. etc. and see if that helps at all.

I too am a stay at home mom by day to a 2 year old and a 4 month old,I however work 7pm-7am as a nurse 3 days a weeks. I am a firm believer in networking with other Moms either through a church group or a playgroup. My two year old and I do Gymnastics, Mops, and storytime at the library. At first I was a bundle of nerves everytime I went to anything like this. My thoughs were constantly running, like what if she is unruly and people think I am a bad Mommy, or what if I has a reacton to a food and need to go to the hospital that would really be embarassing... But staying hom and having to redirect her fifty million times a day is much worse than any posible what if. I am sure that this is a hard time for you! Please go out and do something. Feed ducks at a local park, collect leaves anything that will break the cycle!