I'm new to the forums. I'm sorry, but I have to vent. I can't afford a therapist and I need to get this off my chest. I have suffered from IBS-D for 1 year and a half now. I can't take it anymore. I have contemplated suicide (but I won't go through with it (I'm a christian), they're just thoughts), wondering what life would be like for others without me. I feel like a burden to my husband and my family. It feels so ugly for my husband to want to go out for our anniversary and I'm unable to because I have IBS-D, a bit of agoraphobia too. I worry about everything. I'm living with my father-in-law who smokes. My husband and I are nonsmokers. It gives me the worst stomachache in the world when I smell it. I feel like he hates us because he does things on purpose, but we can't move out because we can't afford to pay rent.
I'm also attending college full time from home though. I have to start taking traditional courses in the upcoming semester though because there are no more internet courses. I'm a Biology major and obviously that's hands on, so there's no way around it. I don't know how I'm going to do it. I ordered the program. I want to know if there is someone out there with IBS-D who is attending college, or has a full time job. Please help me. I'm very desperate. I don't know what to do anymore. I also suffer from chronic back and joint pain. I don't know why I have so many health ailments (I'm only 21). I have had debilitating headaches on one side of my head (back, right quadrant) that last no more than 7 seconds. A similar pain is experienced in my eye. It is a excruciating pain that almost brings you to your knees. I have severe PMS to the point where the doctor had to prescribe me Seasonale. To make things worse, the price went from $135 to $156! (I can't afford insurance.)It's a good thing I had a little extra cash at hand at the time...
I also suffer from photosensitivity? When I go out into the sun, my arms, neck and back break out into little pimples and bleed, but I go inside and they are completely gone, no scarring! When I stress out to the max I get what you would call seborreic dermatitis all along my nose and around my mouth. I feel so ugly. I also have sleep paralysis. I hate it with a passion. Fortunately, it's an on and off thing . I rememember this past May I had it every day for 2 weeks, because of my final exams. It's terrible. I hope none of you will ever go through it. My husband is starting to worry about my health. I recently found out that I had tachycardia. My doctor attributes it to stress. My husband thinks that I might have Lupus. I don't think I have it though...
I want a close relationship with God. Right now I feel "iffy" about his existence. How could I be going through so much? I'm only 21 and I have all these health problems. My husband sighs when I ask him to massage my back. I'm afraid he is going to leave me because of all my illnesses. I feel like dying. I'm angry at everything around me. Please pray for me. I want a closer relationship with God. I heard somewhere that the prayers of 2 or more people will be heard, or something like that. I want nothing more than to be happy and help people. I wish I could be normal and do so many things. I want to have a job and volunteer. I want to help people but my IBS-D won't let me. Please help me. Thank You, and sorry for venting so much. Thanx for listening to me. I greatly appreciate it. God Bless You all for the struggles that you face daily. I wish I was as strong as all of you...

Dear College girl,
Wow! I read your story and I just had to pray for you right them and there to give you strength. I wish I had an answer for you but I am struggling myself. Believe it or not but I lived in that area many years ago. You don't know me but I would like to be an encouragement to you and if you would like to talk or pray just email me. Duraflex@msn.com
may God Bless you and give you peace
that you are not alone.

from one who understands,

jon

Hi College Girl,

I know right now everything seems so negative, so overwhelming like it will not get any better. It will though.

Are there any student services that are offered on campus? My step daughter has a free clinic on campus and they can direct students to services that are free or on a sliding scale, depending on your financial status. They give out meds for free or close to free. Also, I know our county health department directs people to free clinics. We also have a stand alone health clinic that is free to residents that are in need. You do have some health issues that a doctor should look at. I say that because it is affecting your happiness. Sometimes anxiety and depression mimic other health issues, sometimes not. It is better to get in and get checked. The sooner the better; to get to the bottom of things and get you feeling better.

