What drains you? I can do just great but when I have a concern about a loved one that I can't seem to fix . . . I just want to sleep it off. I become very sad and concerned.

What is it that takes the wind out of your sails? What makes you too tired to function because of your thinking?

[This message has been edited by Victoria (edited 07-08-2001).]

Hi Victoria,

Loving drains me. I think I do it wrong.

Kris

Anxiety ...bills.... lack of money.... work... social gatherings... family.... my dog... doctors... visitors/house guests....
and money.

Dear Kris,
Why does loving drain you? If you choose you can answer here or e-mail me. We are created to love. Christ said to "Love your neighbor as yourself."

I think that if love drains you it must mean that you are a very loving and giving person.
I must compliment you.

Kris, does it drain you because the one you love doesn't know how to return it and show you love likewise? Do you think you are taken forgranted? Do you perhaps give so much of yourself that you are tired?

I help my loved ones and my body and mind is tired, drained. I do this as a mother and as a daughter to my elderly mom. I love my husband oodles and I get it back oodles. But, if one does not get it back that would be so sad.

Kris, although we do not let others to "should us" you can never be wrong to show love. Even Christ, in the ransom (death), gave love the world. For many who hate him.

Keep on being your loving self. Love brings rewards.

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Victoria

[This message has been edited by Victoria (edited 07-08-2001).]

Dear Cutufa,
I'm not sure if your joking or with a sence of humor being serious?

But, I can jokingly sincerely agree. Health and doctors if it is a chronic problem will drain. Friends and gatherings are draining because we want to look and act our best without anxiety. Fun things also bring anxiety. My cat brings anxiety. I love her and she returns cat affection. But I feel drained or anxious when I can't find her (indoor cat) in the house(worry she ran out) because she's hiding probably because she doesn't want me grabbing her to hug. I have to shake her treat bag to find her - if she wants to be found. Money? What's that? This concern and work will drain.

So, aside from this course, what are we going to do about it? Ha ha -- go to bed.
Thanks for your reply.
Victoria

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Victoria

Victoria,

Thank you for the reminders. I have been thinking negatively.
It is that I give to much, and am single, dating can be draining. I'm tired of trying.
It is sad to be rejected. It's all the more difficult to pick yourself up and try again.
And, you do feel wrong to love when it isn't returned. Thanks for the hope. I need to be more positive.
Kris

Dear Kris,
I believe that dating should not be for the purpose of recreation only. Although it should be fun or enjoyable one should not date unless they are prepared for the responsibility a relationship might have. For me when I was single and my daughters now, dating is for the purpose of marriage. Of course how do you know one can be the right one unless you get to know them? But after a couple of dates you know if that is the one you would allow yourself to love and ultimately marry. Not know for a sure thing of course, but know it's a possible thing. Not that that person is eeky.

If a person cannot return the love then you are to good to do all those loving things for one that can't respond. The right person will be there for you and be blessed by loving you in return!

First, I wouldn't date someone unless I knew that we had something in common that is important to me. For me, it is the same faith. On the dates slowly learn about that person by asking questions about their goals, likes and future plans. Are they by nature a loving person? Is the man just playing the field (or for so;meone else, the woman).

You can be a giving and loving person but not a door mat. The man needs to do like wise or he's not worth it! I would not become that persons servant. Not unless it was both ways! Then serving each other's needs.

Love what is it? Of course there has to be some attraction. But it is okay to have friendship first. "Love believes all things, hopes all things, love never fails," according to the Bible. Therefore there has to be trust and hope for and with each other then generally it won't fail.

I think I got these paragraphs out of order. But the thought is still there. I think the subject of love is something of interest to me because my husband has given many public talks on family and marriage. Therefore, I know the subject well hearing his different talks of similar and related subjects.

One thing I got out of all his talks is the need for communication. That's what makes a relationship work. The key being, listening to the other person.

Well, here I go ---- chat chat. But, I enjoy writing. And as far as checking my spelling and grammer on this one, well not this time.

Have a great day -- really all of you.

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Victoria

[This message has been edited by Victoria (edited 07-11-2001).]

Hi Victoria,

My you ask wonderful questions. I love responding to ones as such.

What drains me...well, lots of things do if I allow them to, and believe me...I do as I am human and it took me years to realize this fact...LOL...I am NOT superwoman.

Here is my list:

Lack of sleep {I MUST get my 7-8 hours in or I cannot function well AT all}

Storms {I still have this 'thing' w/storms...I get very frightened, but I stay informed, take shelter if necessary, and try so hard to cope with deep breathing and w/prayer}

Bills, money, finances of course

When everything comes at me at once...everything 'hits the fan'...not just one issue at a time...it never seems to work out that easily, I get way overwhelmed when this occurs and I need to say, "STOP" and get things into perspective...I write a lot during times as such as it helps me to 'see' it in a more realistic verses overwhelming 'light'.

My neighbor...his barking dog...me having to complain to the City and take him to court every few months and watch him get a fine and laugh at me as he has money and he could care less about that fine. It is my perfect right to have, what the law calls, 'quiet enjoyment'...not a huge lab barking 24-7...UGG...I get very stressed with this situation and I will not let it go as I was told eventually they WILL remove that dog...he never lets it inside...he keeps it out on the hottest of days and on the coldest and that is sad.

