Iv been feeling odd lately. I cant really describe it. Well, I'm not obsessively thinking about my breathing as usual yet I feel like Its taking a lot to not and I'm fighting with myself to not and I wish it wasn't this hard! I wish I could just relax but I feel like I really cant because than I would let my guard down with my obsessive thoughts and than they'd creep in. will this ever get easier? I just hate how this takes so much work and everything out of me to NOT obsessively think about my breathing. I just feel like any little thing can make me go a few steps back. I just feel like I am so vulnerable right now. like I am in a war with myself. . And I don't know who will win yet. If I stay strong and keep trying to not obsessively think (even though just trying not to makes me feel a little anxious and it's pretty hard. Like not obsessively thinking is not natural to me right now)will this get easier? Will it start to be more natural to me and not be so hard? I feel right now like it'll always be this hard to not think the way i used to and I'll always be battling with myself. Does anyone understand?

Hi Holly:
I wonder if yours is a case of just simply trying too hard. I read a lot of your posts and I have seen that you work really hard at controling you thoughts and symptoms. I understand.
It is hard.
But it occurs to me that you might find some relief by just letting go. There is a power greater than ourselves. And if you could just give up, and release the struggle. Just give all your fear and work to that higher power and just rest awhile.
We can never in a million years do it all ourselves anyway.
I admire you greatly.
A friend,
MaryJane

isn't thats what we are suppose to do stop fighting the thoughts the feelings etc.we are to float thru let them come and not be afraid of them.trying to stop them is what is keeping them alive you are keeping yourself on guard and that is keeping the anxiety alive.we can't stop it we have to change our thinking.we need to learn to not be afraid of them that is what the program is about.like cornflower said you need to give it a rest.it is alot easier said than done I know it takes a lot of work but we will get there I am having a hard time believing I am doing this to myself I thought it was all out of my control couldn't help it it was my chemistry I needed medicine to help an inbalance took medicine for 25 years still on it got some better not obsessing but have phobias that I can't overcome you have to face them learn to not be afraid of the fear this is the underlying problem I don't want to face them lets get real I don't want to live like this the rest of my life either any suggestings

Awwe, I know how hard this can be. I had so many different obsessive thoughts in my life, I can totally relate to the one you are having.

First of all, you are not going crazy and this is perfectly normal way to react. You are just being afraid of your fear at the moment. It's a bad habit that we get into for various reasons. If you look back in your life, you will find that you have been using these types of thoughts to protect yourself. It's ok though, you have found a place that knows all about this type of thinking and Lucinda's program not only takes you through dealing with them, but cures you from having them react within you the way they are. You are a loving, caring and sensitive individual. You have developed this habit of thinking over time and you can break the habit.

YOU will break the habit!

Zoe

Wow thank you for the amazing replies! Cornflower, I cried when I read your post. It's nice to hear from someone else that I am working hard. I really am trying. I am working at this. And you're right. I do just need to let go and feel the fear and try and not to let it get to me. Thank you SO much for you kind words, cornflower!! It meant a lot to me. forever young, you're right I need to just float with this. It is very hard because the breathing issues are so strong. Zoe, I will break it! I ahve to break it. I will not let myself live like this the rest of my life. It just seems so far away. Maybe one day It'll just hit me. . . or gradually I'll just get better. . Thank you all so much for the replies. They really made me feel better.

I can relate to the fighting the thoughts. . . today I felt I was "fighting back" a panic attack all morning. I mentioned it to hubby and he so smartly said. . ."well why don't you just go ahead and have that panic attack and get it over with?" I sort of laughed and then "ping!" off the need to fight it went.

I've used that technique before but I forget and I was so glad he reminded me.

So, sometimes why don't you just think "OK thoughts. . .have at it. . .do what you will. . . " It is definitely not any harder than fighting them, that's for sure.

You're getting there. Just the fact that you're still fighting and still positive proves that you're going to overcome this. It's rough some days, but just remember everyone has to struggle with something.

