ok

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You are not alone little miss..that is me too. Lately my biggest fear is that i am going to let slip a secret i have been so desperately trying to hide for a couple of years. I think about it constantly and obsess over this secret along with the guilt i have from it. I am always afraid that if i drink, i will let it go. For example the other day my whole family was at my grandpas funeral and afterwards my mom told me i could have wine like everyone else but i passed in fear that i would spill out everything i have been trying to hide. I dont know the answer, but i hope that somebody does. Sorry that didn't help much, but i just want you to know that you are not alone.

HI Free:

I can relate, I actually quit drinking b.c of these crazy feelings and fears before I knew I ahd ocd anxiety and depression.. my thought would be to tackle your issues head on without alcohol.. be aware of the vicious cycle and keep positive. Once you feel 'better' mentally and more in control you will be able to drink and enjoy b.c. you are in control of your thoughts, and you and I both know the chances of acting when drunk are even less b.c. of the paranoia and lack of responses..if that makes sense.. I could kill someone persay while drunk, it just couldnt happen Im swaying and slurring.. common, its physically impossible.

I can also relate to 'self medicating' I didnt relize I did it before, still do it but it is much better and different now.. when I drink or smoke pot or anythign I get extremely anxious b.c. I am mastering not being anxious daily- the substance used to 'bring me down' to normal anxiety or so I thought but now that I dont suffer each day with anxiety I really really really notice how the substances make me anxious.. its like levels- if your anxiety is so high the drugs (pot alcohol food) make you feel better, if you arent anxious then they will make you feel that way.. its bizaare.

I would keep working on you before you continue to self medicate, its amazing how when you believe and try and have hope, the addictions disipate away naturally. I am posting the "todays scripture" for your review as I think it could help alot (I am not religious at all but find truth in this):

Today's Scripture

“But now bring me a minstrel. And while the minstrel played, the hand and power of the Lord came upon Elisha” (2 Kings 3:15).

Today's Word from Joel and Victoria

The Bible says that God inhabits the praises of His people. When you worship the Lord, His presence will manifest wherever you are. It doesn’t matter if you are at home, in your car or at work, God will inhabit your praises. And where God is, there is tremendous power available! The enemy cannot stand in the presence of our Mighty God!

What do you need power for today? Do you need God’s healing power in you body? Worship Him. Do you need God’s restoration power in your relationships? Worship Him. Do you need His delivering power from a particular situation? Worship Him.

As you worship Him, you will see your perspective begin to change. The things that used to bother you will no longer bother you. Old habits and addictions will automatically break off of you. Things in your life will begin to change when you live a life of worship.

Start right now by worshiping the Lord out of your heart. All throughout the day, sing songs to Him and declare His goodness. As you do, you’ll experience the life of victory He has in store for you!

A Prayer for Today

Father in Heaven, I worship You today. You are the good and faithful God. Thank You for loving me. Thank You for accepting me. Thank You for working in my life today. I bless You today. In Jesus’ Name. Amen.

__________________________________________

keep in touch, best wishes, good luck and take care!

Maeggie, thank you (as usual) for your words. I was feeling down today and after reading that post i think i am feeling a little better.I love the fact that you are always willing to help everyone.

ok

This message has been edited. Last edited by: free at last,

Hey,

I have replied to your same exact post you made a while ago. Either give up the drinking or face your fear. I am not trying to be rude but You had this same post a couple months ago. I go to an OCD and anxiety clinic and I could tell you that in order to overcome OCD is to actually believe you do or did the things you fear. Its anxiety producing but thats how you face your fear. For example: YOu go out with some friends and have some to drink. What ever hapens hapens. Then the next day you cant reassure yourself that you might have said something or did something. Just keep telling yourself yeah you might of said it or you might of done it. And you cant reasure yourself by asking others if you said or did something you have to live with the fear of you might of done something. Trust me thats what my therapist has the clients do and it works. The reason you keep having this obsession is one you have to actually go through with it, second you reassure yourself that you didnt or you ask people if you did. The situation will cause anxiety and will make you want to reassure yourself you didnt but you cant in order for this to work. Break the cycle.

Eddie I come here and ask for advice so If you dont want to give it in a nice way then don't write me at all I feel bad enough

I personally can't relate to what you are going through, but I know the pain and anguish you must be in. My sister (also my best friend) struggles with the same thoughts and anxieties related to drinking. I know that for a time she had great support and breakthrough with AA. She was going to two meetings per day for a while. She doesn't go now- now she attends mindfulness meditation classes, teaches yoga, and regularly attends church- various methods to calm and quiet the spirit - but it is always there if she needs it. Good luck to you! Prayers are being spoken for you.

