I've had a very difficult day. Someone that I've known for quite awhile informed me, this morning, that I "ramble on" when I talk. I asked my best friend about this. He told me that yes, quite often I do. I'm having a big problem with this. When I was growing up, my family always told me to be quiet--they didn't want to hear what I had to say. Then, in my abusive marriage, I wasn't allowed to talk, either. I just got to listen to him talk. So, now that I'm on my own and feeling better about life in general (after going through the Program three times), I finally was feeling "comfortable" to talk to people. But, with these comments, today, I'm afraid to open my mouth for fear of saying too much. Has anybody else experienced this? Any ideas or suggestions? I'm feeling really lousy right now.

Don't be hard on yourself. Who cares what people think. So what if you ramble on, it's ok. It's not hurting you or anyone else. I know a girl who rambles, infact, my boyfriend does too and it's kind of cute. Some people will like it and some people won't. Always remember, you can't please everyone. Just be yourself, don't change for anyone. Good luck!

DRG,

Look at my posts! Talk about rambling! Please!

In reality though, I do at times have difficulty with cutting it short and to the point. I love to talk.

What I have learned in the workplace is that the boss wants the bare minimum, facts and how to solve the problems. He does not want problems but solutions. I just breifed things, to keep it short and sweet, to the point.

At home and in social situations, totally different. I too was not allowed to talk much as a kid. Kids were to be scene and not heard according to my father. I talk. I try to not ramble, but sometimes it happens. My sister reminds me, but I do not let it get to me, it is her opinion. People have different opinions, some may agree with one another. Try not to take it personally. I know it is hard. But think about it. You have breen feeling better about life, more comfortable. Please do not let the 2 peoples opinion crush ALL the work you have done. You have come so very far to let these comments send you back to square 1. You are you, why change for anyone? You were forced to be a certain way before. You need not do that again. You are a worthy person with things that are important to talk about. Be yourself, people like the real you.

Warm wishes, LizB

drg
Sorry that someone would be as rude to say something like that. They must feel confortable enough with you to say anything about it. I don't know you so only you can be the judge of what they said. Hopefuly they didn't say it out of spite or anger. Please don't take this as being against you, but I do have similar experiences with people that I encounter. I have my brothers girlfriend for example who rambles on. She breezes in and talks all about herself. From there it is ALL about her day, job, problems, feelings ABOUT her day, job, problems...then she gone. Never does she say...how are you? how was your day, job,problems, etc. It's all about her always. I have wanted many times to tell her what kind of effect this can have on others, yet I chooce to just avoid her instead. It can be very energy draining. I am sure that these people care about you. Sometimes we just have to be aware if we are draining others. It's ok to have lots to say..look at my posts I CAN RAMBLE ON, but there just maybe needs to be a balance. Try and make sure that the conversation is two sided and that you have a interest in what they have to say. Don't let it get you down. I think that possibly there approach was wrong. I'm sure this isn't what you wanted to hear. Take care

Christine

DRG,
I think that we "ramble" because part of our anxious personality is that we do not want to be misunderstood or taken wrong. I do it all of the time, I repeat things to make sure I got my point across, etc. I did not realize it about myself until the last year and after giving it thought I realized that it is a part of our personalities, not a bad thing.
Take Care,
Chrystal

DRG, I ramble on too especially when I am anxious. My husband told me that I talk a little too much when I leave messages on people's voice mail or as he and my mother say I go around the block twice to make a simple point. I am alone a lot because hubby travels and do not have a lot of friends and a small family that are not in the same state so I talk a lot to try and make friends. I used to be so quiet/shy growing up and now I am being more outgoing-to a point but I feel it is from anxiety and lonliness. I just had a friend ask me did she ramble or talk too much and I told her no-she is going through some hard times now and just needs someone to listen to her and I am glad I can because it is reciprocated. I am sorry your friend said that to you and I hope you are feeling better and be yourself. You know that you can come here and ramble anytime. Sometimes I write to just vent sometimes - so don't feel bad here or anywhere else. Be well

Thank you for the responses. I really appreciate all of them. After I spent some time sorting through all of the information from my friends that had started this whole thing and reading the responses here, I came to a conclusion. There probably is some truth to me talking too much, so I will watch that I don't "carry on" too long when trying to explain something or ask a question. But, I also will remember that I am a person, too, and have a right to talk just like anybody else. So, I think this is something I can work with. Thank you for your help. Take care.

drg,
I like your mature approach. You are not going off pouting saying you will never talk again, and you are not saying "forget you! I'll talk however much I want!" I think your approach is right on. You have a right to talk as much as you want, but you are also trying to be considerate of others. That's cool.
I was told by my best friend that I go on, and on, and on, and on. That hurt. Especially bc I thought she was interested in what I had to say. I tend to talk more when I think someone wants to hear what I have to say. I guess I blame her a bit too for asking me questions and encouraging me to talk, but then saying I talk too much. Actually, it was a time of confusion in her life (her brother died) and I think she was needing to talk herself but felt like she should still be the "listener". It was quite frustrating bc I would ask her questions to try to get her to talk, but she would turn the conversation back to me, then when I would get caught up in talking on a subject, she said I go on and on. I told her how I felt and it caused a riff in our friendship, but I couldn't keep acting like it didn't hurt. We're still good friends, but I don't go on and on like before. I try to keep it to a minimum and listen for clues to tell me if she's had enough.
I am proud of you for stopping to ask for the truth of the situation. Do I talk too much? Who is telling me this? Do I trust that person? What has been my pattern in the past? A quick short examination of the issue can yeild some good fruit. Now I will stop before I go on and on and spoil the fruit of my post.

Thanks for sharing.
Tammy