Hi all.

I have a new obsession. Its about shooting birds when i was about 11years old. Now it hounts me in my mind. What if I am a bad person, what if I deserve to suffer and so on. I also have this violent thoughts, and it scares me to think, what if I am a bad person and I deserve to hurt myself and stuff like this. Its running throo my mind. I know that I would never want to act on my thoughts but it scares me to think like that. Can anyone relate? And I would appreciate some advice.

Tnx for replys

And today I wouldn't eaven kill a bug. I respect nature and its animals. But back then I was just a kid and kids try alot of things.

Dear Onix---
No, you are not a bad person- the very thought that these thoughts SCARE you means that you are a sensitive person who has a conscience! I know what you mean- I used to think the same things, like my anxiety and depression was God's way of punishing me for doing something horrible.. You must forgive yourself for shooting birds- as you did it when you were 11 years old and didn't really understand what you were actually doing.. After all, (Although I don't agree with it)- some people find shooting birds a sport, so it is socailly acceptable! I think that you will benefit greatly from session 10- "Obsessive & Scary Thoughts"-- it really helped me!!!

Yes I am not a bad person. I was just I child at the time, but the thought about it still bothers me alot. I just can't shake it of. What should I do? Can anyone relate to something similar?

Hi Onix,

My advice to you is to forgive yourself for anything and everything that you have done in your past because holding on to these thoughts will stop you from recovering.

No matter what we do we can never change the past because it has already happened. what we can do is forgive ourselves and move ahead with our lives in the present moment.

Birds die all of the time....just look at KFC !!! Give yourself a break and enjoy life.

Onix
You will gain control over your thoughts as you go through this program- .. Now for the time being, let me ask you a question. If a burglar broke into your house,threatening you. your personal belonging, your family, etc. what would you do?? Take action to protect yourself and your house right? Well, think of your mind like your house, & your scary thoughts like the burglar..It's YOUR MIND--- fight and kick them out- thet CANNOT enter your mind unless you allow them to! I know it's easier said than done, but practice this, and DEVALUE these thoughts.. I remember watching A Nightmare on Elm Street when I was in the third grade even though my ma told me no... It haunted me so much, I was terrified of Freddy Krueger, and he actually haunted me FOR YEARS!! I swear! Everything I saw, did reminded me of him! Now, I laugh at him.. But, if I think about him long enough- I will begin to get freaked out! I know it sounds silly huh?? But, try to remember- "YOU CONTROL YOUR THOUGHTS" Don't let them have power over you!! Be strong... Session 10 will help you!

Hi Tallboy and Vickixox

Tnx for your advice. I know I can beat this thing. It just takes time and patience. I am realy making alot of progress. It was realy bad a few months ago but now its getting better. My violent obsessions are getting smaller every day . I know that if we think about one thing that bothers us to much, then it just gets worse. So I will try to think less about my past an I will focus on the future.

I a had pretty bad depression three years ago and I had a lot of intrusive thoughts that scared me and made me feel guilty, ashamed and evil. I don't have those thoughts anymore-except when I'm in groups and am stressed. I distract myself from those thoughts by picturing a shoe and observing all the details on it. Amazingly enough, it works. I'm hoping I learn better ways to deal with it so I don't miss what's going on in the meetings though! You're not alone, Onyx

quote:

My advice to you is to forgive yourself for anything and everything that you have done in your past because holding on to these thoughts will stop you from recovering.

No matter what we do we can never change the past because it has already happened. what we can do is forgive ourselves and move ahead with our lives in the present moment.

Birds die all of the time....just look at KFC !!! Give yourself a break and enjoy life.

This can take some time to start to work, but what Tallboy has said is the antidote to guilt. It's a choice we choose to make toward ourselves, to forgive and let go of the past, toward ourselves and others.

Hi there, I too suffer from terrible guilt about the past, obsessional thoughts, OCD, depression and anxiety. I recently found a web site, "Ask the Psychologist" and was provided with some interesting information from a question I asked about my situation (which sounds similiar to yours).

"Depression is thought to be caused by low levels of the neurotransmitter Serotonin. Low Serotonin is also linked to obsessive-compulsive behavior. Depression also has a symptom of searching our memory background to find out worst experiences, then bringing those memories to the surface to torment us (birds in your case). To add to the situation, the brain works on Emotional Memory - the memory mechanism that memorizes both the details AND the feeling at the time of the traumatic experience (see article on Emotional Memory on www.drjoecarver.com ). I really found this article informative, although I'm still searching for a cure! I'll let you know if I find one.

Lucie

Hi and tnx for your replys

I wouldn't say that the thing with birds is the worst xpirience from the past for me. But its just something that myy ocd is holding on to. I have managed to forget about it for most of the day so I am quite scatisfied

quote:

Depression is thought to be caused by low levels of the neurotransmitter Serotonin. Low Serotonin is also linked to obsessive-compulsive behavior. Depression also has a symptom of searching our memory background to find out worst experiences, then bringing those memories to the surface to torment us (birds in your case). To add to the situation, the brain works on Emotional Memory - the memory mechanism that memorizes both the details AND the feeling at the time of the traumatic experience (see article on Emotional Memory on www.drjoecarver.com ). I really found this article informative, although I'm still searching for a cure! I'll let you know if I find one.

There you go, with depression the brain behaves as a tormentor, not a comforter a lot of the time. This is distorted thinking, out of touch with reality. To automatically BELIEVE what is brought to mind (worst case scenario meant to torment = A LIE) is the worst thing you can do because you are believing a lie. The cure is to challenge these thoughts and not accept them as VALID. Journal these thoughts, then later, when you are in a better frame of mind, come back to them and address them. Seek replacement thoughts that are more in line with the truth. Again, what Tallboy stated is the cure. It is a choice, a conscious decision made over and over again, to forgive yourself for your past and let go of it. If the same thing comes up again and again, you forgive and let go again and again until you begin to believe what you are thinking.

Self esteem is also needed for this. Once you begin to accept yourself and love yourself and stop attacking yourself (this is a conscious decision) the level of neurotransmitters in your brain will balance and you'll feel better. (Stress brought on by our thinking depletes the neurotransmitters) Our thinking can literally make us emotionally sick or heal us. Decide to put up the stop sign when you are attacked and become self aware that this is just something that happens to us (brain attacking us) when we are in depression and we need to simply ignore it because it is based on the brain not functioning properly, i.e. depression.

Believe what the program is telling you because it is the truth. As you work the program the skills will get easier.

Onix,

This thought will probably come back to haunt you again - as that is how obsessive thoughts work. Something will set it off. It's OK. Thought stoppage as Don has suggested is one of the best ways to stop the cycle. It won't heal obsessive thinking but it does give you a break from it so that you can wake up to using your calm breath and then to shift your attention onto something outside of your mind. We need a break from time to time from the cycle of thought. In that break you can determine your next mode of action.

Practice allowing the thoughts to be there without you doing anything. No attachment. No resistance. Just a quiet welcoming. When you no longer resist these thoughts and simply allow them their passage, you will hear less and less from them - and when they do come you will be able to dismiss them easily. This takes practice so practice allowing daily so that it becomes a new habit for you.