Hey, This is my first time posting. I was diagnosed with OCD when I was 17 and am now 28. I work full-time and am able to hide my OCD from most people, although those closest to me know about it. I have a paralyzing fear of hurting others -- the worst fears involve my fear of hurting my boyfriend who I love so dearly and children. Seeing knives in my home is terrifying. My fear of hurting kids is so overpowering I've resigned myself to never having kids and I avoid being alone with kids in my family if at all possible. I don't drive for fear of hurting someone. I fear I'm some sort of monster. Recently I walked into a store and bought flowers. But somehow that night I became convinced I had robbed the store and had to go in the next day to be sure I hadn't. Then every subsequent store I entered that day I feared I would rob -- I bit my lip to make sure I wouldn't say anything criminal. Has anyone else experienced this? If so, what types of treatments have been helpful? I've been on meds for years but it doesn't stop the thoughts. Thank you so much, Liz

Hi Liz, I think the fears you experience are more common than you think. I believe the very fact you are aware of your fears will actually keep you from ever doing them. For instance your fear of hurting children. The very fact you are aware and take precautions shows you would never do such a thing. I hope this has helped in some small way, Bruce

Hello Liz,

Stagerlee is right, the fears you described are quite common. I thought you might like to check one of the many threads on this site about this very thing. The thing that has helped me the most is learning about the disorder. The post at the link I've provided has several links to sites that were helpful to me.

http://bbs.stresscenter.com/eve/forums/a/tpc/f/372105472/m/9411070563

Liz-

You are not ALONE! I have the same types of thoughts, I have a fear of hurting myself and others. I too, am afraid of knives and other sharp objects in Fear that i will hurt someone/myself.....Hewre is what i am doing with these thoughts now. I try and put a twist of humor in it...When the thought starts to come in, I thinkk, hmmm.........WHAT IF i stabbed them with a bananna...lol....sounds stupid i know, but you know you can't hurt someone with a piece of fruit..lol...a bananna is squishy, its NOT possible to hurt them with that. I know these thoughts frighten you, as they do me, and I am not a pro at this, but the fact that you actually FEAR the thought, proves that it is an obsessional thought that you WILL NOT act on. People who act on theses thoughts don't fear them they become excited with the thought. So you can KNOW that these thought scare the beegebeers out of you but you can also know that they are not the TRUTH. Thoughts are just thoughts they can NOT and will NOT hurt you. Thoughts are not your actions. I know it seems easier said than done! Yikes I get scared too, I am trying to put humor in some of the thoughts. I actually am doing a little exposure therapy with myself. Something I fear, I will walk into-Yes does it cause more anxiety, ABSOLUTELY...the FEAR is WORTH walking into though. PM me anytime if you would like.

I hope I was some help to you!

Patricia

What's really interesting is Lucinda had this EXACT same obsession. She couldn't be around knives, thinking she would spontaneously grab one and start stabbing her family. She recovered, therefore, you can too. I've found in my own experiences (controversial topic), that meds help very little with anxiety disorder. If anything, they seem to exacerbate the problem. The only way out I've ever heard is the attacking anxiety program or similar programs that utilize the same cognitive behavioral procedures.

Hi ya Liz!

I am truly sorry have been going through these OCD thoughts for over 10 years.

My friend went through the same thing with his wife and himself. That was over 6 years ago and they are both fine. The fact that the thoughts bother you is a sign this is pure-o OCD.

I offer a link to a thread on scary thoughts. I mentions my friend and others with the same concern. It also has great input from others (like you have received here.) I hope this helps.

http://bbs.stresscenter.com/eve/forums/a/tpc/f/372105472/m/4691056423

Hey Liz,
Every once in awhile I will have these kinds of thoughts. I especially have one about guns. I'm afraid of hurting myself or others with them. I don't even own one! I use a lot of positive affirmations. Such as "I am a responsible person, I am a loving person, etc." The ones that really work for me are ones that move me to tears. I just keep saying them over and over. Hang in there!

I have struggled with anxiety and panic at an extreme level 5 years ago. However I thought I had it under control until a few weeks ago. I have been battling racing thoughts about hurting/killing myself and they came from nowhere. This has made me very anxious/panic and even depressed. I know that I would never do this however, due to the fact that these thoughts are taking over my head at the time it feels so real and true. I had this crazy thought randomly that I would committ suicide (every time I spell the word it makes me natious) the day before my wedding. This was just a random thought that I has consumed my life for the past week. I can't get rid of it and it scares me. I try to kick it and get excited about the wedding or my life but every time I do it brings me back to this awful thought! This makes me very depressed! I was never like this. Every time I think I am feeling well my brain tells me that I am just getting comfortable with those thoughts which scares me. Why would I think this or obsess about something I know I wouldn't do . HAS ANYONE GONE THROUGH THIS!

I can relate. Over 30 years ago when I had my children I was afraid I would hurt them. After many years of worry I was started on Paxil and Straterra. I have OCD, ADHD, Bipolar disorder, and anxiety disorder and take meds for all of them.

