Hi everyone!! I just finished tape 12, The Courage To Change. I listened to it for 2 weeks and let it really sink in. It first it made me angry to think I was choosing to feel this way. When I really searched my heart, I diffentally know what all my secondary gains are. The hard part now, is breaking through the wall, that is keeping us stuck. I am so used to this familiar pain, that I guess it some areas like the tapes say it is easier not to. I know in order to recover I must go through the wall to the other side. Does anyone have any suggestions or ideas that have been helpful to them!! I know we must do it to get through it. I think what is making me procrastinate is the pain and anxiety I know I must go through to get to the other side. Can anyone who is almost done or done with the program relate to where I am at?? I would appreciate your answers.
Thanks, Backcomb

Hi Backcomb! Congratulations on making it to Tape 12. It has been my favorite and is one I go back to on a regular basis.

Your statement about going through the wall brought back memories of when I first went through the program and really "got" the secondary gains issue. Yes, you must step through the wall and no, its not always an easy process. I think I posted something a few months back about stepping through the darn door and how I feel like I keep going back and forth through the door. The only advice I can offer is to keep at it. We do become comfortable with the anxiety even though it makes us miserable. We have to be willing to step away from our comfort zone and walk forward into a new way of living.

If you don't mind, I would like to share with you the most incredible experience I had with tape 12. I was listening to it one day while walking and suddenly "got" it. All of a sudden, I could visualize myself without the anxiety and panic attacks. It was the most incredibly wonderful feeling! I felt free! It was as if someone "unzipped" the old me and the new me stepped out -- ready to seize life. I went home and listened to the tape again, visualizing myself free. As I did, I began to write down the statements on the tape that triggered my emotions. Then I taped them around the house to remind me of how I felt. The thing that I found most profound was my desire to become the "real" me. But, if I wanted to do that, I had to let go of all of the insecurities, the fears, the expectations, etc. Wow, that almost seemed overwhelming!

The thing is, though, that in order to walk away from the anxiety, we have to walk away from the perfectionism and high, unrealistic expectations. We have to be willing to risk failure and uncertainty if we want to really be at peace. I don't think, however, that this is done quickly. If you know what the secondary gains are, you've won half the battle. The other half of the battle is to keep stepping through the door and staying on the other side a little longer each time. Don't get discouraged if you make great progress one day and then retreat the next. It happens. Just visualize yourself as you would truly like to be and don't let anything keep you from achieving that goal. Good luck to you!

The way through the wall is to, as Carolyn says on the tapes, 'Just DO IT'...yes, easier said than done, I know. I always here Carolyn in my mind when I know I am about to avoid, and I just DO IT. It may not go 'perfectly', but as long as I try, I am proud of myself. Over time, just DOING IT, even if just a teeny tiny bit, the self esteem gets higher, and we get a sense of strength about us. It, in my opinion, comes with a lot of patience, practice, and most importantly, persistance.



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~Angel

quote:

Happiness has no prerequisite other than life itself. It comes from the way you choose to live and respond to the world, not from the way the world responds back. It is yours, and is not dependent on, or impeded by, factors outside your control.

In my opinion, and my experience, just doing it without first changing your expectations etc. about it doesn't work very well. For years, I forced myself to do things outside of my comfort zone, things that were difficult for me, and nothing ever got any easier, my self-esteem never improved, and I never lost the fear. But now I've learned that if I approach something with a less threatening perspective�lowering my expectations, for example�then it won't be such a horrible experience, and actually doing it will have helped, rather than reinforced why I was afraid of doing it in the first place.

Hi DTC, ANGEL, and MOUNTAINGIRL!!
Hi, to all of you, and thank you for your great insight and responses. I agree with all of you. I could really relate to you DTC!! I too over the years have forced myself to just do it, and have not gotten over the fear, especially with the driving issue. I think I agree that we need to do it in small implements which I have been doing. I really needed to hear your responses I feel so much better, cus I am so impatient and hard on myself. I always feel like I should be doing better than I am. Mountaingirl, that must of been awesome actually seeing yourself as free, what a wonderful feeling that will be to be FREE again, and be the person the Lord wants us to be. In that one tape where they say what would be some of tne things you would like to do if you didn't have anxiety, wow that was a great question?? We use our anxiety for an excuse not to do anything we want, or at least I do, in alot of areas. I don't know about you guys but this forum is great, cus of people like you guys. Angel, thank you for your wonderful quote that was good. Where are all of you in the forum, how far are you on the tapes. It seems as I am almost done that everything is right in front of me saying WELL!! what are you waiting for. LET's GO!!!This is so much harder than it sounds Huh?
I don't know about you guys but I deal with alot of physical pain with this problem. That is as hard as the struggle. I work full time and my husband and I work together and own a beauty salon. It is hard work and dealing with the clock and the public all day. What do you 3 do? I have been doing hair for 30 years. I love it though.
Well I better go I have alot to do and it's already 8:35. Bye for now Backcomb