Yesterday, I had a horrible day and felt so panicky all day. I was so depressed about it. WHen I was out shopping I felt like I would jump right out of my skin. As others have related in their posts sometimes I try too hard to not have a panic attack that I can't live in the present and enjoy life. Today was much better and going to church helped. I didn't really want to go and forced myself to go. The title of the sermon was "Getting yourself out of the Pit". I thought wow that sermon is talking to me. I feel like I have been in a pit for so long that I almost have forgotten how to live with joy and peace. It is a everyday battle and I know I went several years without panic attacks and they started up again when my adult son was continually getting into trouble. I know they will subside soon. God doesn't want anyone of us to live this way. We must learn to live to be accepting of ourselves and be kind and gentle and not be so hard on ourselves. Hang in there and find something that gives you a passion in life. I'll be praying for you.
Elaine C

I have been having difficult time with scary obessive thinking for the last few days. I re-read lesson 10. I know I am doing this to myself and it really stinks.

I have been doing so well lately but I feel like I have taken a giant step backwards. I am trying to be kind and compassionate to myself but I don't feel it. I have been stay at home mom for the last 8 yrs. I have started to think about going back to work. Somehow this stressor has just about ignited every fear I have. I feel out of control.

I have been trying to work on the program, reading spiritual books etc. I feel like I am somehow failing. The negative, all or nothing/ catatrophising ? sp Thinking-can't make mistakes/can't forgive myself type of thinking. ) No matter what I do it just never seems good enough.(perfectionism starting-again, what would everyhting think,type thinking.

Even though I felt overwehlmed and wanted to avoid like the dickens, I thought you know what just spend 15 minutes updating your resume. Taking everything in babysteps. I am proud of myself for doing just that.

It's been a while since I've been stuck in this type of thinking. I know it will pass just need to be kind to myself and love myself no matter what. I think a good cry for 2 mintues might help also. Then its time to get up and keep moving forward.
Thanks for listening I actually feel better. Take care and God Bless.

You know this is a wonderful thread. There is so much to learn by the words of others. I always feel comforted by the words. How ironic is this. God gave us a book words to feel comforted by. I mean David was in the slimy pit for a long time and got out by giving it all over to God.

These posts reinforce to me that I need to be more spiritual in my thinking. I need to let these thoughts and feelings be given to God.

I have spent so many years inside myself that I find it difficult to give over the "control" to God. I know when I do, I begin to feel better.

Elain, you felt this way to when you went to church. There are some things we can't control and are better left to God. I just have to know this from the core of my being and I will begin to feel much better.

God Bless you all

Zoe

Hi Everyone,
In one of the posts above a sermon was mentioned which reminded me of a book I read. It was called In a Pit With a Lion on a Snowy Day. Good book, spiritual, get it and read it!
I mentioned this in another post as well, but Dr. Wayne Dyer has some great books out there as well. The Power of Intention is a great one, and I also just ordered Change Your Thoughts, Change your Life. Just some suggestions if any of you are interested.
I find that I have to remind myself to stay in the present moment, dont stress about the past,or future, what might happen or might not happen, what if this or what if that.... And why do we always what if bad stuff!, What if I win the lottery this week? What if I go to that dinner and HAVE A REALLY GOOD TIME!!! What if I actually allowed myself to have a good time! Its amazing how I could turn it around to be positive at any moment.

I went with my daughter on her Seventh Grade field trip to SeaWorld at the end of the year last year. My first reaction was to not go. But a couple of coworkers of mine also had kids that were going and they kept asking me why I wasnt going. Soooo, I said, Okay, I'll go, but I have to drive my own car. Not riding on the busses, What if I have a panic attack and need to leave???
So, I drove in my own car, got to the SeaWorld exit, and all of a sudden it started to hit me, what if this , what if that.... Finally I said to myself... HEY, what if you go and spend the day at SeaWorld with your daughter and have a REALLY good time??? What about that huh??, So still feeling uneasy, I parked my car, met up with the other chaperones and students, went in and got so caught up in all that was going on, I forgot I was feeling uneasy, had a great day, and made a wonderful memory with my daughter.

Sorry, didnt mean to ramble on, but Change the way you look at things and the things you look at will change!

