Is there a forum out there for people like me who recently completed the program, and were doing well for a couple weeks but are now having a hard time again? I went through the program with a coach, and I am trying to go back through it on my own, but I am struggling to stay on top of it.

Thanks ...
Maureen

I have been done with the program for a few weeks also, and am starting to fall back into depression. I still have days when I don't want to see ANYBODY, and since I live alone, this is easy to accomplish. Still, I don't believe my self-imposed isolation is good for me. The biggest problem about it is that I really don't like people. I'm not afraid of them, just would rather be alone than deal with people. I don't have any answers right now. Just needed a place to vent - glad this forum is here.

I recommend that you start the program again. Go to the specific tape that pertains to you if you wish but do it again and again. Our minds need to hear and read something at least 8 times in order to absorb the information - to really get it. While you are doing that use this forum - any thread that pertains to you is fine and allow others to support you and to offer suggestions. There may be some things you are not seeing right now and that's OK. It's good to keep the tools in the forefront of your mind. You want them to become second nature to you and they will.

The big thing is acceptance. Practice acceptance. You don't have to be perfect at it. Just start somewhere. When you can first accept that you are still suffering with this disorder it makes it less stressful.

You can cure so please persist with your studies.

Thanks Boon. There are specific areas I need to work on: Anger, Assertiveness, Positive Self-Talk, Obsessive Thinking. What I really liked about the program was that it helped me zero in on these areas. Prior to that, all I knew was that I needed to do something different, but I didn't know what it was or where to start. I appreciate the encouragement. I liked listening to the group sessions on the tapes too, because the people were honest about the fact that they didn't "get it" immediately. It takes time to learn these new behaviors and I get impatient (guess I should have added Patience to my list above!) I have had days where I felt so good it actually scared me! And if I have a few of those days in a row, I can see the possibilities of a completly changed life. Having tasted how good I can feel, it's especially hard when I get depressed or negative. I don't want to live like that anymore. Thanks again. It's great to have a place to talk it out with like-minded people.

Hi A/P Pro and Boon,
Thanks for chiming in on this post. A/P Pro, I am sorry to hear of your relapsing depression. I had the same thing happen to me when I finished the program, and I just couldn't seem to get on top of it.

I have been feeling a bit better now -- I think the sunshine has something to do with it -- but I was the same way you describe. I didn't want to go out anywhere, I didn't want to get in the shower, I didn't want to answer the phone. I have two young girls, so for their sakes I HAD to go out (pick them up from school, take them to appointments, activities, etc.) so I suppose that was a good thing. Otherwise I would have been happy at home alone all day. I know exactly what you mean about just wanting to be alone and not deal with people. To me it's just too draining sometimes.

I tried to listen to the tapes again, but couldn't focus or get motivated.

Boon -- thank you so much for your reply to A/P Pro. You are giving me renewed hope and new ideas of how I can get back into the program. I like the idea of picking any tape and just START LISTENING. I was trying to start from the beginning again, but it wasn't working.

I think it's really interesting that it takes 8 times of hearing something to sink in! I am thinking about listening to one of the CDs 8 times over and over, just so that I won't have to decide what to listen to!

A/P Pro, if you'd like we can post back and forth on this thread and let each other know what tapes we're listening to ... and if we get stuck we can help each other out of the muck. Kind of cheer each other on? It sounds as if we share a lot of the same struggles. It would be great to have a partner in this.

I am pulling for you, and I hope you are doing okay. What tape do you think you'll start with? I am going to listen to Tape 3: Positive Self-Talk. I have listened to that one the most -- at least 6 times. But I need a couple more to get it to sink in!

Take care, and post back when you can.

Thanks again,
Maureen

Maureen,
Yes, let's do that. Tape 3 sounds like an excellent place to start. I also need to practice writing out my replacement dialogue. It really does help change the direction of my thoughts because I have to concentrate and think of a different way to look at things. I may ask for help with phrases I can't seem to replace, but I've already found I feel better now that I'm reviewing the program with fellow-forum members. When I "finished" the program, I stopped listening to the tapes, reading, everything..so it wasn't on my mind as it had been the previous 15 weeks. When I reach out to the rest of you, I have to remember what I've learned and it keeps it fresh and in focus. Maureen, have you had days when you felt different and you KNEW the program was working? Lets look forward to more and more of those days. Thanks and take care.

Anita

Hi Anita,
Yes -- when I was going through the program, I DID have days where I felt different. I was much more positive and upbeat, especially after Lesson 3. I took a dip downwards when we got somewhere around Lesson 11, and then when the program ended I found myself crawling back into my "shell" and having a harder time applying the things I learned. Since I had a coach through the coaching program, I had someone to hold me accountable each week, and to help me keep my focus. Now it's just me, and it's harder.

I still do see benefits from the program, as far as recognizing the negative thoughts and trying to replace them (sometimes it's hard to do that!), not worrying as much (or stopping myself from worrying), and catching myself trying to be a perfectionist; things like that. Also, reminding myself that what other people think of me doesn't change who I am.

