HI...Ive been diagnosed with anxiety/panic disorder almost 3 years ago. I went thru the first few months on meds. because of research and side effects I went on herbs. I read self help books and even took a cognitive behaviorial therapy group class about a year and a half ago. I had good months and then an attack would hit hard and set me back for about 2 weeks. The midwest tapes were given to me from a friend because I couldnt afford them and this was about 2 years ago. I listened to them about once when I got them and felt great.Last July I had a full blown attack after feeling pretty good for a few months in a row. by August I had to go back to the dictor and be put back on Xanax but only for about 2 weeks. I needed my body to rest because I couldnt seem to get control on my own and I was exhausted from all the constant trembling. I also pulled out my tapes and I bought a book called the ANXIETY/PHOBIA WORKBOOK. I carefully read this book AND THIS TIME I LISTENED TO MY TAPES OVER AND OVER because I seem to learn something each time and cried. about in November the friend who sent me the tapes had sent me the paper work that goes with the tapes. I also went back and took those same cognitive classes again. my last class is next week. ( Ive been working hard at learning to NOT BE AFRAID OF THESE ATTACKS but I still am. I ride them like a wave and even examine them. I am doing whatever Ive ever learned from books, Tapes ,etc.. to help control these atacks. I try not to run just go with them. I chat with friends from an anxiety/panic room. Ive changed alot as far as worring about everyday lifes ups and down. I know Im on the right track and this is THE ONLY WAY TO GO, BUT for months now it seems I get more attacks than I ever did before. I am about 60lbs over wieght and i joined wieght watchers.im also 45years old.I was abused sexually as child(touched) and I came from a family where no one comunicated so I dealt with the pains of growing up alone even the abuse was a secret. I WAS CONDITIONED FROM CHILDHOOD TO WORRY.I hated myself most of my life and I have 2 great kids both grown and one grandson who is very close to me. 1st marriage a FLOP but 2nd husband is great. he is also my best support. 1st husband is also a now very good friend (kids dad) Im sending this mail to anyone here that might be able to help me stay positive and hopeful. I know I have no other way to go like meds. This cognitive method is the right method. It took me until now to find this place. I just had another full blown panic today so Im feeling a bit low but I have to keep walking thru the tunnel till I see light. I occasionaly see a bit of light at the end of this tunnel but it still fades away. Id love to hear from anyone!! I need to know that It may take me a while because Ive been such a scared and worried person all my life. Im trying to be patient. Please anyone write to me. your my only hope....oh, by the way..Ive been trying to become more spiritual. went back to my congregation months ago and pray all the time. thank you .........vicky

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VICKY

Hi Vicky,

I have to say this right up front....YOU, my friend, are your only hope!! We sure can support your work though!!

I can see in your post that you really want to change, and you ARE! You are working hard to take back your life. CONGRATULATIONS!!

Hope you hear from others that have been through similar experiences, but know that you do have support here...seek it out, and it will come.

Peace to you,
Lin

Dear Vicky,

Just a quick reminder...perhaps you are "doing everything learned"...frantically? Understand?

Are you doing the Six (6) steps before full blown symptoms? Notice distraction is only one of the six steps. I have the sense that you use distraction primarily? We must face and manage first. Make sense?

do you have flash cards? Breathe and let your body soften. Let us know how you are doing... Carolyn

hi vicky, i am 46, two grown daughters, and your story is almost identical to mine. hang in there! i am on week 2, and just learning the differenc between normal anxiety, and full blown panic. i have been doing this therapy, medicate, run, all my life. i too was taught to be a good worrier, even though i swore i'd never be like THEM!
magical thinking has always been my escape, especially since i am an artist. i am learning to accept, float, flow, breathe 1-2, out 1-2-3-4, positive dialogue, and take action after i am calm. this program is awesome, and it is my only hope. i have tried everything, so i believe. tlc janet

Nurny, Are you setting aside a regular time each day to practice progressive relaxation in
a place where you won't be disturbed? This is
important! You may not notice any results
immediately, but eventually you will.