Unfortunenatley, that is your FIL house, he can do what he wants. Maybe if your husband approach him and ask if he could smoke in 1 room, or step outside? Get him a smokeless ashtray and an air purifier? Or put an air purifier in your living areas, especailly the bedroom. It is his home though, do not be surprised if you are defeated in the request. You tried though.

I too suffered from anxiety and depression and at one time was agoraphobic as well. I went back to school. My yearning for an education far outweighed being afraid. It took some talking up, positive statments, encouragement, support, love...with all that, I moved forward one step at a time. SUre I was afraid, but I was more afriad WHAT IF I did not make this move? Then I know I would be stuck. I just pushed through the fear and allowed myself to feel it. I desensitized myself little by little. I never lost it in class, or in the school. NEVER! That was just my negative thinking and obsessive thoughts keeping me down. We fear the unknown. But it is unknown, so what do we fear? In the past, we conquered many obsticals in the past, this is no different. Think back to your accomplishments, you were very capable and intelligent, yes? I bet you were! What has changed? It is our false perceptions of ourselves. I understand IBS is an issue, but there is hope, you will be able to go out again. I have issues from time to time. Who cares? It is a public restroom, you will most likely not see any of those people again, and who has not had an epsiode in a public restroom? Please! That is what the restroom is for! There are much worse things that have happened to me! Somehow my skirt accidently got stuck in my pantyhose... . I had big, puffy skirt stuffed in the panthose butt! I was in a hurry! That was embarrasing!

I too questioned God, why do I have this immune disease with no known cause, no cure, no know course, doctors are clueless, just prescribe prednisone. I was upset, hurt, I wondered if there was a God, then this would not happen. Goodness I was angry, I cried, I looked around and actually took note of all the happy people that have not a care in the world, smiling and carrying on, not burdened with an illness and was envious because they do not have a dark cloud over their heads. But when I finished crying and feeling sorry for myself, I realize that I am still in control, I still can help myself, make positive changes in my diet and excercise to benefit my health, to improve my condition to lessen the symptoms. Having a positive attitude is tremendous in dealing with chronic health issues and pain. I highly recommend "Head First" by Norman Cousins. I have read it and it has changed my attitude about being ill. You really are not as helpless and hopeless as you may think.I am currently reading a Christian book, "I need your strength, Lord", by Emilie Barnes. So far, it is giving me the strength and making me see life in a whole new way. My thinking, priorities, outlook are so very different. I see the simple pleasure and enjoy those. I think this happened for a reason. It also may help if you speak to a support group at church, talk to your pastor/priest for guidance.

Also, talk to your husband. I did with mine as he did not understand what was happening, all he could do is try to soothe me, love me. I know he was scared and concerned, it was it is his eyes. Keeping the lines of communication open are so important. Unless someone goes thorugh it, they will not really understand it.

As far as you sun pimples, seborreic dermatitis, I really think our husband looks past that. I know, I have adult acne that can flare and has a bit from the prednisone. My husband loves me regardless. I do not like the acne, but I have gotten past feeling ugly about it. I tried to treat it with a derm dr, only to get horrible side effects from the med. No thanks! I will love myself just the way I am! I have been told I am beautiful on the inside, that I am helpful, kind , giving...but I never saw it. I am a humble person. Now though, I am seeing that sure, ok, I guess I am. That is not a bad thing. I am glad that whatever I may say, do , write, that it has a positive effect on people. I also do not see the physical attributes of people first, I notice their speech, vocabulary, the way they carry themselves, their eye contact, attitude, confidence...looks do not matter. You can be drop dead gorgeous, but if one has an ugly personality, it just sours the looks. We age, looks do as well, unless you have plastic surgery. No thank you!

I will pray for you. I understand th epressures of being a student, meeting deadlines, research papers. The program is great, I think it will really help you, especially the time management lesson. It has helped me keep on task without stressing.

