Hi, I am here for support in the hopes that others may have some of the same issues I have. I was diagnosed with OCD due to my irrational fears of HIV exposure. I am a healthy individual, married in a commited relationship with my husband and have a young child. I have been fearful of HIV/Aids for most of my life, I'm not sure why really. I was doing OK with my anxiety for a few years but recently I learned that I have Lyme disease. I suddenly began obsessing again about my fear. I started worrying that maybe it is not Lyme but HIV (no reason for the thoughts other than my OCD) I begain inventing scenerios of how I may have been exposed and convinced myself that I was exposed at the Dentist's office maybe he used unsterilized equiptment on me. It got so bad that I nearly had a nervouse breakdown a month ago. I was sent to a Psychiatrist and am now taking medication, which helps somewhat. The problem is I want to stop this irrational line of thinking once and for all. I want to live a normal life not obsessing over contamination, germs, HIV, etc. Can anyone relate to this. I feel sorry for my family. I constantly need reassurance from them that I am "OK" and it is hard on them to see me suffer with OCD, and they don't understand that I can't just "stop" thinking and obsessing. It is an illness not a choice. Thank you for reading this and letting me share my story.
Sara32: I am sure you are absolutely fine! The chances of getting HIV from a dental visit are very slim. The HIV virus dies very quickly as it drys. I had to have a blood transfusion years back and I worried too! I figure this much...if something like that happened, I would have to deal with it and with todays medications people are living with the disease. It is not longer a death sentence. Relax!
I am being told that the virus won't live on surfaces etc. So you think my fear is irrational. My OCD convinced me that it was true. I actually called the HIV hotline several times also. They say it wouldn't happen but I still worry.
Yes I do...I am certain you are fine. The odds are not there and I am sure you are safe. Enjoy this day of health that you have! Smile and laugh - I have a much greater risk with the transfusion!
I had the same fear for awhile. I was so scared because I slept with a guy (used a condom) and then decided he was gross and never talked to him again. Then because i was ashamed I thought I had AIDS. I think I was so ashamed that I thought I deserved to punished. I got tested (of course it came out negative) and forgave myself for regretting something. I know now that my fear was my irrational thinking but this was before the program.
Getting HIV through exposure of everyday things is extremely hard! HIV cannot live outside the body for more than a few seconds. It cannot live in tattoo ink or on tattoo needles, on a surface etc. This is an irrational fear! Trust me I had this fear got the test felt stupid and started to obsess about something else. Now I know not to obsess or to stop it when I start by reminding myslef this is a negative irrational thought and after awhile you will begin to believe the positive truth instead of the negative reality.
Posts: 77 | Location: berkeley, ca | Registered: April 02, 2008
Sara, hugs to you. OCD isn't fun, but guess what?! You CAN LEARN to stop obsessively thinking so much, and to stop over analyzing everything to death. Lots of us have learned to do this and so can you! Oh yes you can. I did and I was a pro at obsessive thinking. You're not alone, not by a long shot. Those of us who have suffered with anxiety as a lifestyle, mixed in with some obsessive traits-that simply go hand in hand in one form or another with anxiety- perhaps with panic attacks and some depression in the mix too, know just what you're talking about and have tons of compassion for you. There are thousands and thousands of people who can totally relate to what you are talking about. Some admit to it, some don't. You just did so now it's time to do something about it and stop telling yourself that this is an illness that you can't overcome. It's a way of thinking and we can train our minds to KNOCK IT OFF!!! It takes time and it takes practice and we have to keep working at it from time to time, but IT CAN BE DONE. The Attacking Anxiety and Depression program is extremely helpful with stopping those nasty obsessive thoughts and constant worry. Give it a try, go for it. Hey, I agree with Steve about the HIV thing. Since that virus dies upon contact with air, it's very unrealistic to think that scenario. FEAR - false evidence appearing real. I must say, like most of us, you have a wonderful imagination and are probably quite intelligent and talented. The brighter we are, the more obsessive we are capable of becoming.
REMEMBER though, if we can train our minds, usually without realizing what we are doing, (over the years)to get that obsessive, we can certainly train our minds consciously NOT to obsess. We DO have a choice in this Sara. We just have to want to change, really want it, and work at it to make those changes happen. God bless and hugs to you.