My ex-husband and his new wife...oh they cause me immense stress...they will harass me to the point of me having to involve my attorney, which costs me money...it is a mess...but when children are involved...that is life when one is divorced and it took me A LONG TIME to accept that...but I accepted it and I deal with them in the best way that I can. Short, sweet, and simple...and assertively when I need to be.

My husband now drains me too...in different way...but that is just marriage I suppose.

A chronic physical female health problem that I have battle for three plus years now and upcoming major surgery w/my doctor/hospital phobia...I am getting over that phobia...I am fine when I am not the patient, but when I am...look out...LOL

Stress really drains me.

PMS drains my energy too.

There may be more, but this is all I can think of at the time.

Take care,

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~Angel

quote:

Right this moment you have what it takes to get started. There's no need to wait any longer. In fact, waiting will only make the goal that much more distant.

~ Ralph Marston

Dear Angel,
You replied with good honnest thoughts. You are simply human.

There is so much truth to the old saying, "When it rains it pours." That's how my life is and it is the multiple problems at the same time that drain me.

So, I problem solve and attack the important ones one by one and as the Bible says, "sow seed with tears" at times.

You are becoming a strong woman because of those problems and are growing. Keep up the good work. It's okay to once in a while throw in the towel, as long as you (we) pick it up. Ha ha.

I too like to read your posts. I understood and felt for you when you wrote about your mom. At least the outcome was good.

Sincerely,
Victoria

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Victoria

A normal day drains me. Doing everyday things drain me. Waking up in the morning and wondering when the anxiety will start, the IBS will act up, the agoraphobia will take over, etc, etc drains me. My demanding siblings drain me. Boy could I go on and on! I just want to be 'fixed', like every one else here. We are good, kind people who deserve to be happy

Dear Lora,
Thanks for your reply. I am sorry that your days start and finish that way for you. You said "a normal day." Perhaps, and this an idea that may not apply but I'll bring it up because it helps me.

Routine can be stressful and humdrum. But sometimes when we add fun or exciting things then we can be really drained and the old fears come in worse than ever. However, plan something lite, just a few minutes and pleasant the night before. Example, a funny video you will look at the next day, making or buy a silly card for someone who needs it, decorate just one small corner of your place, start a short story, try a different hair style, call someone long over due that is pleasant or grateful, buy a new plant you can't kill, etc. Give yourself something to wake up to that is pleasurable and not draining. It may put a new perspective on things.

Well, most people other than us are drained these days. Life is at a fast pace and we are an unhealthy human race. For me Bible reading helps. For some people they find the book of Psalms soothing.

Sincerely,
Victoria

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Victoria

Hi Victoria.
Wow! You sure give great advice. The past couple of days have been tough on me. They don't all start and finish that way though. I have to remember that! It's that old negative thinking again! You sound like you have conquered the negative thoughts. Are you finished the program? Are you rid of the anxiety attacks? I have read many of your reply's on the forum and I think that you make others feel better about themselves. God Bless You.

Dear Victoria,

Thank you for dating thoughts. All are very wise.
Do not take this wrong, but sometimes I think married people could not possibly understand. After you have security, I think your mind forgets what it is like to fall in love and be rejected.
Dating for recreation is no fun, dating for love is, and having your love rejected hurts incredibly. I hear on many of the tapes the idea of spending alone time, this is a married problem, every night is alone time for me, all the housework is alone time for me, and no one sees my accomplishments. If it's clean or dirty, no one knows.
I'm starting to panic, so must go.
Everyone who is married or has a family I wish for them to extend to others who are single...understanding, invite someone single to dinner, help someone single who isn't even asking. You don't know me, but I bet you live near someone single that you could stop by, ten minutes of love, left overs, a hand, can change their whole week. And, even if your marriage is failing and you have your own stresses, feel lonely in your marriage, realise that you have at least someone to try with.
Kris

Dear Kris,
You are absolutely right. I may be happly married a long time but I can remember like yesturday the feeling of being alone. And I have an adult daughter who needs to be loved because she's a great person who is loving by nature. I feel here pain and would trade places with her if she found the right person. Thus, I am giving in two weeks, an indoor outdoor party and have not only invited couples but have invited between 8 to 10 eligable men and some yound single woman. I will be having between 35 and 40 people. This is not the first nor will it be the last gathering. I invited several singles whose names I got from a couple of reliable single woman! I don't believe in match makeing or shoulding. But I do believe that being single can be very lonsesome and to be a problem solver. I invite people and let the single people decide who they like themselves. I listen and give emotional support and often invite my daughter places and call singles who are also my friends so I am there for them.

I wish you the best and I soooo understand.
Please forgive me if I sound insensitive. That would be the last thing I would want to be. I understand your plight.
Sincerely,
Victoria

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Victoria

Draining....that wooould be the nights when my two kids (3 and 6) decide to get up and climb into my bed!!! Is it a panic attack? no, just the kids legs over mt chest! Then I get tired and THEN become more likely to get anxious.

Also, what is it about 1pm to 4pm that is so tiring? Does anyone else find this time of the day a "just let me lie down" time???

Doing to much in one day drains me too. Trying to do ALL the routine things AND play with the kids AND listen to friens problems!!!! Somehow we seem to do it anyway, drained or not!

dale