I am glad you found this website. There are many great people that can support you through this. You are not alone by a long shot!

Take care! LizB

Dear collegegirl,

I'm so sorry you are experiencing many medical issues right now and uncomfortable pains. I pray that you will find the help necessary to pull yourself through this rough patch. Anxiety alone is a fairly huge burden. I cannot imagine having everything you listed here and anxiety/depression. Please know I am praying for you. Also, I want to add that the first thing that popped up to me when I read your post is maybe there is some hope in changing your diet. Food can be a powerful healer. I would recommend you take a look at Dr. Weils books or any books on healing with natural foods. Another thing that might be worth looking into is pilates or yoga. Speak with your doctor to see if this is something they would recommend for your back aches/headaches and other pains you are experiencing.

Talk to God. Let Him know all your worries, all your burdens, all your fears. Yell, cry, go ahead and tell Him everything. He wants to hear from you and wants to help you...we must learn to let Him in. I am on a spiritual walk right now that has been very difficult and confusing for me but I have to trust God is leading me to where he wants me. Remember to thank God too. Sometimes we overlook the good we have been given. Yes my anxiety stinks and there are things about my life I wish weren't so hard, frustrating, etc. BUT, wow, there is so much good too. I am fed every day, I have a place to sleep, I have 2 wonderful children, and husband who loves us, I am able to feel, smell, touch, taste, see, hear. I have this program and support on this site. There is so much to be grateful for each and every day, even with anxiety/pain. Try and make it a point to recognize all these wonderful things we sometimes overlook.

Next, I would suggest you join a support group. There was another college student on here that said his campus offered therapy. Maybe you can speak with the campus therapist and they may have some information on support groups. And remember we are here too. There is a chat room on this site also that is full of people that are suffering or have suffered with anxiety and they offer wonderful support.

You are not alone. God Bless You.

PS Here are some books I found on-line that might be helpful

- Carper, Jean, Food: Your Miracle Medicine
-Graves, W.H.,D.C., Medicinal Value of Natural Foods
-Hausman, Patti, M.S., Healing Foods
-Murray, Michael, N.D., The Healing Power of Foods

Wow! I would like to thank everyone for their prayers. There has to be a God...not 2 hours later after posting, I received my package from UPS. I swear it was perfect timing. I was crying and yelling at my husband and he said "Relax, everything will be okay. I know it" and then I heard the UPS truck honk and pull up and we were like "Wow, perfect timing"

My college offers free counseling but that's it. No free or reduced meds. I've talked to all the counselors and most of them don't know what IBS-D is. I explained it to one of them and she made a face like "that's gross". The only reason I bought the program was the counselor/salesperson that I spoke with over the phone. I've been to therapists before and I have to tell you they are not as compassionate as the person I spoke too. He gave me hope. I told him, "I have tried everything. This is it for me. I have nothing else to try. Do you honestly think this will make me get over IBS and my fears? Do u think that I will be able to go to college like other normal people?" and he said "Yes. I guarantee it. I know it." I hope he wasn't pulling on my heart strings to make a sell....
Tell me I didn't make a mistake. Give me reassurance. This is pricey for me, but I have tried everything. I hope this works.
For any social phobics/agoraphobics/people afraid of driving, how long into the program did it take to get out of the house comfortably without having an anxiety attack, or significantly reduced anxiety? The guy over the phone said I should be able to attend classes August 29 if I began the program today. Do you think that's a little too optimistic for me? I have a month to get better. Can anyone tell me some uplifting experiences/breakthroughs with this program? I think it would make me feel better if I hear other people's successes/progress.

Thank you all for praying for me. It means so much to me. I feel relieved that I'm not alone and that this forum exists. God Bless each and every one of you! I hope that God led me here and that this program and forum are the answer to my prayers. Thank you.

