My OCD has kicked in big time over the past few weeks. I have finally managed not to be scared of these thoughts anymore and I go on with my days,but they are still there and it's really drained me. I'm pretty confused right now as to how else to deal with these thoughts to make them completely go away. Since I'm not scared of them, does that mean I've conquered the fear? If I have why are they still there?!? (ex.) I was at work and I obsessed that I was going to have an affair with my boss and he's married. Now every time I see him I get sick to my stomach. Now how can that be if I'm not affraid?!? I'm trying to see what's really bothering me but I can't figure it out! I tell myself this is just my OCD but is it really? Can any of you relate?
Angelkeys

To Angel Keys,

Oh God, how I can relate!!!!!!!!!!!!

I have dealt with sexual obsessions before over people I would never have any sexual interest in. It's a common symptom of OCD. I once reached a point in the program where I got so drained by my OCD I just couldn't stand it. I ended up taking medication and I also hooked up with a great psychiatrist who is registered with the Anxiety Disorder Foundation and the OCD foundation (Lucinda I believe is registered with Anxiety Disorder Foundation). He told me to just treat the OCD as the illness that it is, just an illness. Every so often those sexual thoughts creep up on me and I have told my psychiatrist about them, sometimes explaining them right while I'm having them. He just tells me it's nothing to worry about. And, in the end, he's right, and so is Lucinda. They really are harmless ideas. I know they suck. I know how uncomfortable they can make you feel. If you feel very overcome with your OCD, maybe you could try a medication, or perhaps you could call the support line, it's great reassurance when an obsessive episode comes about. In the end, OCD is just mental static. I've had it for three years now. Stick to the program faithfully, and good luck.

angelkeys-
though your thoughts do not "scare" you anymore, it is very obvious that they still trouble you. whether such thoughts scare, trouble, frustrate, upset, cause you guilt, and so on- doesn't really make a difference. all those things will keep those thoughts sticking around. it's when you can have them and they don't "drain" you or affect you in any way. easier said than done, i know. i too suffer from ocd thoughts and mine are quite "scary". however, i'm slowly learning not to be scared of them. i still am affected by them though because i often feel guilty for having them and they often frustrate me.
one thing you need to realize and accept is that you can never make these or any thoughts completely go away. we can't control each and every thought. infact, because you're trying to figure out how to stop your unwanted thoughts all together, is why you can't. it's not possible. for your unwanted thoughts to "go away", you will need to learn to not pay attention or "attach" to them, so that even if they come, you don't even notice. to overcome our ocd, we have to educate ourselves on the proper skills and techniques to do this, and practice it every day until we get it "right". this will take time and patience, but you can do it. we all can.
it's not about stopping the thoughts from coming to your mind at all. it's about not being phased by them at all. focus on learning to let your thoughts come and go without wondering why they're still coming even though you're no longer "scared" by them. in every book out there on this subject and in the midwest program, they all say that in order to overcome our scary and/or unwanted thoughts, we must ACCEPT them ("it's ok to have any thought"), not fight them. we must let them "float" through and pass. and no matter how they make us feel (scared, frustrated, weary, etc..), we must not entertain or give those unwanted thoughts any power. just like me, you are still giving your thoughts power. look how they're troubling you. they still affect you, just as i still allow mine to affect me.

i'm not trying to lecture you in any way here. i'm just trying to make you aware of how you are still very affected by your unwanted thoughts, which is why they're still bothering you and popping up in your mind so frequently. don't beat yourself up or get mad over this though. ocd is a disorder and it takes a lot of inner strength to overcome it. those of us with it have our good days and our bad ones. we make a lot of progress and sometimes we have setbacks. i'm right there with how you're feeling about your thoughts. i feel the same way about mine. yet i can see that's exactly why my unwanted thoughts won't go away. i understand that i musn't give my thoughts any power at all. i just haven't been able to do that yet. i still "obsess" over them from time to time. slowly, but surely i am practicing and learning. i will be able to do it one day and i will be healed of my obsessive thoughts. you will too.

take care,
lyn

Modernboy,
Thanks for your help! What kind of meds did you or are you taking for your OCD? I've taken meds for depression before and didn't like the effects at all. I felt spacy and fatigue, but I guess it won't hurt to try. I just like to be in control of everything that I do, and maybe thats what triggering these crazy thoughts.
thanx,
Angelkeys

ProudMama,
Thanks for your support! I know I'm holding on to frustration and guilt about things in my life, I just hate the fact that these uncomfortable obessive scary thoughts about unrealistic things have to pop into my head instead of what's really bothering me. If it's not one thing it's another. First I suffered from deppression, but since the program I rarely ever feel depressed. Then I had panic attacks,(which I think started my OCD). Just over the past year I've really had a problem with these thoughts creeping up on me and its hit hard. These OCD episodes usually last about a week and then its gone, but lately I've been having them week after week.

I know I love my family and want to live a healthy life, but I feel I have to punish myself for even thinking of such horrible thoughts.
I will continue to practice no matter how long this will take because I am strong!
Thanks!
Angelkeys

Dearest Angelkeys
It's called Luvox. It's a selective serotonin re-uptake inhibitor, or in other words, it's in the same family as Prozac, Paxil, Zoloft, etc. It's mainly used to treat OCD. I still do take it. Ya know what, I started on Paxil along time ago and the side effects were so bad it scared me to ever take medication again. However, when I reached that low point I just decided to have faith, trust my doctor, and just do it. He prescribed me Luvox and the only side effect I had was sleeping a lot, which didn't bother me at all becuz I went from sleeping three hours a night to sleeping for a full eight hours. I'm not advocating meds, or trying to convince you to take them, becuz what works for one doesn't work for all, I'm just telling you what I experienced becuz I know what it's like to hit that point where the OC symptoms feel like they are constantly with you. I wish you the best of luck, and remember--it's only mental static.

I've read your posts and some of you mentioned drugs, I've been on so many drugs I can hardly count them, but none of them have ever helped me with my obsessive thoughts. There are still a lot of drugs and classes of drugs left to try, but how much of a relief from these "voices" can I realisticaly expect from medicine?

THIS NOTE IS FOR LYN ... and everyone else of course,

I was reading your note on the message board about OCD and giving advice to Angelkeys. I really admired what you wrote and I was wondering where you find your strength. Do you take meds?

I am asking you this because I have been suffering with the same symptoms for 3 years now and I have purchased the program, am no longer afraid of the thoughts, but feel depressed that I am going through this and can't seem to shake the feeling of isolation.

I am now 7 months pregnant (with my second child - first one is 16 months old) and I am not taking any meds. I am seriously thinking about taking some when I am finished breastfeeding.

This brings be back to my original question: how do you do it?

Simone