Posts: 650 | Location: ny | Registered: December 26, 2006
Thank you all for this support. It means the world to me. I am so thankful that something brought me to this web-site, to all of you supportive people. I think it was devine intervention that led me here. I want to learn more of the program. I am working hard each day to get this to stop. But as you all know, every day is a struggle-some more than others. I hope to keep chatting with you all and we can support each other.
Steve, You are a very helpful member of this community, I can see from your posts. I want to thank you again for your answers to my post. I want to ask you, have you discovered that you are fine since your transfusion? I am sure you are. I can imagine that worry must have been difficult over the years for you. I worry a lot about the thing I mentioned w/ the dentist, and I find other reasons, maybe when I got a shot, they used an old needle, maybe when I got blood taken, they used an old needle, I worry about standing next to health care workers thinking I could catch a disease......I can't stop the worrisome thoughts sometimes. My medication is helping, but I need to get a handle on this. I hope you are fine. Take care. It's nice to have a support group.
quote:
Originally posted by StevenFarrisOhio: Sara32: I am sure you are absolutely fine! The chances of getting HIV from a dental visit are very slim. The HIV virus dies very quickly as it drys. I had to have a blood transfusion years back and I worried too! I figure this much...if something like that happened, I would have to deal with it and with todays medications people are living with the disease. It is not longer a death sentence. Relax!
Sarah, Funny you should ask. It is easy to start the what/if's. Sometimes my mind will say - well, what if my blood tests are reading a false negative? What if...this or that. I try to laugh at myself as being "Chicken Little." I am always looking for the sky to fall on me!
I know about the what if's. Don't do that to yourself. (Funny, I can say that, but can't always follow my own advise) That's one of my problems, I feel that the world is against me, nothing good can happen it all has to be bad. Then sometimes I stop and have to actually realize all the good I have, and it helps a bit. I have blessings, and loved ones. The problem is the nasty thoughts are trained to be in the forefront, taking over the good ones. Thats the real struggle isn't it?
I remember thinking back as a child & obsessing over thoughts that I could possibly have many different illnesses & this was one of them.
It's almost as if I only felt comfortable when I obsessed about thinking of a problem/issue & figuring out ways to dispute this belief in my head. Call me crazy!
I used to have the same fear. When I was in 8th Grade I would avoid public toilets, anyone with a scratch on their hand, etc etc because I was terrified of getting AIDS. I probably had come up with 100 scenarios about how I might have been exposed to the virus, none of them were valid. I even avoided contact with other people because I was afraid they'd get my imaginary AIDs.
Eventually I was so worn out from obsessing about contamination that I realized I would rather have a disease like AIDS then live a miserable life worrying about it.
I now know that getting AIDs through some radical twist of events is a VERY scary scenario...one I CREATED in my head, now whenever that thought comes up I mentally just put it in my "scary thought box"..I even commend myself for the creativity it took me to come up with the scenario..but I never let that thought have any power because thats all it is..an irrational fear.
I have read your story and i have suffered from the same. At the moment my problem is violent sexual thoughts but i've had this one too.
A few years ago i had to have my appendix out which was fine. I went to use the hospital toilet and there was blood on the seat i started to panic and thought i didn't get near that blood did i? Then when i get back to my bed i was looking around the ward to see if anyone looked like that might have Aids. Most of the patients were elderly but there was this one girl who worried me i know you should'nt judge people but it was just my OCD.
Anyway i got out of hospital and i felt ok. I was in town a few days after and i saw a boy who worked in Gap with a plaster on his finger i starting having images that i got near his cut and it all started again. This carried on for a while even at work i would only go in toilets that looked clean. If there was a wrapper from a tampon or anything i wouldn't use it. I would scan the toilets for syringes, tampons you name it and i used to sit on the toilet and think i haven't moved anywhere so nothing can harm me. If i'm honest Sara i've had OCD all my life when you look back you realise of things that seemed so scary but believe me you will laugh at this. I don't think your irrational you have OCD thats it. The thoughts to you seem to bad but to others without OCD it probably seems really strange. I wouldn't wish OCD on my worst enermy. Anyway these horrible thoughts carried on until i got pregnant and then it went again. Then bam as soon as i had my daughter these horrible thoughts started. I'm not letting this ruin my life though this website has given me so much encouragement and life is too short i have realised. We've all got so much to live for.
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