a forum for those of us w/agoraphobia? Grief for those of us w/a terminally ill spouse or family member as GAD or not that is hard to go through, I know, I am living it now. The GAD just intensifies it.

Angel
I wrote in another post to you about grieving not knowing that you had suggested this one. I think it is a good idea. Although thankfully in my case I have no one close to me who has a terminal illness. I did experience this when I was younger. My grandmother, who I was very very close to lived with us when she was ailing. When she died I didn't know how to grieve. I had no one there for me, and didn't know how to express my sorrow. In fact that sorrow came to me just recently, and I first was very sad about her death, and cry alot, then I started to remember all the things we did togeather. They're still coming back to me now. I am now concentrating on all the good times.

Also something else transpired thru this grieving. My Irish wolfhound was diagnosed with cancer back in April of this year. The Dr. said at that time, that he wouldn't do further surgeries, as the cancer had spread to the lymph nodes, and there was no hope. I took his word for this at the time. But as more mammary gland tumors grew, and enlarged I knew that they would eventually ulcerate, and Tango would have to be put to sleep. I decided that I couldn't stand by and let this happen, I had to do all I could for Tango. I booked her in for surgery to remove the new tumors. She came out of the surgery OK, but then developed subcutaneous bleeding. It was extensive bleeding, and unfortunately Tango died after 3 days of medical attention. I was very say about the outcome, but as I said to the Dr's. If I hadn't tried all I could, then I would have been really upset with her passing. Knowing that I tried my best to give Tango the best quality of life I could is all I could possible do in this case. I am at peace with the results. When the Dr's took the outcome of Tango's life out of my hands, by saying he wouldn't do anymore surgery he made a decision which was not up to him. I fixed the situation by making it clear to him that it was my decision, I am the one who loves my dog.

I think that although you may say Tango was just an animal. Our love for animal or human can be interpeted the same. It is the love we feel which make the situation seem hopeless. By taking charge, and asking questions, and demanding services we feel we have done what is required for our loved ones. It give us the ability to feel that we have provided them with everything we possible can. Then when the time comes, we know that we have done our best, and knowing this makes losing them alot easier.
Sincerely
Sander

I have lost a child and I know what severe pain death can cause. I was pretty young and dealt with it in whatever way I could. I told my husband that if I ever lost anyone close to me again I would go to a grief counselor. I told him that when I have to put my dog down (she's 15!) that I will probably have to have a grief counselor for that too! I laughed about it but I mean it is sooooo hard to deal with death. We will all have to face it sooner or later but the anxiety can make dealing with it all soo much worse. WHen my grandma died 7 years ago I had to leave the after gathering early to go home and get in bed and put on a tape. I was so sick from all the stress of the previous week. You know, just do what you can and do NOT make yourself sicker by all the 'shoulds'. Just tell the family that you need help and that is that. Do not explain things to them and when they get on your case tell them to go to school for eight years, get a degree, then maybe you'll listen! I know you said you had a problem with your m-i-l. She must be hurting deeple as well. Just do the best you can and that is good enough. YOur hubby understands. About that night you made it to the hospital to drop stuff off. I think that was an accomplishment. A big one. Have ya gave yourself credit for that? You need to be kind to yourself and compassionate. Give yoruself praise. Its ok to do that. Anyways, I'm off the subject here. Grief is tough no matter who you are. YOu will be ok. You have the strength in you. We all do. Its just uncovering it that is tricky.
Reena

i really like this idea but it just seems like it could get depressing really easely

Huntress
It certainly can be depressing, thats why so many people avoid it, and in turn cope with it in many different ways, including thru anxiety. I think it's importand to understand how other people deal with grief, and perhaps we may all learn better coping skills, or learn thru others mistakes how not to grieve. I think that our anxieties were formed because we were never taught to deal with the problems which are causing our anxiety. This is a good start. Perhaps we could rename this topic, and call it rather then a Grieving forum, a forum for those dealing with problems they don't know how to fix.
My thoughts
Sander

I am new to this forum so please excuse me when I ask What is GAD. I think a forum topic on Grief is an excellent idea after all most of us have Fear (false evidence appearing real)when nothing really is going on and then when we are faced with reality such as terminal illness or the death of a child or loved one it is doubly hard to use our skills and stay in the precious present moment and not be terrified to live.
Brenda

hi brenda,
GAD is General Anxiety Disorder.

Sander,
i like your idea of calling it something other then just a grief forum because thats not just what it would be if we were to get such a folder. it would be a support for those learing to cope with greif forum. either way it's a interesting idea.

But...if it is labeled grief in some way then those who dont want to read depressing stuff can steer clear. I think we suffer grief when someone dies, of course, but also when a friendship is lost. We can grieve over many things. Would be interesting tho.
Reena

Reena
How about calling it. What are your feeling on this?. That way when someone is not sure on their feelings about something, or don't know what feeling they should be feeling, we can all give our thoughts on how we would feel in each situation. It could be as simple as someone writing that they would feel sad, mad, angry, depressed, etc. or they could elaborate, and say what they did to cope.
Sander

Hi Sander,
I didnt understand your first sentence, sorry.
Maybe we could call it "dealing with loss" that way it leaves it open for loss of any kind.
Reena

Reena and everyone.
I am so sorry for your grief and loss. I would welcome a forum dealing with this. Even if it called something else. Everyone goes thru this at one time or another in their life. We should all support each other and feel free to openly expess our feelings (no matter how depressing they may be) this way others can not feel so alone. Isn't communication the answer anyway to isolation.

We have all grieved over losses, but it takes alot of time. Now I remember the ones I loved and smile at the joy they gave me. But this takes alot of help and understanding and support.

You can't shut it away just because someone calls it depressing. The recovery is worth the talking. Communication is everything. It breaks down all pretenses; and we discover how alike and unique and precious everyone is. Going through the same things.

I think the idea is great.

REena
What I was trying to say is. Perhaps it's not grief which is the importand factor here, but, our feelings about grief. Everyone grieves in their own way. My way of grieving use to be by holding everything in, being sad inside myself, and trying to be strong. I have changed that to openly weeping, and feeling despair. Yet in some instances that changes to relief, depending on the situation in which I am grieving. If for instance when my dog died, I knew I had done everything possible for her. I did not have despair, I felt relief that her suffering was over, and I had done all I could. This summer there were many in our community who died, many of whom I knew. I held this grief in, and paid dearly for it, by being very stressed out. I also went thru a time recently where I remembered about my grandmother dying when I was young. At that time I didn't grieve, but recently that grief came out tenfold, by me crying uncontrolably. These are the ways I have grieved. The middle way which caused me the most stress, obviously is not a good way for me. But, it is the actual feelings we feel, and the way we cope with these feelings which could help others in their time of need. This does not just go for grieving, but for any issue which is important to an individual. That's why I said perhaps the title of this forum should be called. "What are Your Feelings on This".
Regards
Sander

I just found this forum today. I lost my 42 yr old daughter 16 months ago after going through a rough year in 2006 when she passed away Dec. 23. That is the reason I ordered the program. I am on session 9 and doing much better now that I've learned how to control the A/P/D.
Of course we never get over the loss and our lives are drastically changed forever. But life goes on even when we think the whole world should have come to a standstill...yes it takes inner strength but it manifested in very real physical symptoms which the program has helped me to cope with.
Another thing that helped me with the grief was that I wrote a book about my daughter after she passed, taken from the journals I kept during her illness...sad but powerful.
I am sorry for all of your losses and wish you peace.

Love

Barbara U. Cherish