so i've been dealing with anxiety for awhile and most recently with ocd and only getting help in the last couple of years. i started getting help when my relationship with my husband got serious....anxiety shot out, i freaked out cuz i knew he was the one but marriage was so scary to me. i worked through my fears and all my what if's that scared the crap out of me, thankfully held on and we are now happily married. since being married i feel like i've got a second chance a fresh start to my life, what have you. so i've been going over and over every stupid mistake i've made in my life before him. mainly my past in previous relationships. i was with more men that i wish'd i would've been and i have more experience than my husband. i do also have 3 years on him and dated more where he was in more serious relationships one after another. he knows of my past and it's not that i was out sleeping with everyone but i just wished i were smarter and i can't get past the guilt and shame i feel. i've confessed to a priest and even though my meds help tremendously i worry about when i go off of them. will all of this come back to haunt me? i just want to forgive myself and i'm tired of punishing myself. anyone else deal with guilt/shame, etc.?

Pixie_tired

I have been on a roller coaster of guilt and shame for years. Unlike you, I didn't have the personal insight to recognize it until it formed as depression and self destruction. One of the things that has helped me with forgiveness is understanding intention. Wayne Dyer has an excellent book and CD.

Why is it so difficult for us to forgive ourselves? This program will help you understand to treat yourself as you would a friend. Would you be judgemental and abusive to a friend with your story? Or would you find forgiveness? Does your husband judge you for your past? Probably not. So why should you? The past is just that...the past. Thank it for helping you be who you are today and move forward.

thanks for your comment. no my husband doesn't judge me, my friends don't, my family doesn't.........just me! i'll look into that book and cd you suggested. thank you!!

Pixie I know how it feels to beat yourself up on the past. I am an expert. My therapist makes me talk about it to free myself. She is wonderful. We are our hardest on ourself. It is very destructive. It robs us of the precious moment and the future. I am my own worse enemy. I do a lot of "what If" thinking. I work on forgiveness and being kinder to myself. It is so wonderful you found a great husband. You can't change it so work on letting it go. I am. Good Luck' Natalie

thanks natalie and good luck to you too. i hope hearing others and how they cope will help me. i know i'm not a terrible person but i feel like it sometimes. i just don't know how i got so lucky. thanks again

This will probably get lost in the shuffle but somewhere on the first cd Lucinda mentions: self-esteem, fear and guilt are the strongest factors. Does guilt get addressed? B/C I'm having anxiety that I'll still be depressed and feel like I'm a "loser" for not capitalizing on a "normal" life that my parents/relatives wanted/expected of me. Thanx!