Hi all

I have OCD for year and a half.I was hospitalized a year back because my condition was bad. I have violent intrusive thoughts like punching people, stabing someone, hurting myself... After the hospitalization my condition got alot better. And half year later I was almost completley healthy. But then my condition got worse again. And I was hospitalized again and now I am in a CBT programe.I have violent thoughts again that really scare me. I am afraid that I will loose control or get some other mental illnes that would lead to acting these thoughts. I am a bit better now after three months in mental hospital, but I am afraid that i will never be healthy and happy again. On the other hand I've beat this once before and I can hopefully beat it again.What do you think ? Can I be happy again.And I would apreciate some tips and help.

Tnx for replys

I believe you can! Like you said, you did it before. I have OCD of a different kind and it comes back from time to time and then I start working on it again. Have you gone through the program- Attacking Anxiety and Depression? Can the place where you staying get it? or study up on it? It's important because I've read so many books and talked to numerous doctors and so far, it is the only thing that has helped me with all my issues. If you can, try to read some books like Battlefield Of The Mind by Joyce Meyer, I just picked it up and there have been a lot of great reviews around here for it. Also The Quiet Mind, not sure of the author but have heard that it's good and I'm getting it. If you would like to try self help, read What To Say When You Talk To Yourself by Shad Helmstetter- it's good. Your brain only can believe what you tell it! It might take some time and practice to get the old thoughts out and the new good thoughts in, but it can seriously happen! Wishing the best for you-
Oh Yeah, when the thoughts start rolling in, try using positive self talk to keep your mind busy.................Like, Okay, I know what this is and I'm not going to let it scare me. I'm taking charge of my thought process and am turning it around to something more positive. It may take a little time, and the thoughts may be able to sneak in once in a while and that's okay because just by me realizing what's happening and putting up the STOP sign is an accomplishment! Before I know it, it'll be second nature to me. I'm on the road to recovery!

Hi there Onix,
I completely understand how you are feeling. I agree that you should try this program. I've had obsessive, scary thoughts for years. I don't mean to discourage you by using the word, "years," but I do want to be honest here. I've had obsessive thoughts about everything: going crazy, dying, losing control, harming myself, harming others, embarassing myself, saying something horrible to someone, etc. You name it, I've obsessed about it. I even obsessed about not having OCD, but having some other illness or worse yet, that I was turning into a horrible person.

Think of it this way: you are a caring, sensitive, intelligent and loving person. Just like everyone else, you will have good days and bad days. When you're having a bad day, come to this website and we'll be here to help!

When the thoughts come, let them. Don't try to fight them or rationalize them away. Practice your calm breathing and think of something soothing that you can repeat over and over again in your mind. I say to myself, "this, too, shall pass." Also, read some of the books that have been recommended. I have another one: The Imp of the Mind, by Lee Baer, Ph.D.

Most important, don't lose hope! You will beat this!

Hi all and tnx for replys

Yes knowledge is power.I have already read Brain Lock and that was quite helpful.I am doing a bit better now but the fear still remains.I have thoughts that are totally irational and that scares me.I also have thoughts like this: what if I do something bed becausei am a bad person, what if i do something because I get better and I won't be afraid so much...Has anybody recovered to that point that he lived normal life again? And how did you do it? How long does it take to get alot better?

Onix, we have all had those thoughts too. That is what is so great about this web site and program. You are not alone...ever. Many people recover and are healthy. That doesn't mean we don't have the occasional scary thought. We are prone to those we just need to remember what it is and where it is coming from. We are sensitive caring people and can fall back sometimes. Just remember to get back up again and keep on with the positive self-talk.

Take care...you will get better! I know it.

Missletoes

Hi all

I have a question. One persone said to me that the cause of violent thoughts is supressed anger. But I don't agree with him, because I never had problems with my anger before these thoughts accoured. What do you think?

He also said that this intrussive thoughts can lead to very violent act and that scared me. I never want to hurt nobody and is the last thing that I would do. But I ask myself what if he's right and that scares me.

