I've been through the program fully oncee and i'm going through it again and ive read alot of forums but i haven't seen anything about struggling to live in this harsh world in the context of being gay. Im still coming to terms with this and its really difficult i mean there are so many bad connotations that go with the word in itself and alot of us have grown up with people who would joke about it or parents that would teach you that it is wrong and bad. Any advice on the subject?

NF,

The world can be a harsh place, an unaccapting place regardless of sexual preference, but with religion, national origin, color, sex, being thin or fat, the world can be a harsh place.

In most religions, being gay is a sin. It is written in the Bible as so. Most people hold their religions close to there heart, very near and dear. That is their choice, there is nothing wrong with what they beleive as long as they do not hurt others.

My neighbors it seems have had difficult times cause they are a lesbian couple. It is not a stated fact, but I can tell that some of the neighbors are pretty harsh and distant cause of their lifestyle. I was raised a Catholic, then was pulled towards Christianity. The church I belong to blasts same sex relationships...that is their take on it. They have their right to their opinion.

My mom, a very strict Catholic raised us to be understanding and respect others, love them regardless of how different they may be from us, cause God loves us all. Jesus was sent to die for ALL of our sins, not only the select chosen few. Plus, who am I to judge? I have not right to pass judgement on the way others live their lives, I cannot control others, I can control how I live my life though. Do I accept an alternative lifestyle? NO, it is not for me. BUT, I cannot say what is best for you, how you should live your life. People need to find their own happiness, and if that happiness is in a same sex partner, that is their decision. I cannot hold someone from pursuing their happiness. I am not God, I am not going to sit and condemn you for your decision, or anyone else for that matter. We all have a life to live, a path to follow and that path is different for many people. What is right for me may not be right for you and visa versa. I think people need to mind their own business and keep their poopin'dogs out of others yards so to speak. Everyone has the right to persue their happiness and make a whole life for themselves, hetrosexual or homosexual. I respect people for their individuality. People are people, not matter what their sexual preference is...same sex couples have feelings, they want to be accepted just as anyone would. They are not freaks, they are people, no different than me; they bleed when cut, they cry when sad, they have feelings like everyone else. I guess what irks me is when people get nasty, cruel, mean, ignorant and treat same sex couples like some strange life form, like they are odd. Everyone has a right to their opinion sure, but that does not give anyone the right to treat another human being poorly. NO EXCUSES.

The Bible also states that Jesus helped many, even people labeled outcasts by entire towns! Jesus was kind to those that others written off, laughed at, ostracized...this I think says mountains about the love of God. I wish more people would take Jesus's attitude and accept people for what they are, leave the judging to God, that is not our job to pass judgement. God is made up of love, not hate. Teach love, acceptance...the world would be a peaceful place.

I hope people can be less harsh and just let people live their lives the way they see fit. As long as no one is harming one another, persue you happiness, hetrosexual, homosexual, celebate, what works for you, completes you, energizes you...embrace your happiness. Just thought I would let you know not everyone is harsh and cold. I have an enitre family that thinks this way as well...I am not alone. Warm wishes, LizB

Hey thats alot of good wholesome info you gave there. I like the way you think and I'm glad there are people out there like you. It does help me feel more secure about myself, i think it comes down to how i feel about myself and i'm kinda wierded about it still but i'm accepting it slowly.

I for one don't care if someone is gay or straight or black or white or from any other country etc.... No matter what they are still human and have feelings.

Some of my closest friends are gay and I love them like I love anyone else. I agree that as long as someone is not hurting others - let them do what makes them happy.

It can be such a beautiful world if only we could eliminate the hate.

"The True & Real Change Must Come From Within"

I am a gay man, I have anxiety/ Panic disorder. It was not caused by my being gay or trying to fit in, it was other issues that brought it about (unrelenting stress, etc).
Living as a gay man I relate to the negativity in the world in relation to what I am. I do not buy into these things. Everyone will have an opinion, be it the church, friends, family. I believe its human nature to do so. I cannot deny that I am opinionated about certain things myself. As long as you know deep in your heart who you are, and what you are, life will then open up a new meaning.
I have proven the stats wrong, I have been with my partner for over 15 yrs, I consider myself married, I have a good life, good job, good friends and a supportive family. I am one of the lucky ones. I'm not sure this helps or not? I just wanted you to know your not alone. Your not the only gay person that has this disorder. Peace to you and hats off to all who have posted to this!! (lookingforhope, your a GEM!)

I never ever understood why someone would take the time to care what someone else's sexual preference is...it just boggles my mind. I wish that the world was different regarding this issue. I mean if we all just spent more time worrying about ourselves or worried about someone not having enough food, or the children that are homeless and maybe don't have parents, or the victims of the Tsunami...maybe the world would be a little better. I mean let's worry about some real issues here people...ugghhhh drives me nuts. We are all the same, we are all trying to live in this world and be happy (at least most of us, I think) and there's nothing wrong with that. Ninja, I'm sure it will be a tough road, there are many people that won't make it easy for you but you'll be just fine. Believe in yourself and please know that there are good people out there and hopefully you will be able to surround yourself with them.