If you ever get stuck on a negative thought that you have a hard time replacing, feel free to let me know. I can try to help. I will do the same with you, if that's okay. Sometimes I find myself stuck in a circle of negative thoughts, and it's too overwhelming to try to change them. One thing that has worked for me when I get like that is I write down the "good" things about myself, or the good things I did that day. It helps change my focus from negative to more positive. Then I go back to the negative thoughts and have an easier time replacing them.

So, I will listen to Tape 3 today and I'll think about you listening too. It's kind of like having an exercise partner -- if I had to exercise myself I wouldn't do it, but if I knew someone was waiting for me to go with them, I would be more motivated :-). I have to wait until tonight when my husband gets home -- I am not sure how to listen with my two girls home (they are 4 and 8).

Thanks so much for touching base, and keep me posted!! I hope too that we have more and more of those good, "different" days!

Maureen

Maureen,
Sorry for the lapse in responding, but had a terrible time with depression this weekend. Triggered by manipulation & rejection by my parents. Couldn't focus enough to identify what my thoughts were, much less write a positive alternative. Doing better today.
I've listened to tape 3 twice since we agreed to do it. I have trouble retaining the spoken word, and I also have trouble listening to one person's voice going on and on, so I don't picture myself being able to listen to it 8 times. What I think I'll do is go through it once more, very slowly, while taking notes. I remember things better when I write them down. I listened to it on my commute to and from work and I remember spots where I'd think "that's a really good point", but now I can't remember what they were. All I can recall is that negative thinking is an addiction I need to work on EVERY day (hhmmm...when I finished the program, I stopped doing that!); if I weren't a negative thinker, I wouldn't have a problem with depression (makes sense); and a comment Ken made about making better progress once he was able to separate his thoughts from who he was, by repeating "thoughts, only thoughts". I don't know how long it will take me to take my notes, but I should be able to keep track of where I am on the CD by the numbers. I may not be able to do it until next weekend.
How are you doing? Hope all is well. Take Care.
Anita

Hi Anita,
I am sorry to hear about your rough weekend. I am again struck by the similarities we share. Same type of triggers (rejection is a HUGE issue for me, and manipulation/guilt trips by my Mom used to set me off a lot. Things are getting better with that now, but I REALLY understand the feeling that can evoke!).

I also understand how things can get so muddied in my mind with negativity and depression that I can't focus at all; that trying to think of something positive to say to myself just seems ridiculous. I've even tried it sometimes and I just end up saying it sarcastically to myself because it SO does not ring true during those times. So, if it helps at all, you are definitely not alone in this! It is also during those times when I need to reach out the most that I don't feel like reaching out at all. Like a viscious circle. I give you a lot of credit for climbing out of the hole and listening to Tape 3, and getting back on the forum -- I know how hard that is. I am so glad you did!

That is GREAT that you listened to Tape 3 twice already. I know what you mean about forgetting the points after you hear them, even when they make an impact. The ones you did remember really stood out for me too -- especially negative thinking being an addiction, and the "thoughts, only thoughts" comment from Ken.

I am sorry to admit that I didn't listen to Tape 3 like we agreed, but instead listened to Tape 4. I think it's because I have listened to Tape 3 about 6 times already, and even though I love that tape I couldn't stomach the thought of listening to it again just yet. I hope that is okay ... I still think it's good that we are encouraging each other to listen to tapes, whichever we end up choosing, because I really don't think I would have listened at all if it wasn't for you :-). (Thank you!)

It turns out that Tape 4 was just what I needed -- I needed to remind myself that life isn't going to be perfect, each day isn't going to be perfect, and certainly I can never be perfect (I am far from it!). I don't really have high expectations of other people, but I do beat myself up ... a lot. I am hard on myself for my weaknesses, and I tend to only see the failures and not the strengths/successes.

I will listen to that tape 2 more times, and take notes on it, so we will be working at the same pace.

By the way, I love your idea of taking notes on the tapes! I am going to do that for sure. That is another area where we are similar: I tend to easily drift off just listening to a voice. (Even at church when the voice is attached to a face I drift off!). Taking notes has always helped me stay focused, and then have something to refer back to. Why didn't I think of that? Thanks for the great idea.

Thanks so much for checking in and holding me accountable. I hope you are feeling better tonight. Hang in there and always feel free to drop me a line if you need to. If you'd like to private email me, feel free to do so anytime.

