Mammograms
Many women are afraid of their first mammogram, but there is no need to
worry. By taking a few minutes each day for a week preceding the exam and
doing the following exercises, you will be totally prepared for the test and
best of all, you can do these simple exercises right in and around your
home.

EXERCISE ONE:

Open your refrigerator door and insert one breast in door. Shut the door as
hard as possible and lean on the door for good measure.

Hold that position for five seconds. Repeat again in case the first time
wasn't effective enough.

EXERCISE TWO:

Visit your garage at 3AM when the temperature of the cement floor is just
perfect. Take off all your clothes and lie comfortably on the floor with one
breast wedged under the rear tire of the car. Ask a friend to slowly back
the car up until your breast is sufficiently flattened and chilled. Turn
over and repeat with the other breast.

EXERCISE THREE:

Freeze two metal bookends overnight. Strip to the waist. Invite a stranger
into the room. Press the bookends against one of your breasts.

Smash the bookends together as hard as you can. Set up an appointment with
the stranger to meet next year and do it again.

YOU ARE TOTALLY PREPARED!