Now don't over anylyze this, I'm just using it as an example. You know the movie Me, Myself and Irene with Jim Carey in it? ANy way, the good guy Jim Carey just continally takes everyones crap and doesn't even realize that he's got all of this penned up emotion in him. Maybe the doc thinks that's the way you are? But if you know you'r not, then you know. I don't think you want to hurt anyone either and the difference between us and the people that do actually hurt people, they have no emotion or care if they hurt someone. So, don't let it scare you. Have you talked to your doctor and told him what you think about what he says to you? Not all doctors are right, and if you don't like this one, ask for a different one if you can. Tell this one that he's not helping you with your scarey thoughts or your thinking process. Does this person specialize in anxiety? Lucinda herself, went to many doctors and they made her feel worse for years. They put crap into her head, saying that she was mad at her Mother and all kinds of stuff like that when she really wasn't. I haven't had any good experiences with doctors for my anxiety because all they want to do is throw pills at me and go away. My therapist is a good listener but even she didn't give me much advice on how to over come this. The only help I'v gotten was from Lucinda's program, here, the Lord and myself. And my hubby had supported me too. Just be open and honest and a little more assertive about how you feel-Good Luck and God Bless

It wasn't my doctor that said this. It was some guy on some other forum. My doctor told me that I will newer loose controle. And I think he's right. But this statements were said by a man who knows nothing about OCD and doesnt thinks that he could hurt us sufferers with this negative comments. Tnx for your reply

onix, the person who said your thoughts can lead to violent acts must not have anxiety themselves. I have had bad thought for my entire life. I have never been hospitalized. But I do fear that I might some day. I am 26 years old and am getting tired of the way I feel also. I live in st.louis and we recently have had some minor earthquakes. People keep freaking me out by thinking that it possibly will get worse. I also have avoided going to the mall and doing fun things because I am afraid of "ruining everyone's fun" and embarassing myself. I have listened to the relaxation tapes twice this past week to help me sleep. It works! But I still have to work on my thoughts. We can all do this together. I am so glad I went on this website. I never knew this forum was on here. I feel better already.
I tried to go to the baseball game last night with my boyfriend and I only lasted one inning. My whole body felt like "pins and needles" I go completely numb after awhile and I can't sit still. I cried forever last night and didnt' sleep much. Today and work I feel tired, and have baggy eyes. all I can do is feel sorry about myself and wondering if the people who gave me tickets will be angry with me. Like I wasted their money.
In college I often felt like I would lose control and hurt myself even if I truly didn't want to. I have never hurt myself or anyone else. So I know it won't happen. It won't happen for you either I just know it! We just have to take it one day at a time. We are good people and we can't let our thoughts control us.
I think I have ocd also but in smaller ways. I check the door at night several time before I go to bed just to make sure it is locked. I also check my car door a million times to make sure it is locked. I feel I can't go anywhere without my boyfriend or my mom or someone I am familiar with that understands my anxiety and doesn't think I am "crazy".I just overwhelm my self so bad that I feel That I can't control myself sometimes. But I know that my family and god loves me and that I am a good person, and that you are a good person. We can do this!

Hi all

I really wan't to get better, but it all goes so slowly.I am afraid that it will never go away, and that I will never be normal again I am improving, but it is just happening so slow. How much time will I be like this? My anxiety is almost gone but my thoughts still remain.

No, obsessive scary thoughts are NOT from suppressed anger and you will NOT act on these thoughts. You were born predisposed to OCD (which includes obsessive scary thinking.) You are not a freak of nature. Obsessive thinking is quite common. For some reason we phobics are very subject to scary thoughts. It's just the nature of the beast. There is no other explanation and the sooner you accept that the better you will begin to feel.

Obsessive scary thinking can be cured. Keep away from people who do not support you. They don't know what they are talking about. Anytime you have a question ask people who know what they are talking about. Experienced people who have gone through this disorder. This particular forum is an excellent source of information that will help you along your path to healing.

The Midwest Center Program is a wonderful approach to healing. Also Freedom from Fear by Dr. Howard Liebgold. There is hope. Work these programs. Follow their exercises and you will heal.

I'd like to add that your cure is when you can still hear the thoughts but you are no longer afraid of them. They will become less and less because you are no longer emotionally attached to them. When you can dismiss them you will have found your peace. Healing is not the absence of these thoughts. If you still have these thoughts don't make an issue out of it. Practice allowing the thoughts to come and go - like you would watch a passing cloud. It doesn't matter one way or the other if those thoughts are there. Practice this. You will heal.

I have never been to this website, but I am crying as I read about everyone's experiences, which are a mirror image of the ones I'm having right now.

My friends would say that I am one of the nicest people they have ever met. I would go to the ends of the earth for my friends, my spouse, my family, even my pets.

But lately, I have been haunted by horrible, violent thoughts about harming myself or other people who I love. I had them one time before, when I was a teenager, and now they have returned - 20 years later.

I know they're from the extreme stress I'm under right now (long story...) but still they are absolutely horrifying and I can't seem to concentrate on anything else. In turn, they make the anxiety I'm already experiencing so, so much worse.

I will definitely look up the suggested books... thanks to all of you for those. But I feel so much better knowing there are other people out there who feel the same way. (Although I am very sorry that you are feeling that way!!)