I haven't posted in a while and this is first for me to post under the OCD section. I have been so afraid of what's been going on in my mind for so long (2 1/2 years). I am now trying to accept OCD and learn to live with. I have beeen seeing a great Psychiatrist and counselor for about 2 years and am well aware that I have a lot of anxiety to say it mildly. I am taking Prozac and Xanax and just go back and forth with bizarre thoughts and images. I guess I have posted today just to be assured that I can continue to have these things go on in my mind and not go nuts,or lose the desire to continue on this way. I have my hardest time at night. I find myself watching Nickelodean off and on all night and when I wake up I feel very disoriented and afraid a panic attack will come and the vicious cycle of profanity, scary images and completely feeling like I am going to have to be drugged out of my mind to get it to stop, at which point I grabb 1/2 Xanax (doesn't take much for me) and try to make the craziness stop! I know at this point I sound desperate and believe me, I am!! Then it's time to wake up and face my 3 children and husband and act like they don't have a crazy mom. Boy it gets tough. I'm sorry I am having a pity party, it's just that I can't tell my family exactly how bizarre my mind can get (wouldn't dare tell my children, it would scar them for life). Sorry to ramble on, I just feel better simply from typing this. I hope I haven't upset any one by posting this. I know how suggestible I can be!!

Thanks for reading this!

Hope40

I don't have OCD myself, but Doyle may have some words of wisdom for you. All I can tell you is that I really believe that you can function with OCD just as well as anybody. It's all a matter of keeping control of your thoughts and working on not obsessing over the thoughts that scare you. I do get scary thoughts fairly often,but since I have stopped freaking out over them and started telling myself, "So what? I thought something bad. Big deal. I am me, not my thoughts!" it has helped a great deal. Just try to separate who you are from what you think about. Those thoughts only last a minute if you don't make a big deal out of them and end up carrying them around with you all day long. I hope I have encouraged you at least a little. Hang in there, you'll make it thru this, we all will.

Hi Hope,

OCD is a nusiance. It's painful. It's scary. It's not the truth about who we are. Have you read the book by Lee Baer, MD, The Imp of the Mind. He has some great insights and exercises to follow or that you can ask your therapist to work with you on. Really supportive and good. You don't need to suffer anymore.

You are not alone and,yes, you can recover. I wish I understood OCD better about 26 years ago. Very little material was offered in those days. I had to ride it out with the support of a wonderful therapist. Today, there is so much help.

You'll make it. Be patient and love yourself every step of the way. Talk soothing to yourself. Nuture yourself. Work the program. Read the books that will help to move you forward. Understand the best that you can. Take an active involvment in your healing.

Blessings,
Bon

hope40,

Hey hon , I don't have much time to post as i have cookies baking in the oven , but I just thought i'd give you a link to a reply i put up yesterday about OCD/scary thoughts/images. I think it could be of some help. My OCD reply I'm sorry i don't have more time right now, but if you have any questions, please feel free to email me, i'd be more than happy to try to help you out in any way i can . Take good care!

Doyle

Hi
You are not having a pity party, believe me, I dealt with ocd for 6 years, hardly slept, lost jobs, etc. It is not something to hide from anyone. If it helps to write then you should, but not sleeping is making it worse. If you can, talk to someone you really trust.
Prozac made it much worse for me, maybe the counselors here can give you advice on meds or see another doc. It might be the medication you are on ;it might not; I don't know. I'm not a doctor, but I tried everything till I found something that made it stop.
I'm just telling you from personal experience.
There is hope, hiding it will not help though and I know you want what's best for your family because you love them, and want to protect and take care of them, that's what I saw in your writing.
Also keep with the tapes, they are really helping me, and I was a really bad off.
Take care and God Bless You and Yours

quote:

When you come to the edge of all the light you know,
and are about to step off into the darkness of the unknown,
faith is knowing one of two things will happen:
There will be something solid to stand on,
or you will be taught how to fly.
Barbara J. Winter