Dear Collegegirl-

I just wanted to say that there is hope and help as well for your situation. I have a best friend that also deals with IBS and she manages to work and take care of a family. I know she really has a hard time when she gets stressed out. She and I took some classes together at our local college and sometimes she would be dealing with IBS situations and I with anxiety and we would just start laughing. We made it through and sometimes you realize that there are also people there that are dealing with the same situations as you. I also wanted to say that I had another friend as well who also dealt with IBS and she was told she might have lupus and rheumatoid arthritis. She was only 19 years old. I went to my local health and nutrition store and spoke with a nutritionist who had these same problems and is now in remission. This is what she recommended: Acidolphilus-Bifidus with FOS, it aids in maintaining a healthy balance of intestinal flora. That brand is made by UAB Labs but you can go into your local health store and find various brands and types of Acidolphilus. Be sure to get it in the Refrigerated Section,it comes in capsule form. By the way, my friend also got better too and did well as long as she was consistent in taking it. This supplement is not expensive at all and well worth the try. You can also check this out on the internet. I did with Google and just entered lupus and acidolphilus. Be encouraged because you will be when you check this out for yourself. I know that God loves you and He's closer than you know.

Hi collegegirl~
I too know what its like to have limitations everyday of my life
We all are not as strong as you may think we are
we all have our obstacles to overcome some are the same as others and some are different.
So you are not alone. Have faith in God and keep your head up, things WILL get better.
And you came to the right place for support,
Their are alot of caring people here,who have always been here through my good times and bad.
I have been coming here for about 5 yrs. now and the people are great! Hang in there.

CollegeGirl,

Glad that the program came just in time! I did have fears about driving, but those are long gone now. I cannot remember how long it took, but I know it was not long because I too went back to school and needed to drive myself because I had no other options. Now looking back, I was driving around several weeks before Christmas shopping ALL ALONE! I got the program mid-November, so that was not time at all. I also did not rip the program open right away, as I had my doubts, I was just gonna ship it right back. That was my negative thinking talking!

Glad I did not. I can drive anywhere, go anywhere, do anything. The fear is not there, it does not limit my life anymore. Tomrrow I am picking my aunt up from O'Hare airport...it is really busy, lots of traffic, crazy cab drivers, people that literally are lost and do not watch where they are driving. I have not thought about all thouse things until now, and even now it does not scare me. I am looking forward to seeing my aunt, I have not seen her for close to 6 years, that is my focus, my positive.

MEDS - Have you contacted Barr Pharmaceuticals to see if they have a patient assistance program to get meds free or at a reduced cost?

Barr Laboratories, Inc.
Customer Service Department
2 Quaker Road, PO Box 2900
Pomona, NY 10970 Phone (800) 222-4043
Fax (201) 930-3319

If not, see if your city or county has a health clinic. You may be able to secure services/meds through them for free or at a reduced cost (depending on income, etc)It is worth a try.

I think you will be ready to hit the books by August 29th. Keep in mind the program will take effort on your part, time, dedication, it is not a just listen to the tapes and that it is type of thing, you need to read the workbook and do the assignments, journaling and practicing your new found skills. Practice is so important as we learn, it renforces the lessons and demonstrates to us that we CAN do it. We build upon every step forward. If we misstep and trip, that is ok, it is part of learning. I really think you can do this.

I was agoraphobic my 1st time around with anxiety/depression 3 years ago and I could tell this past October it started to come back. I ordered the program and never got to the point where I was homebound. Yes I was scared, but I put one foot in front of the other, faced my fears and started living again. You will too. Be patient with yourself. Treat yourself as you would your best friend, with loving kindness, gentle, reassuring words, compassionate support. Remember to give yourself some great big hugs too!