Are you setting aside a regular time to get out and exercise and breathe in some fresh air atleast 3-4 times a week? This is also important and will help reduce your anxiety.

These are two ways to help reduce your anxiety but they are NOT quick fixes. You
have to make them a normal part of your routine in order to see results.

THANK YOU LINDA FOR YOUR RESPONCE. i WILL REMIND MYSELF THAT I AM MY ONLY HOPE. FEELING BETTER AND QUITE HAPPY THAT I CAN COME HERE WITH SUCH POSTIVE PEOPLE. I WANT IT TO RUB OFF ON ME :O) THANKS AGAIN!!

quote:

Originally posted by Midwest Center Staff:
Dear Vicky,

Just a quick reminder...perhaps you are "doing everything learned"...frantically? Understand?

Are you doing the Six (6) steps before full blown symptoms? Notice distraction is only one of the six steps. I have the sense that you use distraction primarily? We must face and manage first. Make sense?

do you have flash cards? Breathe and let your body soften. Let us know how you are doing... Carolyn

Hi Carolyn,
Im interested in what you said about doing everything frantically. I might be.I think I understand what you mean but im not sure.also you mentioned "distraction primarily " "face and manage first" Im not sure I get that either. maybe I do understand but Im thinking right now hmmmmmmm maybe i dont.lol can you explain a little more please. THANK YOU CAROLYN

Hi Epona
loved your letter of ecouragement. Thank you for your support. Yes this place seems like a place I am truley going to love. I think I love it here already lol.take care!

quote:

Originally posted by Kenneth:
Nurny, Are you setting aside a regular time each day to practice progressive relaxation in
a place where you won't be disturbed? This is
important! You may not notice any results
immediately, but eventually you will.

Are you setting aside a regular time to get out and exercise and breathe in some fresh air atleast 3-4 times a week? This is also important and will help reduce your anxiety.

These are two ways to help reduce your anxiety but they are NOT quick fixes. You
have to make them a normal part of your routine in order to see results.

Hi Kenneth,
No to everything you asked lol. I will take your advice though. I have at times told myself that I would do all this stuff you mentioned on a daily schedule basis but, after about doing so for a few days, I get distracted and go off schedule. Ive never allowed myself to do rountines on a regular schedule. Seems Ive heard about staying on a regular daily shedule before. I will try to disapline myself to get on a regular routine. Thank you Kenneth. Ill let you know if I got a schedule going here. take care, )


[This message has been edited by NURNY (edited 03-26-2001).]

Dear Vicki,

"Frantically" is always stressful. When we first begin to manage our stress responses I think we tend to hurry because we just want the scary feelings to go away-fast. Who can blame us?

This mode actually flys in the face of what we teach (2-4 breathing, comforting inner dialog). Eventually (because we are brilliant) we figure out that this doesn't work. We notice that when we do the 2-4 breathing and let our body soften, loosen, we can't do that "frantically."

Distraction doesn't resolve. When we deal with, manage, negative sensations with distraction, we just push it to the background. It's still there, it's not resolved and it will come up again. When you demonstrate to yourself a different way to manage (i.e. facing, breathing, comfort talk...) you give yourself control. You give yourself power. Make sense?

