HAVE YOU EXHUMED THE CORPSE?
Please share with us your experience or positive suggestions on this topic.

We all need closure, if possible, in areas that cause us anxiety, guilt, anger and or depression. If you got past an issue and buried it, got past the guilt, and have forgiven self or the other party, than LET DEAD DOGS LAY. DON'T EXHUME THE BODY - YOU WILL JUST FIND BONES.

Example: Something was done that was heinous in nature and therefore has caused a lot of pain. For myself, it was what I perceived at the time as neglect at a hospital that contributed possibly to my father's death and my own guilt. For others, it may be an experience to themselves or a loved one that took a lot out of them to get closure, if ever. Currently, it will be the pain and emotion that the parents and students feel over the "High School shootings." It could be a smaller but nevertheless painful issue.

FORGIVENESS DOES NOT NECESSARRILY MEAN YOU WILL FORGET. You just won't think of it as often and when you do you won't feel the intense pain.

This program and lesson 9 is outstanding. But, by error I learned that although it may bring me down memory lane, which is okay and normal, I should not allow myself to open the wound. I am going forward now and learned and therefore I grow.

If you can take a couple minutes with this topic and share, it may really help one of us on the forum who has gone thru the same or similar situation. When it is deep and unresolved yet, as it might be for one of the members, it might be something that they could not bring themselves to post. Therefore, with any that have found closure they can share from the negative experience and therefore something good can come out of it for that one and others suffering.
Perhaps this can be a healing question.

Thanks for your sharing and empathy because that is what this forum seems to be all about
Sincerely,
Victoria


------------------
Victoria

[This message has been edited by Victoria (edited 03-17-2001).]

Victoria,
I still bring up old problems in my mind and mull over them, feeling the pain or anxiety all over again. I think that we all do this. Some topics do need to be brought back up in order for us to be fully healed and to get over them. But, here's an example (hope it doesnt freak anyone out...if you're scared by real-life stories, then don't read the rest!) of something that I have gotten over. My ex-boyfriend, after we had been broken up, went crazy and was so angry and mentally ill that he tried to kill me. My father was in his way and he did happen to kill him. For a while I blamed myself for my fathers death...like it was my fault that the guy killed him. Now I realize that there was no way that I could have known that this guy would have done a thing like this. It's not my fault at all...in fact, I am a victim of what happened. When I do happen to think about it, I just remind myself that it wasn't my fault, and I say it with confidence. This helps...its like someone else was talking to me and reassuring me about it. So there's my (extreme) example. Hope it doesnt scare anyone....but thanks for listening!

Last night I had, as Oprah says, a "lightbulb moment". I was reading Helmstetter's book and realized that my current panic attacks are the result of the first one; and how my brain put it into my memory to retreive it everytime I get the least bit dizzy or tired or sick.

I can't beleive I am about to write this to the world. My big secret.

Anyway, last night I realized that I had my first panic attack after having an abortion at age 23; that was 20 years ago. That evening I got a very high fever and as the drs office had instructed me I called to let them know.

Since I was hiding this from my family and most of my friends, I had to first pretend that I was fine. Then I made some calls and arranged to go to a friend's house to call the doctor. So I hopped in my car (afraid I was really sick or in some sort of danger) to go to their house to call the doctor. The secrecy and all that secrets and lies do to a person combined with a high fever my heart began to race, I started to feel dizzy and then had the first attack and felt panicky the entire drive there. Having never remembered feeling that way I just knew that something serious was wrong; I must be about to die. I had heard horror stories of other people dying or almost dying from abortions.

When I talked with the doctor I received my first "rejection" to my symptoms. I told him I was dizzy, had a high fever, etc. He said it was nothing and to take 2 tylenols and sent me on my way.

I was in such denial about what I had done. I was running around trying to appear "normal" all the time wondering if anyone knew. At the time I was told that I wasn't aborting anything more than a mass of cells. I was so out of touch with my feelings that I was really stressed out and didn't realize it.

Anyway, Helmstetter's book is helping me to see how my brain reacts after I feel certain feelings or see certain things. The key is to learn how to reprogram my brain. I think that's what's happening with the Midwest program.



------------------
Always Hopeful, Betsy H.
Marietta, GA (East Cobb)

Betsy,
Sounds like you are on the right track. I think there is so much to our memories. The more we react to the memories of a panic attack or a stressful time the more the body symptoms increase and the wheel runs out of control. I think sharing your story is a wonderful way to heal. I hope you have forgiven yourself about the abortion and are able to move forward from here. Thank you for your courage to share and in the process help others of us with anxiety!
God Bless,
Sugar

Dear Tulip Girl,
The name you chose for yourself is good. When I was in the mountains the lanscape was covered with snow with yellow tulips boldly showing their beautiful presence. That's you! You are a survivor! No, I am not talking about physically. I am talking emtionally. You would not have posted a reply on the forum if you weren't working on suriving. And that is how you need to see yourself. But, you must not allow yourself to see it in the physical sence so as to produce guilt. Guilt: "I survived my father didn't. I have no right to live -- survive."