I think that if I was gay I would go to an area that had a large gay population........Key West maybe.

I was in Nashville about two weeks ago and they had a huge mens club, everyone looked happy and were having fun.

Then again, maybe Im wrong, why should anyone move because of their sexual orientation...it would be a personal choice of corse. I just thought it would be easier to be in a social area of the same sexual orientation......

I love gay men, my best pal when I was in college was a gay man........best bud I ever had.

Some people in this world look down on people who smoke, are in bi-racial relationships, are cohabitating, are a single parent, are a person of color......we just cant get away from societies finger pointing, not just gay people.

Anyhoo, just a few thoughts on the subject.

Hi there As a child of lesbian parents I have seen the prejudice brought towards people who live a homosexual lifestyle and it always breaks my heart. I have also seen love and compassion, which warms my heart. I try to think that the world is made up of mostly kind and understanding people who do not judge or use God as a front for their hate.
My suggestion to you is to surround yourself with positive, supportive people (gay, straight, bi, trans...whatever!) and it will help you with your anxiety. There are also many people on this forum who are accepting and loving people who will not judge you Take care and good luck!!!
Erin

hi there,
i can only imagine how difficult it must be to feel okay about yourself when seemingly many others seem to have a problem w/your lifestyle.

i'm guessing you are a major people pleaser and get stressed when not everyone is super happy and loving you...? that's how i am, and i find myself trying really hard to fit into every situation that comes my way, and even trying very hard to get people to like me - even if i don't really care for them - and why i do that i'm not quite sure yet, lol.

gay or not, there will always be peeps that don't like you or have a problem w/you. maybe it's because of what you like, or the life you choose to lead, or what you do for a living - it could be anything. in my opinion, these people just can't be bothered with. life is way too short. you have to do what makes you happy and try and surround youself w/loving, caring, supportive people. they will act as a cushion from those who have a problem with you. i always notice that if someone gives me a dirty look when i'm alone, i get really uncomfortable and feel badly, but if i'm w/a group of friends and someone gives the group a dirty look, i could care less. there is safety in numbers.

i know that there are lots of judgmental people out there that think they know how the world should work, and want to tell everyone how to live their lives, but they are ignorant, IMHO. i also know that there are a lot of peeps out there that couldn't care less if you are gay or straight and will love and care about you because of who you are. find these people. they are out there.

also, take care of youself. you know you are a good person, right? so these people that give you a hard time, you know that they are wrong to do that. you don't deserve it. remind youself of this.

hang in there.

I just wanted to lend my support and say that I too can't believe there are people out there who aren't tolerant of those who are different from them with regards to their sexuality.

You just have to remember not to worry about what other people think of you. I'm not sure wher eyou live, but I'd imagine it would help to move to a bigger metropolitan city where there is a greater gay population. It's just easier when there are more like you out there.

Thanx everybody. I actually do live in an area with a higher gay population. I had grown up in the country where everybody was really antigay. I realized that i found it really hard to know what caring was just cuz i kept hearing all these stupid jokes from my family and friends and all the other people in my environment. I've just recently been able to accept it and i'm slowly changing my thinking. I grew up learning that you shouldn't hang around gay people cuz it means your gay and if your gay you should be hated. Its totally wrong and has taken awhile to change that thought pattern. I realize that it really just stems down to how my immediate environment was about it and I just actually wrote a letter to my dad (who hasn't talked to me since my mother died) and i explained how i was gay and how i didn't appreciate all those jokes and how i felt growing up and how it really confused me and i told him how i spent most of my time making sure that i didn't do anything that would make people figure me out and how cautious i was and so on. I just sent it today actually and I haven't really come out to many people. I had my birthday on sataurday and went to a gay bar and entered a best legs contest :P. Someone in my class asked me what i did for my birthday i told her i went to a gay bar. I think it was a really huge step i took. I really appreciate the support it does help alot. It always helps to know that your deepest darkest secret seems very minor to other people.

Happy Be-lated Birthday!

Hot legs contest! That sounds like fun!

It is horrible that it is easier to hate than to love and understand.

That is so cool that you are "coming out". Be proud of who you are! There is no reason to feel shamed, embarrassed...you are a beautiful person. If people cannot accept you for you, then why want them in your life anyway? You have a right to be happy, pursue your dreams, please do not let anyone stop you.

I can tell you that one of the absolute best guy friends I had was gay. He understood me, we shared hair styling tips, talked about clothes, shopping; it was SO neat. His new companion was not fond of our friendship, so he chose his companion over me. We never hung out again. I hope he did find happiness.

If you need something to fall back on, look at your quotes...

quote:

Life is about balance. Good and bad. One cannot exsist without the other

Good and bad co-exist, but that does not mean you have to let that get you down or control you.