Take care,
Maureen

Maureen,
Don't apologize for listening to a different lesson. I could be wrong, but that seems like a significant step for you. Previously you said you had a hard time doing this on your own, but by making an independent decision like that and getting what YOU needed, you showed that you CAN do it. Since the whole program is tied together, whatever you learn, remember, practice and share with me will be beneficial for both of us. It seems to me part of the whole goal is to understand ourselves better so we can recognize what we need to do and say to ourselves to recover and participate in life more fully. You demonstrated that by doing what you needed to do at the time, and I applaud you for it
Thank you so much for putting into words the frustration of trying to do positive dialogue in the midst of severe depression(your 2nd paragraph). That's exactly what happens to me, right down to the sarcasm! The only thing I could say to myself that I knew was true was that it would pass, because I've been through it so many times before. I just had to wait it out. I'm glad to know I'm not alone in this type of thinking. And you're right about not wanting to reach out at those times. I hate to admit it, but when someone tries to encourage me when I feel like that, I feel sarcastic towards them as well. Not a nice thing to admit, I guess, but I think part of my recovery depends on being honest about my shortcomings. I wish I had more time to write, but I need to get ready for work. Keep up the great work! And thanks.
Anita

Barb, Thanks for the input. One part of the program focuses on nutrition, so it makes sense improvements in that area would help. Fortunately for me, that was one area in which I was already doing well. I definately have a "thinking" problem and will continue to exert my efforts in changing and dealing with that.

Hi Barb,
Thanks for the information. My nutrition is so-so -- I try to avoid sugar and eat mostly protein (I need to get better with fruits and vegetables!). My worst vice is caffeine.

I have tried a lot of different vitamins, supplements, shakes, etc., and they really don't help me much. I am very sensitive to chemicals, and even vitamins and supplements can affect me adversely. I have tried your product in the past and liked it, but it didn't make a huge difference for me.

Thanks though, for the input and recommendation!

Maureen

Hi Anita,
How are things going for you? Getting sick of Tape 3 yet? :-). I listened to Tape 4 again yesterday and actually dozed off a bit! Good thing I wasn't driving! I will stay awake for it when I type out the notes as I listen. That is such a great idea I can't wait to get to it -- I just have to find a good chunk of time. I might be able to do it on Thursday. I am also going to type up notes to Tape 3, hopefully this weekend.

I was a little discouraged yesterday, because I have been focusing on Tape 4 and how life isn't perfect, things aren't always going to go as planned, etc. But yesterday I was more overwhelmed than usual with my kids. My 4-year-old kept melting down in the middle of her swim lesson, and I had to decide whether to go to her rescue or hide and let the instructors handle it. The first time I ran to the rescue, but the 2nd time I didn't, but that made things worse because she just kept screaming louder to get my attention!

Meanwhile, my 8-year-old was hot and bored during her little sister's lesson. She wanted to swim afterward, but it was lunch time, and my younger daughter was exhausted. So of course my older daughter was disappointed. And then I felt bad that I disappointed her. I felt anxious and guilty and tired and overwhelmed, and it lasted all day. All the "little" things just built up and felt so big.

Oh well, thanks for listening to me vent. I think I was extra discouraged because I know that each day is going to bring difficulties and challenges, and by listening to Tape 4 I was extra prepared for those challenges -- but I still got overwhelmed and anxious. I think Tape 3 will be an important "next step" for me.

How are you doing? I hope your week is going well. Take care, and touch base when you can ... Thinking of you!

Maureen

Anita,
P.S. Thanks for the support and encouragement about me making a decision to listen to a tape and going for it. I didn't think of it that way at first, but you are right -- it was a little success for me :-). I appreciate having you to bounce things off of, share what I've learned, and motivate me to get going with the program again.

Also, I know what you mean about feeling sarcastic toward someone when they try to encourage you when you are feeling especially depressed. I think that's your depression talking, not you personally. For me I tend to get irritable, especially when someone says, "Things could be worse." I feel like clobbering them! I suppose people who don't understand the dynamics of real depression just have no idea of what to say or not to say. My poor husband tries and tries to help me see the brighter side of things, or see things rationally, but I can get so deep into the pit that I just can't see things in any other light.

It is good to have someone out there who does understand and relate! Hopefully we both will have less and less of those times.

Take care!
Maureen

Hi Maureen, Hey, you motivated me to listen to lesson 4, and it DID help. Now I'm going to throw some of it back at you (cause I had a revelation for myself as well along the same lines). I set myself up for disappointment with unreasonable expectations constantly. And a woman named Jan said one of her "shoulds" was about the program itself! Yikes! I relate to that big time. I wanted to do this program perfectly, and when I was done the 15 weeks, I wanted to be perfectly reformed with no more work and struggle. I have also had those wonderful days we discussed earlier and have gone back to some of the same activities I did on those days EXPECTING to reproduce the same feelings...nothing. I got mad. Am I a control freak or what? A big goal I set for myself is to insulate the crawl space under my house in an effort to reduce oil consumption next winter. The first few times I went down there, it was new and interesting - a challenge. Now I'm not finding it so much fun. So I had to ask myself if I was doing it for the feeling, or am I focused on the goal I first had in mind. I'm working with myself now to accept that it's OK if I'm not enjoying every second. This is hard.
I have to hand it to you for dealing with 2 kids and a husband. My relationship skills are so limited that I can only live alone (with my dog). I have 2 failed marriages to prove it. There's no way you can possibly please everyone all the time. Tough as it is, even your children will have to learn that life isn't fair and you can't always get what you want. Does it help your older daughter if you at least acknowledge her disappointment and tell her you understand?