We are all growing at our own rate with our own circumstances thru the same program. We have all stated that it has/is helping. Some of us also have noticed it brings out some real emotions or as I would say, soul searching.

My question for all of you who have done a few lessons to those who completed them is:

WHAT IS THE MOST DIFFICULT THING, ACTIONS OR EMOTION YOU HAVE TO CHANGE?

I'm up to lesson 13. I still have difficulty sometimes not to be upset about the actions of someone close to me that I cannot change.

How about you? What is the hardest thing you have a problem of letting go of? I would think it would differ from person to person depending on personal circumstances.

Thank you for taking a minute to share.


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Victoria

[This message has been edited by Victoria (edited 04-23-2001).]

Hi Victoria, That's a good question for me at this time. I have a few answers to this. First of all, the way i'm feeling these last few days, what is so difficult for me is to realize just HOW difficult it is to change and REMAIN changed! That may sound negative but it's how i feel right now, and i am constantly trying to reframe this into a more positive attitude. During these last few days i can see that a difficult area for me is to change how disappointed i feel in MYSELF!...that i am not doing NEARLY as well as i'd hoped i would with the panic attacks. Also disappointed that i have again, been feeling 'down' and irritable, after quite a while of feeling more serene than i've felt for a long time. My excitement about my recovery seems to have gone underground. (and i talk positively to myself about that too) One of the most difficult emotions which i need to change is guilt. This comes up with a very few,specific people...two friends and a couple of family members. This is an old, old habit...something i learned so long ago. And even though i can 'see' that this reaction of mine is unrealistic, unreasonable, etc.. it gets 'triggered' so quickly. It has to do with me taking care of someone else's emotions. And if i don't, and i just leave them to deal with it, then i feel like a 'bad person' and guilty. Like yourself, when i am very close to someone, it's so difficult when it's clear that they won't help themself. It's funny, i have no problem with so many people....it's with very specific ones where i encounter in myself...fear of assertion, because i already know the reaction that will occur, impatience, feelings of inadequacy and feeling stupid, the list goes on. I am so at ease with friends where NONE of this comes up! Isn't it great when it just flows!! All i can do is keep on keeping on. Tonight i cannot envision carrying on practicing the lessons with the fervor and energy i had previously....so i will make myself do it...no matter HOW i feel. I find that it is much easier to practice this program for 'fear' than it is for 'depression'. Thank's for the posting, Victoria. God bless, Lindi

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Linda

Dear Linda,
Thank you for your reply and sharing. I sooooo understand what you are saying. I am now half thru lesson 14. When I started the course I was floating on clouds. That is for the first time in ages I woke up happy and calm.

The real things happening in my family and outside were/are saddening me. My problem was/is with just a few people. With others I am just fine, calm, a friend, a family member and supportive. With the few others -- with those whom circumstances allow, I am assertive even if they don't like it and fight the change. However with others it works wonders and we are closer than ever!

With just one or two others, I have no choice but to be passive. Not for lack of courage, no, but because the consequences would not be worth the effort. (These are not bad nor wicked people - just elderly and set in their ways.) It is not the time if it will ever be. It would just be a minute of satisfaction exchanged for further problems.

There is even a scripture in the Bible that says, "Have your say in your heart." It really means that if you can get over it and forgive you need not bring it up. It lovigly provides the choice for that person dealing with the hurt. And all though, in a couple of situations, I can't, or let's say need to, work on getting past it -- I must, for now "have my say in my heart!" And as Christ said, "Love my neighbor as myself."
That simply means I love these people, just not some of their actions. Fortuantely for me, they are not really serious in nature. Just part of their imperfection. I shouldn't be talking. How imperfect am I. However, I'm trying.

Guilt! Wow, again I got past it by the time I was on that lesson. However, there is someone who does not understand certain things due to their own situation therefore feeling unloved. I need to be asertive at times (and am) -- but that's so difficult especially because they are elderly and sickly.

So, I too need to force some of the lessons because of the depression and other emotions. However, all in all, I am handling these situations a lot better then had I never taken this course! That I must keep reminding myself of. And it sounds like you are doing likewise.

Thanks again for sharing. Look forward to hearing from others. It's so to share! Ha ha.

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Victoria

[This message has been edited by Victoria (edited 04-23-2001).]

Good post, Victoria!

The hardest thing for me to change is being a "pleaser" and trying to make everybody happy.

Helen

Hi Victoria,
I logged on to the forum feeling that I had lost my way, only to read your question and realise you, and others are feeling the same way.I am really struggling with the problem of worrying what other people think of me and what I do. This isn't only people close to me but complete strangers as well.Logically I know this is irrational, however emotionally it dominates my thoughts. Any good tips to help me ?