Congratulations Tollymom. understanding that this learned worry, is handed down generationaly, Is a good start to realizing that if negative thinking is a learned behaivor, then positive thinking can be learned too, and taught to your children. This program, is so worderfull, filled with the tooles to do just that.

4202; I have tried to kill my self! I certainly understand how negative thinking can push you in to the grave. Lucinda says to Say Out Loud "STOP" that helps me. just say stop, affter all they are just thoughts, when I was on this lesson, I would write down what I was thinking skipping a line. Then I would go back and rewrite it positively. and change my tnking.

I won't be able to take this anxiety anymore and will kill myself

I can take this anxiety just as long as it takes to get over it. I am learning how to do just that now in the corse, and then I will no longer have anxiety, I won't have it all my life.

what if I hurt my son and that thought just makes me sick,

I would never hurt my son, I love him, my love will never let me hurt him. Bad thoughts make me sick, so I will stop spending my time haveing bad thoughts, from now on, I will say STOP, and start singing, or humming, a new song, and do a new thing, and think on how much I love my son. That is how I will spend my time thinking about my love for my son, and learning to love myself. with this course.

cfe-did you actually want to die or you just thought you did?

I had thought about it for 2 months, pland it and was in the act of doing it.
That questions tells me you haven't went that far, because you don't understand that it is thinking about it and thinking about it (what ever IT is) that brings you to do it. So if you think about positive things your thinking about them will bring you to them. but thinking about negative things will bring you to that to.

cfe-see that scares me that you say that b/c I will see an item rop, cord, gun or knife and think "all I have to do it walk to it and take it" but I am sooooooo scared that I will act-I do not want to act though is the difference-just reading what you said about thinking it over and over and then you will gravitate towards it sent chills down my spine. I am scared now.

GE, don't be scared. Lucinda's program and the obsessive literature et al all say that if you are frightened by your thoughts then they are just thoughts. If you are comforted by them - like you want to die and think it would be a good thing - then that is when you have to worry. It doesn't sound to me like you WANT to do it, you are AFRAID you will do it. I've had the same thoughts as you and I have told my psychologist, my psychaitrist (however you spell it), and my regular doctor - and they all say that this is anxiety and it is just catastrophic thinking - fearing the worst - which would be if you did yourself or someone you loved in. It's basically a control issue - you fear not being in control. Don't let one person's opinion's scare you like that or you will set yourself back even further. I think (hope) what CFE is trying to say is if you have a negative outlook, it will produce negativity, and if you have a positive outlook then it will benefit you. I don't in any way belive that if you have these thoughts that means you will act on them - remember I said the Pure O literature I read said that people who fear harming themselves or others are actually LESS likely to do so. Someone who is so depressed that they think that ending it all is the answer is not in the same category as those of us who have scary thoughts as a part of our anxiety. Just keep doing the program and talking with your therapist or whatever it is that is helping you cope. And know that there are people out there just like you who deal with this and even though we have active imaginations, that doesn't mean we really want to end it all or else we wouldn't be frigetened (sp!) by it.

Dear GE
If that is what you are doing, you should seek professional help, localy, not on the net. Don't allow your thoughts to talk you in to it. This program will give you the tools to take control of your thoughts, but if you are thinking suicide will work, as Tollymom saied, then you do need intervention. I went to my Doctor, to protect me from myself, There is no shame in getting help. You could even call the program and ask them to recomend someone in your aria if you don't have an Doctor you trust. I live in a very small town, and I had known my MD my intire life.

I felt like some one else was inside of me trying to kill me. and it nearly happend. I hesitate to go into it very far, because we are not face to face, and I can't read in your face wear you are in this. Don't be foolish get help, face to face help. I took Valum for months to pull out of it. Total exhostion, from my son's malidy had pushed me to the brink, if you are on the brink, changing your thinking will not be enough, you need a cruch/brace, you need a drug to give you time to rest, and get passed this thing that is pushing you. If you broke a leg, you wouldn't just say it will heal I can just limp along with the pain untill it does. you would go to the hospital, and get it set, and cast it so it can have the time to heal while you take the pain pills, and get stronger. So it you are thinking the world will be better off without you in it, GO for help.

cfe-I DON'T WANT TO DO THAT THOUGH-THATS THE DIFFERENCE
Tollymom-thank you so much you made me feel better-

cfe-I am not depressed and I do not think that killing or whatever is going to take it all away so when you say "seek professional help" that even sends chills down my spine= I know you mean well but mine is truely anxiety nothing else-I am not suicidal-I am just afraid of it.

Sounds just like POST NATAL ILLNESS:

This can last for years after the birth after your children. Progesterone therapy is good for this.

Please look into this ..

Ambrosine- I don't have kids.