I read all the posts about how you are all making progress and feeling better. I am now on Lesson 9 and really can't say I feel any different than when I started the program. My husband says I am not as paralyzed as I was, but I am still in a constant state of fear and worry. I want to feel better and enjoy life. I've wasted so much time already (I'm 47) and don't want to spend the rest of my life like this. I'm doing the homework but not too great on journaling or writing my negative thoughts. I have all I can do to get out of bed and come to work. Will this cloud ever lift?

I was feeling better, but then had a setback. So, I went back to the beginning. My old habits surfaced, pretty quickly too. Maybe you could go back and start over for a refresher. Maybe you will pick up on some things that you may have missed before. There is no pressure on how fast you get better. Take your time. Keep trying. Replace each and every negative thought with a positive phrase. This is the time to begin taking care of you. Sincerely, Reena

Hi there. PLEASE try not to despair! There was a time (and it still can happen) when all i could do was to take care of the most simple tasks. It sounds like you're depressed, right? Please try not to be hard on yourelf.....self-judgement is a dead-end street and is very unfair. I respect your honesty in saying that you have a hard time with journalling and writing down negative thoughts. I would start right there....in honestly asking myself (without judgement) why i don't want to do this, or why it feels so difficult. I learned a long time ago, that we need to start with....wherever we're at! That has to be O.K. There are many parts of this program (as wonderful as i think it is) that i don't want to do, or have a hell of a time applying myself to. And then i feel so frustrated with myself. There are things in life i love to do and other things that i find tedious and boring. Today i was thinking about that, and this is what came to me..... There is an expression - Take What You Want and Leave the Rest. Meaning, use what you believe is right for you and don't bother yourself with the rest. Well, in this Program, i have to change that expression around for myself. Because if i leave out half of it, i probably won't succeed. So, i thought of "Take what you NEED, and leave the rest". Since what I want is very often NOT what i actually need, that wouldn't go too far! I NEED alot of this program which I find difficult to apply myself to. So, it's harder for me than for some,perhaps. So, i start with what i feel i CAN apply myself to. I do know that when you are very depressed, EVERYTHING seems impossibly difficult. That's the nature of the beast. When i was severely depressed about 8 years ago, i eventually felt i had to take an anti-depressant and i chose Zoloft. For me, it worked miraculously....within a week i was lifted out of a very black hole. When you're depressed for a period of time, the brain doesn't produce enough of a chemical we need (seratonin) and this anti-dep. helps the brain to do that again. This may not be for you, but i'm mentioning it on the off-chance that you might need a kick-start to help you work this program. There is a part of the program i really don't like doing, and today i told myself to spend half and hour on it. I set this goal VERY low, so i wouldn't feel disappointed in myself. If it's 5 minutes, that's fine too. Anyway, i'm going on and on, but it's because you need to understand that you're feeling as you do for a reason, and what you need from yourself is alot of compassion and patience. I hope this helps even a little bit. God bless, Linda

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Linda

I am in the same boat, I just got my program last week and faithfully started the sessions . I don't think I've made any progress in fact I am more scared than ever because I recognize in my self a lot of the issues that this program talks about. I tend to blame people for my unhappy situation, I'm angry a lot of the time (mostly at myself). I don't have a lot of self esteem and I never did. I still can hear in my mind even though it has been fifty years my stepmother telling me I was lazy and wouldn't amount to anything. I have always had a problem with relationships and now is no exception. I really feel paranoid about being abandoned by people I gotten close to. I lost my sister and my mother when I was very young,(hence the stepmother). I was divorced about ten years ago and once again left to sort out my life. Now the relationship I'm in seeems to be in trouble, I've been told I have too much baggage. I am going to keep on with this and try desparately to finish it and apply the program to my life, just maybe in the time I have left in this life there will be some peace of mind.

Dear Reprie,
You don't say what you fear? If you understand what it is you may find that the program will work. If you are told that changes are seen in you then believe it. Also, you may need more besides the program. You may need to have a Bibical hope for the future and an understanding of why things are the way they are. It's just a thought. I wish you the best. Find a tea or herb garden to just sit or relax. Live near a beach? Then walk on the sand. Go with someone close to a quite beautiful place. Don't allow yourself to stay in bed too long. You will be okay in time / believe it.

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Victoria

[Hi Rlpree,
I love this place! I keep finding someone asking certain questions that have crossed my mind too. Yes I was reading how much progress lots were making but I also read letters like yours that reminds me Im not the only one the boat. Ive been diagnosed with PD about 3 years ago but I didnt actually get serious about this program until about last Sept. I must say I have come a long way compared to how I was before. I came in this forum and Im the one whos topic is HELP! IM STILL STRUGGLING.. you'll see me at the top of this page. You can read what I wrote and my replies. yes Panic attacks still happen to me and Im still pretty scared of them. like I said if you read under my topic you'll see what Im going thru. I was thinking ...gosh why is it taking me so long to POOF!! GET IN CONTROL?? I just wanted to know if under certain circumstances some will take much longer and if Im one of those then I can deal with that. I dont mind taking longer than most if thats the case. I just hate thinking that this isnt going to work for me. Truely in my heart I do believe in this program. and like Lucinda said in the tape, we get depressed after an attack because it IS DEPRESSING. Yes I get a little bummed out but what else can I do? This is the only way to get this in control. I look forward to the day I find that IM NOT AFRAID OF ATTACKS. No youre not the only one still struggling. I was listening to my tapes over and over again becasue everytime I listened to them even if it was the 5th time.....I learned something I missed. oh please write to me anytime. there are so many people to write to here! its exciting to me. I can get answers now from people who have been there ..done that!
well got to run. talk to you soon and hang in there! love vicky