Stay Positive
Stay Present
Banish ALL doubt

Take Care,
Barbara

What a lovely post Swan! Yes, why is it that we don't "what if" that good stuff? We should!! . . Well, I know why I don't. I am afraid if I think optimistically about a situation and it turns out bad than I was a fool. I didn't prepare myself for that situation by being pessimistic. I guess it's like, If I think the worst and the worst happens well at least I was preparing myself for it and it doesn't surprise me. But if I think the worst and than see that it wasn't as bad as I catastrophized it than I am relieved. But that is not a good way to live life. I just feel I always need my guard up. . and I always think the worst. I wish I didn't do that. I am just afraid of being all positive and than BAM something bad happens and I let my guard down. I guess my anxiety is like a guard to me. Maybe this is why it is so hard letting it go

I can relate, Holly. I feel that way at times too. I'm starting to realize though that it's better to let your guard down and have days, weeks, months. . . maybe even years with being free, then get hit "out of the blue" with anxiety, than to keep the anxiety going and ruin every one of those days.

I had let go of this awhile back and it was probably a month of feeling GREAT and then I got hit one night with it, and actually at the time I thought I had a stomach bug. It really ruined my day but I sure did enjoy those few weeks.

Now I need to get back to not thinking about it again. It was nice!

Hugs to each and every one of you for your awesome posts...it's an honor to be among so many bright, thoughtful and caring people...and to know that all who read these posts can RELATE! What a wonderful comfort...one that I REALLY needed today!
Mary Jane, a heartfelt thank you for your post...I KNOW you are right, we DO have a higher power (God and His son, Jesus Christ are mine)...I don't know why I feel such a need to direct them!! Ha!! They've always know what was right for me...I need to let this anxiety jibberish go!!
Funny side note...prior to getting this program, I 'googled' "what if thinking"...just to see, 'cause my mind kept bringing up, what if this and what if that...the "this & that" always being something awful rather than positive (I'm definately adding this to my thought processes), anyway...google's answer was that this is something that NEGATIVE thinkers do...I was really taken aback...until then, I hadn't really realized that negativity was behind those thoughts! Yep, yet another light bulb moment
Thanks again to everyone who participates on these posts...I gain such a sense of comfort and a wealth of knowledge, that's easing the journey for me and many others!
Here's to a terrific day!

Hey Everyone. I too have a big problem with obsessive thinking. I stopped the program halfway through in 2006 because I was feeling better. Recently though I have been getting anxiety a lot so I have to continue the program. My obsessive thoughts are mostly about getting sick/having an allergic reaction/suffering and "What if I get so depressed I can't go on?" I think about other things too but try not to, then I couldn't get anything done! It doesn't help that I work in a hospital either it just fuels my negative thoughts. I try to remove myself from it emotionally. Every incident I see here I put myself in their place and think of it happening to me.
I can't even try new foods for the fear of Anaphylactic Shock. I always see people and wish I could be normal like them and enjoy life more.
Like you Holly, I think about EVERYTHING I can that's BAD so I can be "prepared." I know it's so silly.
I'm 25 and I had thyroid cancer in 2004. My therapist says I have PTSD. That incident traumatized me so I am so obsessed with my health. And it's true. Any sick feeling or pain I have I freak. Then it snowballs. Like right now I am waiting for repeat lab results. Friday I meet with the doc. 2 months ago I had a scare that the cancer might be back. This might be causing my high anxiety and scary thoughts.
My mother passed away in January and that was very hard for me. I guess I have to deal with it now. She was there for me through my cancer and throughout my anxiety issues and treatment. I know it's natural to grieve but I wish I didn't have to deal with anxiety on top of it.
A lot of good things have happened since doing the program too. I got married in June 2007. My husband is great and takes care of me. We are in the process of looking to buy a house and it can be stressful thinking about the future.
A lot of things can be contributed to my obsessive thoughts. I know something's wrong when they come on and have to try hard to turn them off.
Sorry this was so long but I feel more relaxed. Thanks to everyone for sharing their thoughts. Good luck to you all!

This message has been edited. Last edited by: goddess sparkle,

Holly,
I too think that i am keeping my guard up with teh anxious way i am thinking adn obsessing - so taht i will be "prepared" adn not surprised if i am really sick. My positive side of my brain says that it is the constant anxious thoughts that is keeping my body symptoms around. My negative side says, "you are just getting sicker." So since the doctors and friends and all teh kind people here on the posts think the postive is true, let's just go with the majority vote - and trust, trust is a key thing here. You and I will be fine. Any thoughts?