I am so glad for you, I am sure tomorrow will even be better for you, we are all praying for you, that you feel God's Peace in your heart.. When you are scared just say " I can do all things in Christ that strenthens me" It realy helps give you power to go on, All the best for tomorrow.Zarina

Set back. I woke up this morning feeling more anxious than ever! I have gone every day this week doing new things as posted above. I called in this morning to say I would be late. I tried driving to work this morning, but turned around and came home. I don't know what happened. I felt anxious all week doing the new things that I've done, getting through all the testing and starting a new (and old) job. What happened? I tried the self talk, didn't work. I tried the relaxation cd, didn't work. I feel so tired right now. I don't even want to go into work now.

I did have an incident with the woman I'm replacing at work. I don't care for her very much. She is so rude to people. It really bothered me. She treats me with total disrespect. I had several people make comments about how rude she was to them. I know I shouldn't let that bother me because in a few days she will be gone and I'll have that position all to my self. Why am I letting that bother me? I know I can't "control" what other people do, but I just want to scream at her and tell her to stop it, YOU ARE LEAVING, BE NICE! But I'm too afraid to do this, why?

On another note. Does smoking make your anxiety worse. I know that caffeine and sugar make it worse. Do cigarrets do the same thing? I've noticed that when I'm having a panic attack that I don't smoke because I'm already having a hard time breathing and it seems to make it worse.

I also don't eat like I should. I threw up this morning. My stomach hurts. I feel like I can't leave the house because I may throw up or even worse. I don't seem to have control of what my stomach is going to do from day to day!

Does anyone have any suggestions on what to do? I can't keep doing this or I'll loose yet another job. This was the job I had been waiting for for three years and I'm about to throw all of that away.

Please help!
Debra

Debra-
We all have setbacks or "bad" days. Don't let one morning or evening sabotage your whole week. Look at the brighter side if you didn't have a setback it would mean you weren't making progress...right? Good luck. Be well.

Debra -

Here is a suggestion, perhaps your wrapped up in the wrong ideas about what an employee is supposed to do while at work since it has been so long off-work, so many things have changed in our fast paced corporate world.

For example lets say that I own a company I have this potential employee that I would like to hire on. I spend the money training them, getting them into a position while the person being replaced is still there can train them. My expectations would be they come to work-learn their job-and be prepared to take over as soon as possible with the experience they stated they have for the job that I hired them to do.

It would aggrevate me greatly if I caught wind of other employees, that I am paying to be on their job, taking it upon themselves to individually approach my new employee and gossip about other's in the company, knowing that person is not present to defend themself, if at all there is any truth to what is being said or where the rumor mill "actually" began.

Perhaps a long walk this 3 day weekend to relook at your priorities as an employee of this company. It is with surprise that you have taken on this attitude so early on in your employement but have no clue as to why your feeling so bad, sick to your stomach, and wondering if you should even return.

Often I read in this community of people haggeling over their 'problems', being negetive from start to finish, taking drugs to cope, and for the life of them cannot figure out why one minute they feel great and the next the whole world has come to an end. A reasonable approach to resolution in your new employement and home life would be to stick to your own concerns, eliminate those around you drownding you with negetive feedback and just concentrate on the job you were hired to do. Hmmm?

RB

Dear Debra,I am so sorry you had a bad day, I believe this does happen to us who have bad anxiety, we are told on our C.D.s to try our best, & I think you did very well, Tomorrow is another day, & once you have a rest & relax you will most likely feel much better,,,I can understand why you got up set at that woman that was so rude, you are on the edge of your nerves & you did not need that. I,m sure you are a very nice person & hope that people treat you the way you would treat them...The lettler I read earlyer seem very heartless, we are all trying to do the best we can, so take it easy, & have a peacefull & restfull week-end,,Zarina

How are you doing today Debra? are you feeling any better?

I woke up this morning scared as usual. Now I'm not only worried about loosing this job, I can't stand the thought of having to go back to deal with that woman (even if it is only for four days). I don't know what to do. I know it's good for me to have a job to get out of this house and of course we need the money, but is all this worth it? I know I should go in and kill her with kindness, but sometimes that's hard for me to do. If I hold everything in, I explode and I don't need to do that. I've spent part of this morning going over some of the things that I need to watch as far as eating (thinking about things that have made me sick the next morning). I think I've got it narrowed down. I did a lot of research. The one good thing that happened to me today was that my PartyLite Leader called and gave me some really good advice about my job and how to handle this woman. She also made me laugh, which she's good at. That brightened my day. I would love to be around more people like her (positive).

Thank you for asking. It really means a lot to me.