What you wrote must have been very painful not to just write for others to see, but to even bring it back to your present moment when you wrote.

My experience about my father obviously brought back to mind yours. It wasn't my fault that I didn't get my father to the hospital in time, much less loose time going out in the morning rather than staying with him.

It wasn't your fault that you met a person with a sick and possessive character. Those type of people try to control others. When they perseive that they can't control you then sometimes they take it a step futher -- violence.

You broke up! You did good! "Do not have companionship with anyone given to anger; and with a man having fits of rage you must not enter in, that you may not get familiar with his paths and certainly take a snare for your soul." -- Pr. 22:24, 25. You made that break.

HE, not you, was given to violent anger. Your father's death was beyound your control. Even King Solomon recognized that when he wrote, "time and unforseen occurrence befall them all. For man also does not know his time . . ." -- Ecclesiastes 9: 11, 12.
You may find writing this verse out and putting it on your mirror, fridge and journal will help you deal with the pain.

Your father loved you. If he had to do it again, he would of given his life for yours. Even if it was an accident, I believe he would not of wanted it the other way.

What helps me not view my dad's death so painfully is focusing on the hope (John 5:28, 29; Revelation 21: 3, 4) I have of seeing him again. I also know he ceased to be in pain when he "went to sleep in death." Eccl. 9: 5. Understandably we may have different beliefs. These Biblical verses keep me going with hope.

I wish you the best. Thank you ever so much for sharing.

With Sincereity of Heart,
Victoria

------------------
Victoria

[This message has been edited by Victoria (edited 03-30-2001).]

Dear Betsy,
I too am familiar with Shad Helmstter's book "The Self-Talk Solution."
He describes programing true or false information and the effect of the subconcious on the present. I read the book some years ago and never forget some of the fine points. Those have proven to be helpful to me until this day. I have learned to program my mind with truthful positive statements enough that I believe them.

What courage for you to share your painful experience. It shows the growth you have made toward healing. I believe that your sharing your experience will help other woman who have secretly dealt with a similar history. Better yet, anyone that reads your reply who is in a similar situation now contemplating abortion, may think twice. Therefore, your courage to come forward may save a life. That's what you can focus on.

It is human to make mistakes and sin. We can ask forgiveness of our heavenly father and learn from it. I have a feeling that that is exactly what you did. Now your learning to forgive yourself and lessen the guilt. Great men have made serious mistakes, such as King David of Isreal, and have received God's forgiveness.

It's interesting, as you brought up, the source of our panic attacks. You got me to wonder if some of my anxiety attacks had some beginning with the experience of my father's death. I got past the guilt but I know that I fear that if my mom would die it might have something to do with me. I still think that way. So, I guess my guilt is transposed on my living parent. I haven't thought of it this way to just now as I write. Fortunately, I now have additonal tools to work with.

Even the sad things we've experienced in life can provide us lessons in life now and in the future. Our experiences can help us with future obsticles and help others who can relate. They can give one the gift of empathy and kindness toward another. Your replies and posts show this to be you.

I wish you the best. Again, thank you for sharing.

Sincerely,
Victoria

[This message has been edited by Victoria (edited 03-30-2001).]

Dear Victoria,
How nice to meet a fellow Christian (or so I assume from the scripture verses you cited)! I am so comforted knowing that my dad is in heaven with the Lord right now, much better off than he ever was on this earth (He was a Baptist minister). God has helped me emotionally with what happened to my father SO MUCH! I have been peaceful about what happened from the moment I saw my dad lying there on the floor. It has to be the Comforter....the Holy Spirit that gives me such peace about it all. People are always amazed at how I can be so alright about what happened. There are SO MANY things that were obviously from God that happened in relation to this incident. Countless blessings that even non-Christians acknowledge are too coincidental to be from anything else. I thank you for branding me as an emotional survivor! I guess you're right...there has to be something in me that keeps working hard to survive all this hardship...not just the death of my father, but the problem of anxiety/depression that we here are all facing (by the way, I struggled with anxiety/depression for years before my dad's death..it's not due to that incident). Thank you for the tulip reference...I never thought about that correlation...its a very nice one =) God bless you on this journey of recovery! We both know that having Christ makes everything all the more hopeful and promising. When you're feeling discouraged and unable, just remember,"I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me!" (too bad I don't know the verse reference...oops). He does all things in His timing for His reasons that we may not be aware of...I believe that one reason that He has taken so long to send me help for this anxiety/depression problem is so that I will know beyond a shadow of a doubt that it is Him that sent me the help. I had given up all hope, knowing that there was NO way I would be able to get over this problem. Then, God surprised me with this program and let me know He is still actively working in my life and loving me! How wonderful He is!!! Well, thanks again for writing back...take care dear.
Angela

Dear Angela,
Thanks for your reply. Many others share your belief. My hope is to see my father on earth--Matt.5:5. And yes, I am a Christian.

The time it took you to reply is appreciated. It is interesting to read about your beliefs and experiences with anxiety. Your dad must have been a very nice person to converse with and to know.

Sincerely,

------------------
Victoria