I am on week 12th of the program and I am still having problems with socializing with others. I have a question: Since 2002 when my father die his cousin who I only have seen twice in my lifetime invites me and my family every year for the holidays and I always don't go. I don't like this person she talks about others and made a comment to me at my father's funeral that I did not feel comfortable with. So should I still go or not, even if I don't like her or feel comfortable around her? Any suggests?

Kathy
You have an oportunity to practice socializing in this situation with your father's cousin. She seems willing to have you over. Why not go and see what's up? What have you got to lose? You can practice your socializing skills in an environment where you do not have to feel pressured to keep the relationship--- basically bc there really no relationship there to keep. You can then reward yourself for your efforts and practice and who knows? maybe your father's cousin is a really fine person to get to know. Maybe she says things that offend others bc she is nervous too??

My opinion... it's worth investigating.

Kathy,
I agree with Bakedpears. It is worth investigating. And yes alot of times people say one thing but really deep within them there is something else going on that you may not be aware of. Maybe she has her issues that she hasn't or is trying to deal with and she just doesn't know any other way to express herself. People are what they are taught. But I believe behind all of that exterior actions, there usually is a very good person there at heart, it just takes some investigating. Take care Kathy and I hope everything works out well for you and remember to give yourself the praise you deserve. After all, It takes alot of courage to change. many blessings to you. and please let me know how things went.

What if this person made a comment about my brother on his looks or said some things about my great great uncle who was a very nice man. And some other comments that I don't want to get into. That would be hard to socialize with someone like that even known I need the practice. Should I still go with the bad comments and the negative responsives from her.

Kathy,
If there are other family members there, you might enjoy it. You dont have to spend all your time with this particular aunt. And maybe she has changed, if not, then you can make your decision about next year. Take Care Nelly

Yes, what Nello said. There may be other relatives there to enjoy. Also, don't force it. If you feel the practice is not worth the conflict of being around this person, that's fine. Just make your decision based on what is right for YOU. Do not let fear make your decision for you. Know that you are strong enough to handle negative comments from others, but if you choose not to subject yourself to it at this time, fine. Allow yourself to pass on that opportunity. Don't feel guilty. Either choice is fine. Fear/anxiety wants you to feel weak and unable to handle the negativity and therefor stay home. You don't want fear/anxiety making your world smaller and smaller and telling you where you can go and where you can't go. You can handle other's negataive comments and you can handle your own anger at the comments. This is a fact. But standing up to negative comments does not mean going to the party and confronting this person. That is one way. Another way is to pass on the party and let go of any guilt, fear, conflict you might feel, in other words, to be at peace with your choice. Don't put yourself in a no win situation. You have suffered enough pain lately. Give yourself permission to feel good about any choice you make right now.

This is also an opportunity to use your assertive skills. You will probably be relieved to have a great time. If she talks about others...she is not a safe person to share anything you don't want another to know. So be selective If a comment happens and you feel you can't ignore it...confronting her at another time (when she isn't entertaining)with the "I" messages share with her how you feel, how you don't like to be talked to or treated that way. Good luck if you decide to investigate.