I was not trying to be mean in any way. I just don't like when people come here and dont do anything about whats affecting them. A lot of people gave you advice the last time. I also gave you great advice the last time. i am not saying i am an expert on this sort of thing but I go to an OCD specialist and people pay this woman a lot of money for this kind of advice and i am giving it to you for free. trying to be nice and helpful. So how is that being rude. Please take my advice it could help you. Posiibly end this.

Eddie, part of OCD is having a reoccuring obsession. She cant help it that she needs help in the same department that she needed help last time. When one of us needs reasurrance, we need it. No matter how silly it sounds, or how many times weve been reassured about the same obsession in the past. It is unexplainable but its part of the problem. If you don't understand that, then please dont say anything at all because she came seeking comfort not rude remarks making her feel stupid for coming back and needing help. Thank you.

Eddie: I completely appreciate your opinion as it has some great merits however I wanted to say your delivery wasnt great..I wanted to ask you in one place you said when you attended the OCD clinic they said you need to believe you did it to get past it yet later on in your post you state that you must believe the next day you didnt do anything, so what thinking..then you say you cant ask people about it to reassure yourself, but in the latter you say you can..? not to sound confusing, I am curious as to the relationship between it all, but my perception was contradicting. I would enjoy reading your thoughts!

Free: dont let the above about Eddie bother you, he is just giving his opinion, I know it hits home but dont let it. It sounds like he really cares and thats why he responded.. I could see his 'frustration' of wanting to help you..

I appreciate your kind words in my regard! I try and respond as best I can and its nice to hear what you say may help someone what you (and I) are going through is rediculously tough. It isnt as easy as quitting and facing a fear, it just isnt. I believe for me especially this has been progressional. I slowly work on me and it seems my old habits dont fit anymore.. (such as drinking or smoking on my lunch break.. I know sounds bad but we're being honest here) I just dont feel like it b.c. I feel good.. again its a level thing. The MOST IMPORTANT thing is to appreciate and have compassion for yourself.. work on you dont fuel the vicious cycle by beating yourself up, just live as best you can, eat well, exercise and refuse to allow your thoughts to control you. Who really cares if I said something wrong.. who really cares if I slept with someone I shouldnt.. I would like to feel that if I died tomorrow I would be happy with my today. Catch me?

This will happen for you, it will evolve, you must be the one to be aware of it, reach out for help, make that step and admit it in person to people.. when you open your heart and mind to guidance you will find it, I promise, not just god, but guidance in you and in your community. This is (I would say) one of the hardest things is self medicating. Self medicating and of course the cycle that comes with it.. Please keep in touch with me and feel free to PM anytime. I admit it I do self medicate and I can identify that feeling of'I want to self medicate the crap out of myself' feeling.. normally under stress, when my ocd is bad and of course when I am upset in general, but I can promise since working this program and having that undying hope and faith in change, I am 100% better then I was. The medicating disipates, seriously the happier you are and the more you break that cycle the more these issues leave us, naturally.

Again, good luck! best wishes and take care..

free at last,
First of all if you are drinking and have blackouts , with or without ocd,, you need to join AA.
Drinking solves NO problems at all.. And if your at a funeral or whatever and people drink, doesnt mean you have to.
I agree with eddie on alot of what he says, and thats not being mean either. People who try to help others do it by giving them advice from experience, then its YOUR choice to take the advice or not. If your no longer drinking, and have severe ocd,, try to find a OCD therapist.. Nelly

Thank you ineed cause it hurts I do need help Its hard to talk to people. Im so scared and I am a nice gal eddie and I am sure ou are too. A nice guy I mean that is trying to help but be productive please!

Well Mello you know me I use to be fungirl and you know how hard it is for me to come on hear and say im sad and confussed and that is why I come to this forum to talk not to be put down again and again by one person puts me back ten steps

I don't like to debate on forums i think its a waste of time nothing ever gets resolved. But I don't understand how I am being rude. She was given great advice the last time and i am sure she took none of it. If she did then she did something wrong. Trust me I know about OCD. I have it. I go to the OCDLA center of UCLA. I have been going for close to half a year. I have seen people recover from this in this time frame well with certain obsessions. SHE cant reasure herself thats what is causing the cycle. When a person who is afraid of hitting somone on the road and continously drives in circles going back and forth to see if they hit someone is adding fuel to the obsession and their for giving the thought value and importance instead of just saying oh its my OCD or just a thought. She wants a way out I have knowledge i am giving for free. i don't see that as being rude. I may have come off strong and appologize if i offended you. i just hate to see poeple suffering when they have amazing knowledge infront of them and don't take advantage.