Take care! LizB

Hi Ninja,

I read you post and could not ignore it. I have a different take than most of the other posts. I also know that people nowdays don't want to hear the real truth. They want to water it down and make it so they won't offend anyone no matter what. I am glad someone gave me the truth and I was able to get out of the life I was living into the life I now live as a Christian. Not many people have the courage to stand up with the truth anymore. They want everyone to like them. But I on the other hand believe that its more important to let someone know the truth than to be liked by this world. The bible clearly states in Romans Chapter 1 and in other places through the word of God, what God's take is on the gay lifestyle. That it is sin. God is the creator of all things and His word stands above all words of man. So mans opinions don't even count in the long run of things. This is why you meet opposition to your style of living. I can only speak for myself but if I knew you I would love you as a person because your life is valuable and God loves you too. But He doesn't and can't approve of it as a good lifestyle and never will cause His word never changes. He knows how he created us and wants the best for us. His ways are always the best. And when you live under the light of His word your life is truly blessed. As long as you take sins route you will never find true happiness or fulfillment in life. Remember our feelings are not facts they lie to us and tell us things that are not true. The bible also says "There is a way that seemeth right unto man but the end thereof is destruction" I hope that you will choose to give Jesus your life.
Love,
Sandra

It bothers me when people use the Bible to condemn homosexuality but don't follow all of the rest of the rules, such as women keeping silent in church and keeping their heads covered when they pray. Or not wearing clothing of mixed cloth. Or killing adulterers. Or any of the other rules and regulations that are clearly spelled out.

Jesus said nothing about homosexuality either way.

It is my opinion that God created different kinds of people. Bigotry in any form sucks.

I think God is most concerned with what is in our hearts.

This message has been edited. Last edited by: Songbird,

Sandra,

I too am Christian. I am fully aware that in the Bible, God clearly states homosexual lifestyles are a sin.

I do not ride the fence. I say what I mean and mean what I say, just like in the assertiveness lesson.

I think there is somethine deep inside a person that makes them the way they are...whether the gene pool, their environment, psychological conditioning. I do not think anyone just wakes up feeling homosexual and purposely goes against the word of God. I know my good friend struggled with his sexuality, as he too was raised Catholic. He felt dirty, he felt unloved and very ashamed because he was "like this", he felt like he did not fit in the world. He tried really hard to have hetro relationships, even in high school, but just felt really awkward, uncomfortable. He even got to the point he was SO confused and depressed about it, so afraid because of how "wrong" it was to be gay, what his family and friends would really think, what the church would think. The pressure was enormous, he almost killed himself.

I honestly am glad that he finally got some therapy and found himself, accept himself and was no longer ashamed. I am glad that he did not die, that he still has a life, that he can find his happiness.

I cannot see how a person cannot deny their feelings in this situation. My friend did NOT feel any sort of attraction towards females. He tried and tried, but no connection. He did not wake up one morning and said I am attracted to men. My friend felt awkward, uncomfortable when trying to be what society, his friends, his family expected from him. He struggled with these feelings for a very long time. Through therapy, he found himself, he found what was HIS life, what it meant to be him... that is to be a gay man, right, wrong or indifferent to anyone.

I rather see an individual pursue their happiness than struggle, be depressed, anxious, confused, so hopeless, so beat up from society telling them what they should be, should do, how condemned they are and hit a place where suicide is the only answer. There is no reason for that.

I persoanlly am hetro, have a husband and never was gay. I never was attracted to women. But, I cannot say how a gay/lesbian person feels, I never was in their shoes. I do not know what it is like, I saw it through my friends eyes and I can tell you, there was alot of tears, pain, alot of rejections, he was so very confused, he did not want to be gay, it was not like he woke up one morning and was gay, he could not understand it, he was afraid of it the feelings he had, he feared what church would say, it was terrible. He struggle and hurt so very much. Much of his hurt was family/friend rejection, people saying how unacceptable it is in the Bible, how he was going against God. This all scared him, but for whatever reason, he could not deny what he felt, it was part of him.

Sandra, I do beleive the Bible, and it is not the way God wants is to live. But I cannot be the one to preach to a person on how they should live their life, pursue their happiness. I would rather have a person follow their dreams than be so tormented and unhappy that ending their life is the only answer. It is not my place to live another persons life or make decision for them. I make my share of mistakes and I know I will have to answer the God when my times comes. I know there will be judgement and consequences to face. All I can do is pray for forgiveness. My friend was doing that on a daily basis...he told me did not understand why he is gay, how it happened, but he cannot worry and wonder about it anymore...that is just the way he is and he needs to get on with his life as this constant fear was driving his life, making him miserable. He just asks for compassion, understanding and forgiveness, all which have been denied by his family. I hope that God's heart is more understanding that his family was.

God Bless ALL. LizB