When I am in the midst of a group of friends, aquaintences, or strangers, I usually can't think of much to talk about. My mind goes blank and can't think of any topics. As I observe others carrying on conversations or making witty/spontaneous remarks, I feel more aware of my quietness and boringness. I then feel badly about myself and feel pressure to comment as much as possible on things...which is hard to do. I can't help comparing myself to the way the others socialize in the group and I feel isolated and even begin to be excluded from conversations/interaction by others, since I'm not interacting with them. I hate it! Has anyone had a similar experience with this? I would really appreciate any advice you can give me...

Hi Tulip! We meet again.

Sure I do. It is all part of this yucky thing we've been living with for so many years. Anyway, it will take time and using the tools you've been learning from the program it will all fall into place.

One thing at a time. Give yourself permission to sit back and listen. If anyone asks, "how come you're so quiet?", tell them the conversation is so funny or interesting that you're just sitting back and taking it all in. Or make them think you really enjoy going out with them where you can be yourself and just sit back and relax away from the kids or hectic job, etc. Once you say it a few times you might beleive it.

You might think about calling "one" friend (maybe the other quietest) in the group for a very short outing alone.Plan it so it is short and sweet; maybe McDonald's. Take it slow and work up to the bigger group.

Betsy

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Always Hopeful, Betsy H.
Marietta, GA (East Cobb)

[This message has been edited by EastCobbGABetsyH (edited 03-27-2001).]

Me Again!

You really have me thinking since this is something that I've worked on over the years.

I have told the girls in my group about having panic attcks. They don't care. They laughed and told me I was a really good actress. I don't go on and on about it, since I've learned over the years how people who don't understand don't want to hear about it and those who haven't had one in years forget. I hope I forget someday.

Anyway, when working on going out for meals with people, I pick restaurants that I think are an easy escape, mall food parks, cafeterias and fast food restaurants. Then I work my way up to the sit-down and order type places.

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Always Hopeful, Betsy H.
Marietta, GA (East Cobb)

Tulip--

I just want to say, as one of those people who always seems to have something to say , that being quiet in a conversation doesn't make you seem dumb or boring to others. I know that, when I am in a group, I feel like I have to be witty and entertaining and fun. And, especially if I'm feeling depressed or anxious or not so great, it's exhausting. In fact, it's so exhausting that a lot of times I'd rather just not go out than put of the charade of feeling great. My husband noticed this, and offered me some great advice. He's a very, very shy and quiet person, and he told me that I might enjoy hanging out with other people more if I allowed myself to just be quiet sometimes. Like, if I'm feeling anxious or sad, just sit back and don't feel like I have to make jokes, or try to keep the conversation going. And that really took a lot of pressure off. Because, there isn't anything wrong with not having anything to say; I think that, much of the time, us very talkative people are just as self-conscious (I'm very uncomfortable with silence, and I worry that the other people around won't think I like them if I'm quiet) as people who are quiet.

Hang in there,
Lori

Lori:

Ditto

BETSY

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Always Hopeful, Betsy H.
Marietta, GA (East Cobb)

Thank you both for your replies! Its good to know others feel the same way...I dont feel so alone then. I will try to practice the advice you both gave me....it sounds good to me.

tulipgirl,
I can really relate to what you're talking about. I feel like I just "fade out". I feel like if I have something to say, it won't be important, I'll be wrong, or, I'll say something stupid.Then I have I panic attack , so I keep my mouth shut.
I'm working on getting over this, though.This is a tough one to break.

Skyeyes...
Yeah! I feel the exact same way! I worry about if what I say will sound important enough to even bother saying...like people will know that I am just grasping at anything to say so that I can be able to participate in a conversation, and I worry that I'll sound stupid. Thanks for responding...hearing someone express my same feelings makes me feel more 'normal' =)