Still trying,
Debra

Dear Debra, I am realy proud of you, you are going through a hard time, but there are people out here that are praying for you, there is a saying "Let go & let God," when you go into work on Mon. give her to God. then just get on with the work you have to do. I feel sure, your day will go on smoothly. I will also pray for her, that God softens her heart, to make her a new person...I'll be thinking of you. Have a great Sun. & a good Mon..Zarina

Thank you so much Zarina. That means a great deal to me. Now, if I can just wake up in the morning with no problems and show up at work. I've decided to just kill her with kindness. That's all I can do. I just have to remember that's it's only 4 days and then she will be gone. We have every other Friday off, so we aren't working this Friday. I need to wake up with a whole new attitude. I actually (right now) feel a whole lot better. Just trying to keep the negative thoughts at bay! You have a good Monday too and I'll let you know how it goes.

Thank you again for your kind words.
Debra

Update. Well, I made it through my first week of work. Our hours provide us with every other Friday off so I'm off tomorrow. Today was that ladies last day. She was so ugly to me all week. Saying things like "I know more than you and the other person (that previously took my job) put together. She also told me that she knew more about the computer than I did. Just really ugly things. She's obviously not a very happy person and I know that's okay because I don't have to deal with her anymore.

My point to all of this is that I put up with it everyday. There were so many times when I just wanted to call in and crawl under the bed and hide. I forced myself to come everyday and put up with her ugliness. One way I did it was, I would wake up each morning and say okay 4 more days, 3 more days, 2 more days, etc. That got me through it, but believe me, I still paniked every morning. I was also able to avoid her for the last two days which helped a great deal. If I had any questions, I would go to someone else.

Now I have a three day weekend to relax. When I come in on Monday to take over my position that she wouldn't let me have for 7 days, I'll also know that she won't be sitting there when I walk through that door. It's going to be awesome.

I'm still struggling through session 2 and my breathing exercises. I still catch myself not breathing the way you should be and I'm trying really hard to be self conscious about it so I can learn how to relax. The funny thing is though, my husband starting walking with me to get the exercise and now that I'm working and having to walk a good distance from the time clock to my office and back everyday, I use that as my exercise. I still feel just as good. He continues to walk and has lost weight (even though he doesn't need to), but it makes him feel good too.

Still trying to stay strong and get my life back,
Debra

Debbie, I am so proud of you..God bless you, have a great week-end & a good rest,,Next week is going to be great for you. Keep doing your breathing, & haveing good thoughts. Jack & I are off to England & Scotland next week-end, I am a little anxious but I know God will help me & give us a realy good time. It is good talking to you, I will contact you when we get back..Lots of good luck. Zarina

Set back. I have been scared to death all weekend to do anything. I don't know what to do. I found out Thursday afternoon that the lady I'm having problems with is not yet gone. My boss (after explaning to him I had a problem with her) casually told me she would be working the next 8 Saturday's. We have an outage coming up and I'll be working weekends too. I know that I shouldn't let this bother me, but she has been talking bad about me to the new people I also found out. I worked there for 4 1/2 years about 5 years ago. I knew it wouldn't be the same when I went back, but I didn't know my anxiety would be worse either. I've dreaded Monday all weekend. I don't want to talk to anyone. All I do is watch the clock and think so many hours before Monday morning. I HATE feeling this way. I constantly fight with myself that I need the money, but is it worth the drive over there (which is on a freeway). That's one fear I have. Mornings are not good for me either which I have to be there at 6:30 a.m. I thought about asking my boss to change my hours. I don't know if that will help or not. I feel like I'm being very selfish. There were so many people glad to see me back and now I know why, they couldn't stand her. My boss acted really weird when I came back. I don't know if he didn't wanted to rock the boat with her being there last week and be being there or what. I haven't figured that one out yet. I guess I'll find out tomorrow (if I make it). I've tried thinking positive, but my thoughts are more negative. I could go on and on about how I'm feeling. I'm so tired! The only thing I can think of to do in the morning is take a little bit more of my medication to see if that will calm me down. I'm already anticipating going in so I don't know. I JUST WISH THIS WOULD GO AWAY AND I CAN LIVE A SOMEWHAT NORMAL LIFE!

Help,
Debra

Debra, I'm sorry you're feeling so scared right now. Try to realize that this woman's problems are her own. They have nothing to do with you. You are back at work to do your job and that's it. The people there who were glad to see you come back are the ones you should be associating with. Forget about her. Let her behave any way she wants to. You cannot control any of this. BUT, you can control your reactions to it. Keep practicing your breathing which will make you much calmer. Walk into work tomorrow with your head held high and show your confidence. You can do this. You're allowing this woman to have control over your ability. Let that go. Believe in yourself. No one can take away what you have to offer unless you let them. Refuse to let them. Keep repeating to yourself that you are able and confident and capable because you are. Hang in there and go to work tomorrow. Stop running. The power lies within you. Use it.

The situation will get better and your life will come back to normalcy once you realize that you are important and worthwhile. Don't give up on you. God has made you special and no one can take that away from you.

Good Luck tomorrow and keep doing the program. Keep in touch and let me know how you're doing.