Positively yours, Carolyn

Hi CArolyn,
Yes makes sense, I get a bit confused. The bottom line is that I must be doing it frantically. Seems I read when you feel anxious, distract yourself right away. Ive also read to do my breathing. So this is what happens when I feel anxious like today while driving...... Im a good driver. Im not clutching on to the steering wheel and sitting straight up. I listen to the radio and drive in a relaxed manner but I noticed that I get real anxious when I drive. Ive been hit about 3 times in my life time of driving all 3 times were not my fault but I think it has made me drive defensively. As I feel the symptoms I tell myself dont make a big deal out of this. I say to me... its understandable why I get anxious, Ive been in accidents before but I need to not be too defensive and just keep driving in my usual careful manner. Im not afraid to drive but Ive noticed I get all those awful sensations so I do all the self talk first and then try to breath or distract myself. the anxiuos feelings come and go during the day. you what goes thru my mind...I would wonder if it works quicker for most, After all these months of working on this, Should I be in full control and Not afraid of panic sensations.I would wonder if its taking me longer because Im doing it wrong? There have been times when I would get discouraged, but for a very short time,and not feel like using techniques because I would say that it doesnt work. I believe deep down it does but I start thinking its not going to work well for me. I then have to remind myself of back when I would get an attack, I could barely funtion. Id have diahreah and would get real depressed and cry and not want to leave the house and so forth. I dont have it as bad as that anymore. thanks for your help carolyn!
vicky

Hi Nunry
This is backcomb, just wanted to let you know what we are dealing with is not for sissys. I find it very hard to think of myself as my safe place. My dad died when I was l0 and I have an older brother that is 7 years older, Iam 52. This crap excuse the language started when I was 34. I went to a program much like this back then called Terrap in Orange County and it helped me alot. These programs along with God I believe are the answer. I don't know if you've read What Do You Say To Yourself When You Talk To Yourself, but it is good, if you haven't try and read it. It is based on the key to our recovery which I believe is tape 3 in the program. If our self talk is what causes alot of this problem then that is where we need to change. It is soooo hard though. Don't beat yourself up, cus trust me you are not alone. I forgot to mention after my dad passed away my mom was never around. She used to leave me alone night after night til about 3:00 oclock in the morning. So consequently I don't enjoy to much staying alone at night. I totally need to overcome that.
I want to share something with you!!! Iam a christian this might be of some encouragement. A short prayer:May today there be peace within you. May you trust God that you are exactly where you are meant to be. I believe that friends are quiet angels who lift us to our feet when our wings have trouble remembering how to fly!!!!
I to am still, scared of the attacks, cus I hate to be out of control. Plus I always worry about what people think and 9 out of 10 times they don't have a clue what is going on with us. I guess that comes from wanting to do everything perfect, which I know I don't anyway. When I finish this program, I am going to keep on doing it til it clicks. Iam on tape 11. I struggle really bad with driving, since I have been in the program I have made it 10 miles or so. I am trying to drive everyday a little, I am trying to build building blocks for my long term goals. Iam taking it slow, I don't want to put to high of expectations on myself. I don't do well with setbacks. Years ago I worked through this I went 1 year without an attack it was great, I was driving all over. Then one day out of no where boom it happened bigger than life. I am so bummed I let it take me back to square one. Not Good. So here go again. The worst part I get alot of physical pain with this, cus my body tightens up real bad. I guess anything that is good is worth working for.When I had that bad attack years ago, at the time I didn't know I had bad PMS and they also diagnosed me with hypoglocemia. I think that had alot to do with what happened, but when I figured it all out it had already did a number on me.
Oh well, enough about me tell me a little about you? I hopoe I hear from you. I am in the forum in tape 3 fear od driving.
I have to go for now, God Bless Backcomb

