If we love ourselves, what does it really mean to love another person.
Love is a difficult crazy emotion that is everything in life, and yet coping with trouble is love is so confusing with anxiety. When am I loving, loving enough, or giving too much without the same in return?
How do you truely love someone? With children, it's so easy, you give without concern for yourself. But, with others relationships, especially in love relationships, the stress and anxiety gets overwhelming.
There are all these love songs on the radio, everything on t.v. has to do with love, why?
I'd like some songs about how great trees are. The focus on having love is so great.
Kris

I take it you do not have anyone in your life to love. Yes, you are right. Love relationships are extremely painful. I have a boyfriend and I am an older person. I don't like feeling along, but even having a boyfriend, I still feel along sometimes. He is a good man, but I can never marry him. Mainly, because of me. I just plain don't want to deal with the problems that goes along with it. But sometimes I wish I wanted to get married again, because then I wouldn't feel so alone at times of illness, etc. I am a widow. I was married for 22 years. I miss that married relationship. But I don't think I can do it again. At least, not with my present boyfriend. We have been a couple for five years. I and He have invested a good deal of time and activities together. Dancing, traveling, etc. I should thank my lucky stars. But I am not totally happy at times. I think I would be this way with anyone. So I feel better off this way. You are right. Love yourself first. That is very important.

I feel so angry sometimes, because my boyfriend of five years does not want to do things as much as I do. The only relationship we have is by phone most of the time. two nights a week doing something is not enough for me. and then if I try and find different things for us to do, he does not want to do them, or he does them just to keep me happy. He is more contented staying at his home. He is too damn lazy to clean up and get in his car and drive 20 minutes to spend time with me. He says he loves me, but at his convenience. The only time I feel we have a real relationship is when we go camping together or when we go to Florida in the winter. I get bored sitting at home all the time. I try to keep busy, but at night I am usually at home, unless I go over my sister's for supper sometimes. At any rate, my boyfriend seems to have a excuse. It is either he just doesn't want to, his back hurts from working on a project all day, or the weather is not just right, etc. etc. There are a couple of things coming up at my church which presents a wonderful opportunity for us to spend time together doing something different. I bet he does not go either time. I love him, but I need to do more fun things. we are dancers and travelers, but this summer so far hasn't been much fun. We have both been busy with projects. I guess I am just feeling angry because I think he is just too lazy to make the effort. I believe he loves me, but he is older than me and we are both retired. signed, getting bored. Oh yes, sometimes if I don't dance to suit him, he spends time on the dance giving me instructions. I get so tired of that when he does that, and sometimes it makes me mad. Am I holding on to this relationship out of convenience? Would I be happier without him? No, because then I wouldn't have anyone, and he is a good man in many ways. I don't want to throw away 5 years of my life. Signed Unhappy sometimes

Dear pattycakes,

Yes, definitely do not marry him. I'm no expert but don't let his choices make you sad and lonely. It makes me sad to hear. .
If I were you, which I'm not, but from an outside view, I'd like to say, if he does not show up for events, go and love everyone who is there and needs love. Maybe, don't invite him...it could be your time, your life.
If you stop expecting him to be there, asking him, I bet he'd be surprised by that!!
Then, if loving him makes you happy, enjoy the dancing, the time with him, but then go and enjoy many things without him. It sounds like he is already not there for them, so why make yourself sad, you can have both. Fun with him, and your own experiences.
I believe in love, no matter what age. I think it's a miracle when two people meet. Maybe, you will meet another man someday who you do what to marry. I bet you must miss your marriage. I doubt anything could replace that, but you can experience more things in life.
Sending you love,
and hugs!!,
Kris

Thank you Kris for your reply. You are right of course. I just need to go and make more of my own plans and not worry about him. I do love him. He is a good stable man in many ways, I just need more outlets. I am involved in some things, but when you are retired, it is not enough some weeks. Thank you for responding. You really told me what I already knew. When my husband passed away, I said I really did not want to live with anyone or get married again. Also, because of my disorder, I believe I am better off this way. He is willing to go on like we are, so I need to keep myself busy and accept what I have and be thankful for that. It could be a lot lot worse. Right? Thanks again.

Hi Pattycakes,

I understand about things not being enough sometimes, even at my age. I need more outlets too. I think everyone who is sensitive, what I like to call trouble with anxiety, needs lots of different kinds of support. You've reminded me to keep trying myself. I think it's an everyday thing. It's terrible when it is less support than expected, but it is all worth the effort, when one more thing in life brings joy and comfort. Thank you for you support.
Sending you a big hug,
Kris