I just past my oral exam for my Master thesis and got an A for my Thesis, yet afterwards I got all the same syntoms as when I failed-anxiety, depression, panic attacks, worry, guilt, feelings of failure, etc. I do not understand where this is comming from. Do you know where this was comming from? Do I need to feel guilty for having these emotions? What can I do to take care of myself and hold onto the sucesses I have made? Also, until this major sucess, my life had been one failure after another, so there is a certian anxiety I often feel when I am sucessful, like my sucess is very fragile, fleeting, that it could be taken away at anytime or that I just imagined it or even worse, it could all be a sick and crual joke. Have any of you guys ever had this experience-when suceeding? What has been helpful for your guys, in reacting to those feelings and emotions?

Daniel,

You stated on your post...

quote:

Also, until this major sucess, my life had been one failure after another, so there is a certian anxiety I often feel when I am sucessful, like my sucess is very fragile, fleeting, that it could be taken away at anytime or that I just imagined it or even worse, it could all be a sick and crual joke.

This is why. I have gone through the same situation. I did so very well, then doubted how long can this last? Will I ever be able to duplicate that success? Is this a one time deal? I was doubting yourself, my abilities, my possibilities, my intelligence. I was unsure that I could live up to that new standard, cause the bar has been highered to a level I have never had it set to. It is frightening, paralizing and can cause anxiety.

What I have done is not to have any expectations of anything. I study for my tests, go in with an open, calm mind and give it my best. If my best is a "A", GREAT! If it is a "C", so be it, I can study differently next time, study with a partner, get tutoring, whatever...but with that, I know I did all I could do and got the grade I deserved. If I sluffed off, well that is my own fault and I should expect to get a grade that reflects my lack of studying as well.

I came from a family that did not encourage acedemics, not that they discouraged it. School was not a big deal to them if you brought home better than a "F". So lack of motivation and me not knowing better, well I skated by in school. Now as an adult in my mid-thirties, I went back to college. I have a better understanding of life in general and learned how a time and effort can reap great returns in school. I had a 4.0 GPA before last summer...now it is a 3.75, I got a "B" in Speech class . I too sometimes think, am I really doing it? I never did as a kid! What if I can't keep the grades up? I have learned that time and effort in school reaps returns. It is not a cruel, sick joke. School, as well as everything else in life...you get out of it what YOU put into it. You are living your dream, you are an "A" student, you have an awesome Thesis! That was all YOU! You are real! You did it! Your successes are only limited by you.

I know what you are going through, I just started a new job and it is my first one since being married and having children. When I was younger I would always quit when things got to difficult or I go bored, I would drop classes in High school and quit my entry level jobs. Now that I have this job they are already talking about promoting me and I started feeling like what if I can't do it, or what if I quit, or what if they end up not wanting me to work at all. So yes I know how it feels.

I just started the program this week and have been reading through many posts. This one really hit home. I have literally self-destructed two wonderful jobs in the last year because of fear of success. I have a long way to go, but just knowing that there really ARE other people out there that are suffering through these same problems gives me hope that I can face this and win...your post diminished some of that lonely "only me" feeling.