Hi everyone! This idea just now came to me, because i think it might benefit me in my efforts to move forward with practicing walking with the fear. I cannot seem to maintain this discipline all on my own! For several weeks i went outdoors for daily 'practice walks', in order to use the steps for dealing with all those panic symptoms, and the anticipatory thoughts that precede them. And then, i just stopped! It was as if i'd forgotten to continue with this! (is it forgetting or is it avoiding unconsciously!) Whatever the reason, i am concerned that i'm not keeping up my efforts and therefore i'm not moving ahead. I had a goal for September, to go home to Montreal for my mother's 80th birthday. I have been home only once (about 7 years ago) in many, many years. That once was with the man i then lived with, he drove me there and took me everywhere i had to go while in that city. This time, someone else would be doing that for me. At this present time, i walk on my own only for about 5 blocks in any direction. And yet, i've had this goal about Montreal, 6 hours drive away! Haven't been in a car for years either. I felt that with the USE of this program, i just might find myself being able to do this. Well, because of my lack on 'continuity' and 'perseverence' with the daily practices required, i am thinking that there might be others (besides myself) who could benefit from a daily check-in on this Forum. Maybe under Lesson 2/Panic, or somewhere else. The idea would be to 'check in' by writing where we ventured, how we did, how we used the tools, what worked, what didn't,etc.... Is anyone else interested in this idea? I sure could use the support and contact in regard to this specific topic...working through the fear. Thank's for your input. God bless, Lindi

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Linda

Hi, I replied to you under the topic you replied to me - try to read it. Lindi, we have one life to lead why do we keep doing this to ourselves?
Can you do something for me? Just pray, pray really hard and ask God to take this from you, that you don't want it anymore. Little by little my anxiety is getting better. I went to the store again too, my heart was beating a bit, but you know what, I was fine.
Are you on any medications? There is no reason why we can't be happy and feel calm like everyone else. Be positive, and you know what, you can take that trip, make that your goal, and work really hard at it, everyday, no matter what? Do you work? Stay focused, it will come. Listen to your heart, there is nothing to be afraid of, no one is hurting us expect we are hurting ourselves. I talked to a therapist, he said to me, if you don't change you will be like this always, aren't you tired of it already, then make the changes you need to make so that you too can help others get over this hell we have created. God Bless you, I will be here for you.

Dora

Hi there Dora! Thank you so much for replying. I did read your reply to me on YOUR posting, and thank's. Your comment "Why do we keep doing this to ourselves!" is an interesting one! I believe i understand alot about they "why's" and could probably write a paper on that one! However, UNDERSTANDING this is a far distance from EXPERIENCING the freedom from it! Initially, i don't think we DO anything to ourselves CONSCIOUSLY! When i first experienced panic, i was in the midst of such a stressful and scary situation and at some point my mind just went crazy and terror seized me. Back then, nobody knew what this was! So i was put on valium and remained on that medication for about 8 years. This is too long a story to tell and i don't want to bore anyone with it, because many people on this Forum have read about it before. I suffered a two-year nightmarish withdrawal from that pill and actually wrote an article about it years ago, in a Health Magazine. WHY we keep doing this to ourselves....keeping the fear alive....well, for myself, i've had this condition for so long that deep down inside of me, i find it difficult to TRUST that i will REALLY be okay. That feeling is in my GUTS and has nothing to do with my head and what i tell myself. I believe, though, that after practicing all this self-talk and comfort, that at some point my mind and body (my guts) will come-together and i will BELIEVE i am just fine....i mean REALLY BELIEVE IT!!! I'm just not there yet. About praying, since 1982 i have nurtured an ongoing 'relationship' with what i call God (Divine Guidance, Wisdom, Higher Power, whatever we choose to call this) and when i ask God to 'take it away' i always receive the same kind of 'message' (so to speak).......i have to do this myself. And of course i'm led to whatever it is i need....like this program, or a dream i have that guides me, or something that arises in meditation. And i like the second part of the prayer you suggested, being: "I don't want this anymore". That's a good one to look at! Do i want it or don't I? A question to ask ourselves honestly. In this vain, i listened to the tape on "The Courage to Change...secondary gains,etc." way before i got to that lesson. I often think that tape should be nearer to the beginning of this program. It helps us to look at why me might not WANT to be free of this. And i can think of MANY, MANY reasons! If life wasn't so difficult for me in the first place, then i'd be thrilled to be free of this, so that i could return to my fulfilling and abundant life!!! But i'm sure that for MANY of us, long before we got our first panic attack, we were already nervous, unsure of ourselves, lacking in self-esteme and confidence,etc.. For myself, i have discovered that at the very CORE of me, i always felt flawed, somehow not adequate enough. This was my 'programming', as Helmstetter puts it (good book!) and so my BELIEF in myself was very weak. I've mentioned in other postings how i have taught myself to strengthen this belief in myself, with love, patience, encouragement, all the necessary ingredients that help children to believe in themselves. Like starting from scratch in that arena, giving myself what i never got, to that i can actually FEEL my WORTH, believe in myself and then, having THIS, i can make CHOICES that are truly GOOD FOR ME! It's such fundamental stuff that was missing for me before. So, yeah...a 'part' of me doesn't WANT this anymore and a 'part' of me does...the part that is AFRAID that i won't be okay 'out there'. All i can do is keep on working through all of this. But 'prayer' is a part of my day, every day. I KNOW that something Divine lives within me (and you!) and is all around me, and it is from THIS PLACE that i try to live my life. You asked if i work. I haven't been able to work (in the normal useage of that word) since 1982. Back then, i worked as a Counsellor at residences for battered women and street kids. Since then, i have worked at home, on and off....doing my artwork and selling it, organizing Craft Shows that take place within the area i live...i attended a school for training in Transformational Psychotherapy several years back (also in my area!) and received my Certificate as a Counsellor/Facilitator/Therapist. I know...it's a very wierd combination....someone who is a counsellor and also has panic disorder!! What can i say! So, within that field, i have been unable to obtain work as i haven't been able to get to the interviews!!! ha ha. But i have worked with several clients from my home. Right now i am working at creating an Online Counselling Service and i really hope i can make this happen. Meanwhile, i have been on partial-disability. As far as "staying focused"...Dora, that's the problem, it seems. And that's the reason i posted this. I was wondering if anyone else out there would find it beneficial to report to each other...about our experiences working with the fear, our practice walks,etc.. Cause i sure could use the support and connection. I need a kick in the ass with this! (i don't mean tough-love)....i mean encouragement and contact...i think it would help me to keep on practicing. Days can go by and i realize i have forgotten to go out and practice! I had hoped i'd be MUCH, MUCH further ahead by now! Okay, i've yacked enough. Thank's again for replying to this post. By the way, you are doing great!!!!!! I'm not just saying that...i can SEE that you are. Did you say you live in Canada on your other post? I'm from Montreal (which i still consider 'home') but presently live in Toronto. I got STUCK here!!! Guess why! Talk with you later and God bless, Lindi