Once again, as I continue to read through this site I am truly amazed and relieved. Every symptom that has troubled me is mentioned here. We are in a sad state arent we? Since I am still new at this healing process I am still troubled by all the mind body & soul sickness that come from depression and anxiety. Actually what comes first really? The diseases of arthritis, diabetes, weight prblms, body joint & muscle pain, relationship problems, financial stress etc etc or the depression and anxieties?

I cannot remember when was the last time I did not have pain in my body. When I visualize, I usually go as far back to when I was 10-12yrs of age, riding on bikes, climbing tress, to remember when I was comfortable, pain free, can hold my pee, can smile and laugh, hear with my ears, see with my eyes, sing and feel that there is something around to feel joy and trust about.

NOW it is a real struggle to smile, laugh, feel joy, get up in the morning, have a shower, take care of my home, pay bills, shop, do hobbies, go to bed and sleep at a decent hour, eat whatever I really like, walk without tripping and falling on my face, like I did recently; not worry if I will make it to a washroom on time, find a true and trustful friend, have sex with spouse,find my car keys, keep my faith in God, keep my sanity and dignity. Not only that, when I leave the house, I need to go through my check list: diabetic parafanillia, meds, depends, hearing aid, false teeth,(have had a mastectomy) so I better make sure my boobs are on right, glasses, bi-focals, cell phone in case I need help somewhere with all the defects in my mind & body!!!!! Oh yes, and now most of all,I must remember to carry the notes of encouragement with me.

My biggest worry,stress,anxiety & fear right now is I will be going back to work on Tues. My head is still fuzzy, I still have to worry about ibs, my ears ring, my fingers hurt and ach, my feet hurt, my back hurts, my neck (&head sometimes)hurts, and typing this all out has been stressful on my mind and emotions because I forget the right words to use, and my fingers wont type correctly, many mistakes!! AND! My daughter is going for surgery next week, because of a lump in her breast area, they say not in the breast but on the rib cage, big and deep. She's had the lump and known about it for several yrs but was afraid to go for surgery, now it cannot be put off. My anchor in the Lord Jesus and God our Father is slipping badly. I can no longer hold on, help fix things, believe and say everything will be ok.

I was on medical leave but that is over now,and I just do not feel I am ready to go back to my work, take care of others in a timely manner, and conquer the world. I can't even yet conquer the enemies of my own world, my mind, my body and my soul. How did I (we) get this bad? Irritable bowel syndrome? Irritable body syndrome.

Hi ffanci,
I feel so bad for you after reading your message
I wish that I could give you a hug and tell you that everything is going to be all right for you and for everyone else It will be you know, you just have to hang in there and have faith...don't blame this on God, He wants only good for you and your family.
I was wondering about something though...you mentioned that you have pain, anxiety, IBS and you said that you were able to hold your urine when you were young so I'am assuming that you have difficulty doing that now....have you ever been checked for Fibromyalgia? I was diagnosed with it almost ten years ago and it is a terrible thing to live with but it can be managed. Please check with your doctor..sometimes just knowing what is wrong really helps
Take care,
Jodi

Ffanci, oh my God, I can't stop crying..as I read your post it was as if u were writing everything that I am feeling and I just know how bad u feel. But we can't lose hope. His promises are REAL and I wwon't let go of that. I WON'T and u CAN"T. He really does love us and we don't know why He is allowing this in our lives but I believe there is a purpose, so pleeeeaaase, please, don't give up on your self or Our Heavenly Fathers promises.
This life is but a vapor... Hang in there ok?
Read Jer 29:11, over and over..
I'll chat at u soon,
Kathy

Thank-u Sunflower I needed the hug when I posted that message, and thanks to 'by his grace' for your reply also. Sorry for being late with this reply. I had to go out of town.

Anxiety! Anxiety! Anger & Fear! That was a bad week for me. I guess I just had to get all that out. I'm ok this week. I almost cried too. lol! But my ability to cry has been stifled for sometime now, perhaps from the antidepessants? I spent a lot of time crying buckets these past few years, I just cant cry anymore without getting out of breath, like my head feels like it will explode! Stuffed sinus I guess.

My med leave is extended, thank-God, for a few weeks. I havent gotten too far in this program, but my Psych. said he will work with me in the program. Accountability. But I'm still on week 1. It takes me awhile to get into anything, start then stop; lose my focus; forget everything; get interrupted etc. then start over again.

In regards to fibromyalgia I've heard on tv and read alot about that and asked my doctor about it a few yrs ago,but he wasn't taking any of my s & s
seriously. He gave me the feeling (alot)that I was just being a hypochondria, and I thought I was too. I am on Ibuprofen for arthritis maybe that helps. Perhaps I should go back and look into the possiblity of having fibromyalgia and what to do about it. I've forgotten.

Looking forward to share here with you all. I'm trying hard not to be afraid and paranoid.
Take care and God Bless You.
ff

Dear ff,
I am glad you are having a better week. How is your daughter doing? I hope all went well or will go well with her surgery. I recently read a book by James Dobson titled 'When God Doesn't Make Sense'. You may find it helpful. I know I did. It did help to reinforce my faith. I just wish I had wrote down all the scriptures in the book he used before I took it back to the library. I guess I will have to go check it out again. Just plug along with the program. Many of us have gone thru it twice and even three times before we felt we grasped it. Not that its hard to understand, but that there is tons of information and things to learn that is so useful I didnt want to miss anything. Especially when anxiety is high the memory is not too good. You can do it. I know it can get pretty hard making yourself do things but this is worth it.
Reena

ffanci,

My girlfriend and I read what you are going through. She has irritable bowel syndrome and can relate. We will both pray for you. To strengthen you, protect you, and draw you closer to Him. I'm not sure why God allows affliction. But His promises are real. Sometimes he allows things to happen to us so that His glory can be revealed in us. We share in Christ's sufferings and thus we will share in his glory when He returns. You are a gentle soul and will be okay. Jesus came to set the captives free. It is for freedom that Christ set us free. Hang in there, and God Bless.

Nick

Hello GoBucks
Thank-you for your kind thoughts, words & prayers. I felt the warmth of your blessing & prayer go through me as I read your message. I spilled my guts out that week! I feel kind of embarrassed now but it was also good to tell how I really feel. I know now, since I got this program that there are many who experience these depressive and negative thoughts also.
God Bless you too.
ff

Hello Reena
My daughter is doing fine now. It was difficult recovery for her the first week, but the good news is that there wasnt anything serious in regards to the lump. Thank-you God! I did get to spend a few days with her and my grandchildren. I am back to work now. I'm doing better. I still have some negative thoughts about work (changes)but I am working on it. "....courage to change the things that I can change, the serenity to accept those I cannot change and the wisdom to know the difference...."
God Bless
ff