I am so glad I found this, I thought I was alone. Ever since I had my daughter I have been afraid of hurting her. I love her more than life itself and I think that since my mother was abused so much, I think that it is a part of my blood to be violent. Even though I have never acted on violent impulse I am so fearful of my genes. I promised myself that if I ever felt like I was going to hurt my daughter I would get help. I know when the fearful thoughts come over, it's just a fear, but I feel so guilty for even having the thought and the fear that I think there must be something very wrong with me. I am so scared that I am going to wake up one day and be completely out of it and do something to hurt my daughter. I fear that I will turn into a monster! I even fear hurting my husband soemtimes, but it's more pronounced with my daughter. I never knew others felt this same way, because I have always been to afraid to talk about it. I alreadyt feel so much better just writing these words. I intellectually know that I would never hurt my daughter, but that fear takes over and seizes me and confuses me and makes me feel so alone, like I am the only person on Earth ever to fear what I fear and I feel trapped. I don't know, thank you.

Oh you are definetly not alone on that one. It is actually a very common fear with OCD. My therapist had said that no one has EVER acted out an OCD thought. That is all they are is thoughts. Take a little comfort in that.

Hi,
Im so glad to have read these posts. I have also been having fears/thoughts of hurting myself or my fiance or other people. I am normally a every sociable person, very loving. I was in an abusive relationship that i just got out of couple months ago and now engaged to someone else. Last november, it all of a sudden hit me...nightmares, severe anxiety, insomnia, depression...suicidal thoughts. And then came the fear of what if i loose my mind and hurt someone...what if i hurt my fiance that i love so much. Just the sight of a knife in my kitchen would make me panick. I literally asked my fiance to put any sharp object out of our appartment, stoped cooking...stoped functioning. This is so unlike me, i feel like i am a totally diffrent person and it is so agonizing. I try to make it through another day but the racing thoughts and the irrational fears overwhelm me and i cannot seem to shake them off. Is this the PSTD? is this anxiety? is this OCD? what exactly makes you have fears of hurting people when it is so unlike you to do so? Any medication that brought sucess to any of you? i would like to know, im very desperate and can bare keep my head above the water.

Liz -

These scary obsessive thoughts are very common. I also had a fear of hurting others.
My obsessive scary thought came around the time 911 happened and Andrea Yates had drowned her 5 children and I saw it on the news.

I too feared knives or anything sharp for that matter. I had vivid thoughts of what "might" happen should I lose it.

What I learned is that all these fears are based on one major fear and that is the fear of losing control. Not being able to control what "might" happen is scary and so therefore extreme avoidance is the end result.

I read things about suicide and then I adopted the fears about myself.... 'what if I hurt myself'? I walked around holding my wrists to my chest because I had terrible visualizations.

I remember doing the MWC relaxation cd while laying in bed at night and having such scary thoughts going through my mind. They were all floating around. You really feel like you are on the edge of insanity.

Whatever you do - listen to the skills listed in the MWC program!! THEY WORK!!

DO the visualization exercises! DO the relaxation exercises and master that cd that talks about obsessive scary thoughts!

It really is about turning the obsession into a healthy obsession of thinking what is true.

It takes alot of hard work and determination but you can do it.

Trust me when I say that you won't always be going throught this! To me, this was the very worst part of my anxiety disorder. It was tormenting!

But I don't suffer with this anymore because of the skills in this program, the books that i read and the constant reinforcing I did through telling myself the truth.

Hang in there Liz! Do the work and do it one day at a time!

Hi everyone. Man I am glad to have found this site. I have been dealing with fear of hurting others since I was a kid. I have had other irrational fears also but all had the common theme of being very scary and me not being able to control myself. Fear of hurting others became so strong that I actually left college the first semester I was away. I enrolled in a school closer to home and managed to graduate and go to grad school. I was fine for years(with a minor hiccup after 9-11 I am from New York and thought that it would be possible for me to fly an airplane into buildings) but recently had an attack. This time it was fear of hurting children. I know I would never, I work with children and have been doing so for the last five years without any fears. I am quite successful and love my job (when I'm not having OCD moments!!!!!) Its my livelihood so stopping work isn't an option. It has gotten so bad these last few weeks, I have suicidal thoughts just to help get rid of the anxiety. Its especially bad at night. I have resigned myself to taking Tylenol PM, so I can sleep at night. I have noticed that my attacks have coincided with major changes and transitions in my life. Because of that I made sure to see a therapist if I know there will be a major life change. This summer, however, there were major life changes. I had been doing so well, that I thought it was over. Even my therapist was impressed with how I was less anxious. Guess not, but I know that I will be fine. These posts have helped me very much. I thought I was very much alone and I was even afraid to address some of the issues with my therapist for fear I was crazy or that I would require hospitalization. I have more peace writing right now than I've had in two weeks. I know with work and faith that I will be fine and back to enjoying the life I was only a month ago. Thank you, thank you, thank you!

Hi everyone,
I did have thoughts about hurting my son when he was young now he is 31. I started having some problems with anxiety again and have been afraid I would have these same kinds of thoughts about my granddaughter. I hate the time this steals from us and our loved ones. The best thing to do is not to stop doing anything do it even if you have the thoughts and talk yourself through them. It will get better.