My daughter is 9 and has been diagnosed with an eating disorder. She hides food, wants to be thin, …. She has always worried about lots of things. Her behavior lately has been unbearable. Sad, crying, and auguring with us on everything. It is taking a toll on myself I’m always thinking of her well being. She is seeing a nutritionist, pediatrician, and soon a psychiatrist. One of the doctors suggested Zoloft but that scares me. I am getting very depressed myself.

I'm a recovered anorexic and I honestly don't think that antidepressants help with an eating disorder.
Unfortunately, recovery can only begin once you start to love yourself and value yourself for who you are. She will be very combative, this for her is a coping mechanism. She has control over one thing in her life and it will become very important to her, nothing else will exist.
I was offered help many times, but it only worked when I was ready, and ready for me meant that I was close to death.
I would suggest a support group if you can find one, but one that has a moderator, otherwise girls tend to share tips on how to stay thin or get thinner.
You can't let yourself get depressed, you must stay strong for your child.
Good luck and God Bless

This must be very stressful for you. What kind of female role models does she have? Does she have an older sister, cousin, or aunt who she looks up to who might talk to her in an unthreatening setting? Has anything significant happened to your daughter that might have affected her in some way? (problems with friends/boyfriends, any kind of abuse, death in the family, problems in school). The media that our children are exposed to doesn't help either. It seems Hollywood sets image standards that the public can't meet which eventually takes a toll on self esteem.

I agree with Paula's suggestion on finding a moderated support group. Most important, she needs to understand that an eating disorder is not something to just shrug her shoulders at. It's not the "cool" thing to have. Another thing: Be aware of other women/girls she has contact with. If these women/girls don't have high esteems themselves, it's going to be much easier for her to model their behavior.

Good luck to you and let us know how she progresses.

Celeste

Things have gotten way worse for my daughter. The eating disorder is in check because the professionals told us to make her eat. She is eating more and adding a variety of things to her diet. I think she got “scared into it. This happened after taking her to nutritionists, Hospital outpatient, and my ex wife and I go to a therapist for recommendations on helping her eat. Now she is very defiant with everything. We noticed she smelled and found out she has had a lot of accidents in her pants and will not change her underwear or even take a tub to clean herself. The other morning she was asked to tub and she began talking to herself in the mirror. She was saying “what should I do” they want me to take a tub. Is this anxiety ? My ex wife is what I call an alarmist thinks my daughter has some kind of paranoia or scitsophrinia (SP?) She’s ready to commit her.
Tomorrow my wife is asking my daughter’s Dr to put her on Zoloft. This whole situation upsets myself, ex wife, and son.

WorriedDad,
Please seek professional help -therapist/psychologist/psychiatrist for your daughter and your family as a whole.
There are tons of wonderful, loving people here on the forums, but this is not the place to get help for your daughter.
My heart goes out to you.
God bless and hugs.

Hi worriedDad,

Was just wondering how your daughter was making out. After reading your last post, I noticed you mentioned "ex-wife". Did this just happen recently? Maybe your divorce has affected her more than you realize. Children talk to themselves all the time and may even have imaginary friends. She may even be doing it for attention but it sounds as though your daughter might be experiencing problems that zoloft alone will not help. I hope she's feeling better and good luck.

Hi Dad,

First, let me say that you seem like a very loving father. I know how much this hurts and you obviously love your daughter very much. The things you describe sound like they could be some other type of mental disorder like your ex mentioned. Yet, it also could be a cry for attention. I, too, suffered from an eating disorder starting from about age 11. But, I also had some issues similar to what you are describing. Not soiling myself...but faking illnesses and staying home from school to avoid social situations but also to get attention. I would make up illnesses...tried to brake my own ankle to get attention so that I could use crutches. I know...it sounds sick. I was sick. Although I didn't soil myself, I also had a hard time with my periods - keeping myself clean - and grooming in general. I went through a period of just not wanting to wash my hair or take care of myself.

I believe it was a combination of wanting attention...wanting my parents to take care of me...and severe depression. I had no coping skills.

The good news is...I got over that. I think it has to do with feelings of self-worth and self loathing...that you truly don't care at all about yourself. Talking to herself...we all have self-talk, just most of us do it in our head not out loud. Could be a sign of another mental disorder - or could be another cry for attention. She may be SCREAMING to you and her mom "Please help me, please take care of me."

I am a divorced and remarried mother. My husband and his ex have had a VERY bitter on-going battle over the last 11 years. The other thing I would ask is, is your daughter being used as a pawn in the divorce? Is she being used to "get back" at the other spouse? If she is, this may be her way of screaming "STOP." She may be trying to get the focus onto taking care of HER...not using her?

Just a thought...but it sounds like all of you probably need more concentrated help with a good dr. who can work with all 4 of you.

Take care...

Dear worrieddad,

your post caught my attention immediately. I have a 17 year old daughter who, about a year ago, began to loose weight to the point where she was only 86 lbs. My husband and I were in a tailspin taking her to many doctors worried she had an eating disorder. After countless appointments with various doctors we found out she has anxiety and panic disorder. For her, when she had a panic attack, she would feel prickly on her neck and chest, very hot, flushed and it would sometimes end with her throwing up. It is all uncontrollable once the panic attack starts, so she couldn't stop it once it started. So her way of making sure she wouldn't throw up in front of kids in school, was to not eat. It took a few months until she could even tell us what was happening to her. She was scared out of her wits thinking she was going crazy. We have since been seeing a phychiatrist who prescribed Zoloft for her. I too was not happy about her being on the medication. However, for her immediate health, we had no choice. The med. has helped the panic attacks subside and she gained back 17 lbs over the past year. She still struggles with anxiety and we continue to get her help through a therapist who practices cognitive behavior therapy. This helps to train her to react differently to the things that stress her most. By no means are we out of the woods totally. But many doctors told us she had an eating disorder. But it was all because of the anxiety and panic attacks. Be careful not to force feed your daughter. I'm sure you are seeking the best doctors for your daughter. Consider that the eating problems might be due to the anxiety or even panic attacks. I wish you luck and I'll pray for you.

Thanks for your last post. After taking Zoloft for 10 days I can honestly say my daughter seems to be less sad and worrisome. She expressed that she didn’t want to see a new child therapist we have interviewed but I think it is necessary. I also agree that the eating disorder is to control anxiety. The eating disorder therapist didn’t like the fact that we wanted to switch gears and proceed with a child therapist who can help with anxiety. Its amazing the different opinions you get from the different professionals.
Our biggest success this past weekend was when my daughter and I were watching a scary movie and she wanted me to hold her. It’s been a long time that my daughter asked for a hug. Or didn’t back away when I tried to give her one. Thanks again for your input and concern.

Glad to hear your daughter seems to be responding to the Zoloft. It is so hard to find the right doctors to help. We used our family md as our main doctor and she recommended psychologists to us. But we went through several before we found one my daughter was comfortable with. We were so anxious for our daughter to make progress in the sessions that we sometimes felt disappointed if she didn't seem to be totally into the sessions or said she didn't want to go. But we soon realized that the therapy has to go at the kids pace, not the parents. It takes time for them to figure out what is bothering them and put it into words. If your daughter has been anxious for years, she might not even know the signs that come before the anxious episodes. Because she has been dealing with it for so long. Hopefully the therapist can help her, and you, see the signs or trigger points that lead up to the anxiety, so you can alleviate the cause before she gets so worked up.

Good luck and ultimately, you know your daughter better than the therapist, so if they suggest something you don't feel comfortable with, you have to go with your gut and be your daughter's voice in those situations. Sometimes you might know better what she will respond to.

Check in again and update us on her progress.