I hope that this program will help me to get rid of all these demons.
A little background on myself; I lost my Dad to suiside six years ago after taking care of him for three years traveling back and forth out of state for every weekend and holiday's too. Then lost my job a year later, my husband went through heart susgery one year after my dad had his stroke, and I still had to go and take care of dad too and my husband. After i lost my job i went to college and my husband complained that i studied too long. Three years ago my mother got ill and I had to move her in with us.
Then she got terminal in Dec. of last year. My husband left me in Feb. and my mother died in june with me by her side and I would not have done it any differently.
I am so bitter because he left me and have been trying to be friends and have beg him to come home, but he has a lot of issues too; postpartum depression; congested heart failure, agent organe, dibites and cant let go of the past, etc.
I am at a dead end job trying to get something better and stay ahead /on top of the bills.
After I took this assessment test, I have realized that I have been screwed up since I was a kid.joaniebosarge@yahoo.com

Be careful with assessment tests. Sometimes, they can be really misleading. If you feel you need a real diagnosis, you should see a doctor (a lot of places offer free or reduced-fee counseling for low income people).

Hello JoanieB, just from hearing everything that you have been through, I think you are already much much stronger than you even know! I think that this program will definately help you, especially this support group, because its comforting just to read everyone's experiences and how they are working to get through them. Even though some of our experiences are different, I think we can all relate in that we've had these problems for a long time and just want to find relief in a healthy way. I wish you the best of luck!

Thank You Deep Thinker,
Today I went to my husbands funeral, and when it was over I ask him out for coffee, of course he said no, but I waited for him to get to his car and ask him over for dinner tomorrow, and he brushed me off again, and his reasons were because I told him the truth about two of his female friends one of whom last year I let him talk me into letting her stay with us because he wanted her to get help for crack addiction while in the meantime she lost her kids. She stayed two weeks and after she was admitted is when he decided to leave because he wasn't happy anymore and he wanted to make everyone mad at him; I let him go and he came back later that evening. I was broke no money, he told me to take three guns and sell them, I was so desparate and screwed up; I took 8 rifles and shotguns and sold them. When he came home that night I told him and he said it was ok, then a week later he got mad about it and said I done it for spike. No I didn't, at the time I was just thinking about a house note. He stills believes I did it for spike. Back to the two females, I felt that she was the reason all of this came about because after she was admitted to a drug rehab, he goes and moves all her stuff out of her house and stored a lot of it here at my house. He still wanted to leave because he said I was trying to make him take care of my Mother (not true) so he finally left in Feb. I had to drop college (Doctors Orders) and find some one to help me with my mom.
Well everything built up inside me and I cracked today crying at the funeral It has just been six months since my mom died, wondering what he was really thinking and how cruel, mean, and hateful he is for not being compassionet about anything. So I call him on his cell to let him know that I love him and he turns everything upside down; stating that I just wanted to controll him and how I didn't have any right to say what I said about Amy and Rose and if they wanted to show that they would have been welcome, I fell that I had to tell him this so not to cause any embarressment, because I beleive that I would have nailed them to the wall.
He sure does know what buttons to push and I have to (some how) learn to control my feelings to show him that I don't care what he thinks anymore and that he can't keep me in turmol all the time like he does. I had no intention of causing him any grief today all I wanted was fellowship and compassion between the two of us.

JoanieB
I applaud you for caring for your parents and husband in their times of need. It's your turn now. You've been under substantial stress for a long time. Focus on getting yourself strong and well. Forgive your hubby for not being healthy, perfect and emotionally strong. He is not your safe place. Evidently he is not able to be there for you now. My brother-in-law isn't the same after his heart attacks, surgery, and onset of diabetes either. He probably never will. So get yourself well. This program has some great tools. You'll be able to get the "button pushing" under control. You sound like a compassionate caring woman. You obviously have a lot to offer. God Bless you!

I agree with Grace4ever, it is time for you! There isn't a single person out there that can make you truly happy but yourself. I think when you concentrate on you (as well as me concentrating on me) we will be less dependant on looking for happiness in the wrong places.

You have been through a lot...give yourself a break and smile for what you have had and what you will have.