Warm wishes, LizB

Dear CollegeGirl2005956, i am so sorry to hear that you are going through such a hard time. I think a good idea whenever you feel stressed out is to write in a journal or write on here(the forums) and let everything out, it's not good to have anything bottled inside. Another good idea is talk to a friend or family member someone that will comfort you when you are upset. Just last nite i was feeling a lot like you i felt so many emotions, anger, sadness, frustration, and confusion. and what helped me last nite was going outside and getting some air and writing whatever i wanted in my journal, to pray and talk to God helps A LOT, and talking to a friend helped as well. So i hope these suggestions will help give you some comfort. Also about seeing a therapist some clinics are free and some are on a sliding scale where it's very cheap and is based on how much income you have and they have individual or group therapy along with prescribing meds if you wanted or needed them. You just have to do some searching on where these clinics are. And when i was in college there was a doctor on campus a psychologist and psychiatrist and it was for free. so you can always ask your advisor where to go for free therapy on campus or other clinics by you. i also don't want you to feel like u are a burden to anyone because you aren't. I am sure your family and friends love you very much and want to comfort you and be there for you. What helps me a lot is to know that God loves me and is there for me i want you to believe in that too because he is there for you and loves you. As you can tell i'm Catholic so you understand where i am coming from. About your father in law smoking, you and your husband should talk with him and tell him that you would greatly appreciate it if he could smoke outside because it bothers you to the point where it makes you sick. Along with panic attacks i also suffer from IBS sometimes D sometimes C so i guess i'm IBS A (alternate, back and forth). i can relate to how u feel frustrated and worried. maybe u feel you have too much going on all at once. you should either cut down on some of the things you are doing and just concentrate on making yourself feeling better and sticking to the program. I know school is important and when i had to take classes on campus i was also very scared and nervous and what helped me was my attitude about it, and it did work. the attitude i had was " so what". i wasn't going to let me sickness or fear stop me from getting my degree, my degree was way more important than me feeling embarrassed if i had to leave the classroom to use the bathroom , what 's the worst that could happen, someone mite think something or say something , big deal it's only words or thoughts if anything. in the end u will still have ur degree to be proud of and that' s way more important than someone else's thoughts or words. i hope that made sense. and if anything u could always tell the teacher ur problem i'm sure they will be very understanding about it. i'm turning 24 this month and believe me at times i'm also like why does everyone else get to go out and have fun and i'm stuck at home cuz i'm too scared or sick to go out. and at times i'm like why am i so darn sick and why me, in reality so many people are like us, and the rest have other problems as well, the point is we think everyone else has it perfect and in reality no one does, we all struggle with something in our lives, and it helps to know that we are not alone, that we can help others, that others can help us, that others feel the exact same way we do. if u go through these forums u will find others that feel or think the same way u do, i know i did and i thought i was the only one on this planet that felt a certain way about things. and it's comforting to know u aren't alone in this. i also want you to know that i did pray for you as soon as i read your post and never give up your faith, God is with you always. and i believe you are a strong person. if you ever feel like talking my email address is breathenaked@hotmail.com yes i know it sounds like a crazy name but it's just from a song i liked a few years ago called breathe (naked remix). lol. anyway i hope u r feeling better i know ur post was originally posted about a week ago, but i only saw it today. So feel free to email me or talk on here if u'd like about anything, at times we all need some comforting God bless you

dear college,My prayer for you is that you will heed my words from experience.I had IBS for several years.First it was constipation in my 20-30's then the runs then both alternating in my 33-40's.I was so busy working several jobs,raising 2 children-1 child was hyperactive and I my husband was alcoholic.All throu these years I was on my knees in prayer for the stability of our marriage.My health suffered fom the chronic stress.I had food and environmental allergies since I was a small child and they improved a little over the years as I embraced natural foods and herbs.I must tell you the single most significant change I made in my diet was to give up wheat gluten products.My MD gave me a test and it showed negative for celiac disease(wheat gluten intolerance)When my natural health practioner told me ( through Iridology)that I must give up wheat I was reluctant-but over the months I did-and the IBS stopped!!It had to-my mouth was cracking on the sides from loss of the water-soluable vitamins.I also take excellent products for stress management.I also read "Eat Right for Your Type"which is about the proper foods for your blood type.Please check it out-and give up all wheat gluten products.Theres are plenty of wheat gluten free breads and products you can eat-and get your health back.I'm sending you positive energy now!

collegegirl,
I know exactly how you feel. I am a 20 year old male and also attending college. I have had ibs real bad for the past year and a half or so. I would leave class on many occasions because of it. I am leavin for school again in a week and I'm hoping this program will help me.