[Hi backcomb,
Thank you for youre letter of encouragement and the prayer. Yes I certainly do pray alot. Its funny you mentioned about the pain all over your body. I just finished writing to someone in one of the other topics about the pain that comes with this. Im always telling my husband about my aches. He keeps telling me to get in the Jecuzzi. I hate that I take notice of every little ache i feel no matter where its at...i focus. But I have to say I really am working on stopping this constant focus because It makes me wonder if theres something seriously wrong. It doesnt bother me much if its on the right side of my body but boy when its on the left side I just about go into a spin. Im getting better at not over reacting but theres still a part of my brain that is telling me false stories. I do remind myself that alot of my soreness is due to my body tensing up. I have a toddler Grandson and I carry him alot and I hold him with my left arm so when I notice how sore my arm feels like the next day I tell my husband " oh it hurts and Im getting scared" he chuckles and says .."honey... which arm do you carry Nolan?" I smile and say "oh yeah I forgot" My husband is very logical and I ususally go to him when I start to tell my self stories regarding my anxiety. He has been so very supportive and compassionate about my anxiety. He did about as much research as I did when I was first diagnosed almost 3 years ago. He use to cry with me and wished he could take this from me on to himself because he feels he could handel it better. He has a very stong mind. He said hes not afraid to die so panic attacks wouldnt scare him. Just a few months ago his boss had a few panic attacks and this was very new to him, My husband helped him thru them and this was kind of wierd feeling to my husband to have watched his hard working boss suffer from this. my husband was able to show understanding compassion because of already dealing with this with me. I really do love this Forum. I dont know why I didnt get in here sooner. you mentioned something about what you say when you self talk. Where do I find this? Is it in a book? Id like to read this. well I have to go towork I'll write soon. thank you.

Hi Nurny,
Thanks for your reply, it helps ro be able to relate to people. My husband like yours wishes he could take the pain away. I feel so bad when he has to watch me go through all this. Sometimes I feel so guilty like he deserves more. He never makes me feel that way I do it to myself. You know how that is. I just went to get my nails done. Iam having real bad indigestion and I keep thinking it's my heart, how crazy am I. I've had this pain a million times, and I still allow it to scare me, it makes me so mad. I am trying to ignore it, hopefully it will pass soon. That is so great about your husband being able to help his boss. Does his boss know that you deal with this? It is amazing in my line of work how many people I've shared my testimony with and how many people deal with some of this that you would never guess. When you open up you can't believe all the people who share also. . There is a man who comes to my husband in the shop, and I shared it with him, and he couldn't believe it, he has it really bad and I am the first one he has ever shared it with. I told him about the program and he said it sounded good. He deals with his pain with alcohol though.
Oh yeh that was a name of a book. What Do You Say To Yourself When You Talk To Yourself. It is by Shad Helmstetter, Ph.D. It actually was in the forum too!! They reccommended it. I also got the book How To Stop Worrying and Start Living. I haven't started reading it yet. It looks as though I could use that, I am the worlds worst worrier, I don't mean that to be negative.
I have every other Wednesday off, I am a hairstylist and my husband is a barber. We have had our own business for 23 years. I went through a period where I couldn't work behind my chair, can you believe that? One time I went to the hospital, and the other time I was shaking so bad I couldn't cut the ladies hair. After that it took me literally 6 months to overcome it. I have been doing hair for over 30 years. It was HELL!! but I did it. I had attacks everyday for 6 months
I really appreciate your support and you answering me, I will write you again. Keep up the good work, I don't know much about you or where your at, so share whatever you like, Ha Ha
Bye for now,Backcomb

Hi Nurny,
I e-mailed you after you sent me your e-mail address, did you ever recieve it? Let me know if you didn't I will write you a new one. How are you doing? I have been scanning the forum today to see what everyone is up to. It is interesting to see what's going on with everybody. I am almost ready to start tape 12, I think I am going to listen to tape 11 a couple more times.
I just got back from the tanning salon. I am trying to work on a tan. My husband and I have been taking west coast swing dancing for about 6 years. Every July about 300 people go to Palm Springs for a 3 day dance convention, so I gotta be looking good, with a cool tan. My husband and I usually compete,last year we came in about 7th out of 27 couples. It is stressful cus you have to dance while all these judges are checking you out. Then they narrow it down to 10 and you have to dance two more times.I screwed up royally on one move in the final ompetition, and Ernie did one thing and I did another. It was the kind of mistake that was hard to cover if you know what I mean.
Oh well, enough about me. What is going on in your life, and how is your hubby? He sounds like a great guy like mine. I feel like I am so blessed. Did you guys have children? My husband is playing in a two day golf tournament. That is why Iam catching up on all my writing. Does you hubby golf? My husband absolutely loves it.
Well I wanted to say hi, have a great day, Bye for now, Backcomb