Hi everyone out there,
I'm still pretty new to the program and i have a quick question for those folk out there who experience more of the depression and not so much of the anxiety. I have had panic attacks on and off but i think i can say that my whole life i've been depressed. I truly want this to change and maybe that's why the past few years, i've experienced anxiety from worrying too much about my depression. It's a vicious cycle, isn't it? But on to my question\thought\topic thingy. When i start feeling low, depressed, etc.... I get really self-conscious, less talkative, low energy and i have SAD thoughts. Not scary thoughts like Lucinda talks about in Lesson 10. I don't imagine stabbing my little sister or driving off a bridge. I think of weird, abstract, totally irrelevant thoughts. But these are disturbing images. Things like children falling down, hurting themselves, and crying. Wars and people dying painful grousome deaths. Mean, rough biker dudes raping a woman (and even worse). Some of my images are linked to things i've experienced in my life, and some are totally random. I hate it when i feel this way. It's so hard to get these pictures out of my head. They are so strong that sometimes i want to just run and cry. I've talked to my sister about this and she said sometimes she feels the same way when she gets depressed. I have been practicing writing my negative thoughts down and that helps. I want this to be completely eleviated from my life. It's been the same way since i was a child. I never wanted to tell anyone about it for fear that they would get concerned i wasn't "Normal". All i really want is to be just that, though. It's hard hiding all this inside. I'm so glad i have this forum. I have only been on it a week, and i feel very welcomed. Thanks, y'all So, if anyone can tell me if I'm "Normal" or not for having these depressing, disturbing thoughts, i would greatly appreciate it. Take care everyone, Maddy

Hi Maddy, First of all, i would urge you to drop the label of 'normal' vs. 'abnormal'. What's normal anyway?!! Many of those who regard others as 'not normal',have no idea what they're talking about, and have bought into some idea which was fed to them...as to what's right and wrong, normal and abnormal, etc... YOU ARE NOT ABNORMAL!! When i was suffering from a chronic, severe and debilitating depression about 8 years ago, sure...i had all kinds of images going through my mind, i was SAD about everything, i cried all the time, i had zero energy....depression can be a relentlessly unbearable state. The thoughts and imaginings are all just a part of it, symptoms. You mentioned that some of the images that come up for you are linked to things you've experienced in your life. Are you working with a therapist who you feel comfortable with? Have you worked through any of these experiences? And other images are random....yes, there's alot of those, i know. It's so important for you NOT to dwell on these 'symptoms'. If you have this recovery program in your possession, please practice lessons 2 and 3 (especially 3) and just apply it all to your thoughts around depression. I don't know how depressed you are. You might find practicing this very,very helpful and notice changes quickly. If the depression is far-gone, it would be harder. Do you take medication? Sometimes a symptom of depression is that the mind goes around and around and nothing we do can make it stop...it's been doing this for so long and it's in a fixed pattern that goes nowhere but 'down'. When i was like that, i finally agreed to taking Zoloft, which was a God-send to me. (not so for everyone) Within a few days, the black cloud was lifted. Then, and only then, could i apply myself to helping myself. But you may not be in such a bad state, in which case really practicing these lessons will help!! I hope something i've said will be helpful. God bless you and feel free to respond. Regards and best wishes, Lindi

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Linda

Maddy, Lindi here again. Sorry, i asked if you have the program....you already mentioned that you do! I forgot that,when i wrote....my friends and i call this forgetting of things - "sometimers"!!. It's an early onset of 'alzeimers'. ha ha Corny, i know. See ya!

Maddy,

I was very glad to see your post. I am experiencing the disturbing images. I read in an anxiety/depression brochure that strange images and thoughts are symptons of depression. I really had a hard time with them last night. I have noticed that they are worse when I am under even more stress than usual. Mine come so fast and change so quickly I just about can't tell you what they are! Does that make any sense? The key for me is to try not to let them scare me. Unfortunatley I am not good at that. This has been my huge problem from the start and because of the images and thoughts I was convinced for about 8 months that I was losing my mind. Boy was I glad when I found that brochure and they called it anxiety and depression. I will tell you that I now take Remeron (anti-depressant). It has helped so much. I have had severe anxiety since I was about 10 so it is just going to take some time. Try (like me) not to give these images so much thought. Tonight I am telling myself, this is a sympton of anxiety and I am going to be ok, it's ok if I have them, I have an anxiety disorder. I'm hoping this will lessen by my not being more anxious about them.

You are definitely not alone. I'm glad you posted this question. Thank you.

Take care,

Hope40