Try a homeopath, I am COMPLETELY HEALED from IBS due to a good homeopath. Please try something I had it for 14 painful, painful years and having gone to one, I haven't had a bout in 20 years!!! You have to try things that maybe you think wouldn't be worth it. I did, I thought it'd be a waste but I was desperate. I guess that's when you try anything, hit rock bottom, and there's no where to go but UP! Good luck.

I work full time and I am the primary income in the house. If I don't go to work, we don't eat. I suffer from IBS. I was diagnosed 1 and a half years ago. I just ordered the program because I have been working on my diet and I am struggling with the depression. I feel like you do a lot. I sometimes wonder why my boyfriend stays around. There is relief. You will have to look at things differently to do it, but you can feel better. I have good days and bad, but the good days outnumber the bad and they are more and more frequent. Stick with it.

Have you ever herd of Dr. Ohhira's Probiotics. Please look it up on the internet. Please study what it can do for you.

Wow, I have read all of the stories above, and I can surely relate to many of them. I have to encourage all, I have had many health challenges due to stress including a couple scares with cancer. When I was in my early 30's I thought I would never make it to see my mid 30's. I was a total mess.I am nearing 50 now and God has Blessed me Over and Over Again! It has everything to do with the Faith that God Does Love and Care for you and that there is nothing to big or small for him. Learning to believe and trust that God was in control of what ever my situation was changed my attitude. It broke the fear that had me so bound.I had to take baby steps. I really did. When you believe that you can and are going to get better, you begin to look for things to help. You will no longer be hopeless. Look for natural things, things that God made, I can remember the first day that I noticed the sunshine, and the birds singing. It brought a calm that I couldn't believe.You see nothing in our bodies works right with the stess. I suffered from fibromyalgia, high glaucomma pressure,tummors,very low blood pressure, low blood sugar, skin dissorders,arthritis,migraines,allergies,and as I said 2 cancer surgries caught in time and ear problems.It was one problem after the other.My weight would go up and down by 50 pounds within a couple months time. I really had to believe, or get worse. I too had bowel problems. My stress was brought on by many many tramma's in my life, such as 2 brothers killed at the same time, lost both parents by 32, 4 house fires in my life time,and then divorces. I had so many voids in my life that was fighting against me. I had to make the decision to live many times. I know giving up did cross my mind over and over again, but God gave me life, I owe mine to him. I could'nt take any of the meds that were given to me, so it took me a while to get better. Ever tiny bit of progress in my health, I wanted to notice and would rejoice. I began the most amazing fruit juice that has done more for me than I could ever immagine. It has no bad side effects and can be taken with any meds. I met a nurse that told me about it. I couldn't believe all of the things this juice was doing with so many peoples lives. My depression was the first thing that I noticed changing right away. My energy, my pain, my bowels. Now my BP is normal, my eye pressure is normal, and my tummors are shrinking. It is a God Thing! It is the mangosteen fruit juice. I have tried about 4 brands and I have decided on one brand that has worked for me. I have websites, info that you are more than welcome to research. Just e-mail me. My e-mail address is dianncietta@yahoo.com . Get you some juice and stay with it for at least 90 days. I believe that you will be amazed.I try to tell everyone that I know about it.The brand that I take is by distributor only, but there are others at health food stores. I became a member to purchase wholesale, and have mine delivered to me. They also gave me a website to share. Hang in there, God Bless You all ! My prayers are with you. Diann