Hi, I am new here. Little bout myself... I have been a suffer of OCD, GAD, and Panic attack since as long as I can remember. Since age 3. Of course, back then I had no idea what this "thing" was, nor did anyone else! It was not until age 15 did anyone come up with a diagnosis, even then I guess not alot was known about it and I went through "hellish" meds, visits to hospitals, and worst of all suggestions that something was wrong with me more serious. These suggestions, I knew in my heart of hearts were not the problem! Now, in my early 30's I still struggle. I go through periods where I feel quite fine, not alot of intrusive thoughts, terrible anxiety feelings, or panic attacks. It seems I go through phases. Needless to say, one day about 2 weeks ago... "it" hit me, and off and running with OCD, anxiety, and panic attacks I go. It's like when the symptoms decide to rear their ugly heads they just pop up and hit me like a slap in the face! When they are there they are there, and when they are not they are not. I guess its almost like I go through a remission or something. Very confusing to me to say the least. I can go two years straight or even more with little to no symptoms. Can anyone relate to this? Also, I don't struggle much at all with the compulsion side of OCD. I used to when I was very young. It seems in my adult life it afflicts me with the Obsession side... the rumination and intrusive thoughts. I get alot the "What if" types of intrusive thoughts, and for some reason they all relate to those I hold dear to me, or matters of my own personal identity. Some examples of my thoughts... "What if my kids aren't really my kids?" "What if I don't really love my husband?" What if this life of mine is all just a dream?" All the thoughts are geared toward stripping me of what makes me happy and gives me my identity. Now, of course I realize that the thoughts hold no validity in my intellectual mind... however, If this is so, why do I even get thoughts like this, and why do they upset me so when I know they clearly are not true? Are these types of "What if" intrusive thoughts considered typical OCD thoughts?, and can anyone relate to what I am describing here? Sometimes I feel so rediculous and alone with this, even though I clearly know I am not. I appreciate any words anyone can offer me to help me out.
Thanks so much!