Today Monday, October 19th I started my 3rd week with the program, however, I feel that I am stuck on session 2. I just can't change my negative thoughts, and when I try to relax using the relaxation cd, I can't not even concentrate, I start listening to it, and then all of a sudden I find myselt thinking about anything else, I try to focus on the cd but it happens againg, and after a while it becomes frustrating. I have to go through this everyday at work, because we have 10 minutes meetings everyday to get updates. And that's where I need all the help I can get, I talk to myself all the time trying to change my thoughts I say things to myself like, nothing is going to happen or what is the worse that could happen, nobody is going to hurt you, or you are not going to get fired because of this situation, and so on, but nothing works my mind just does not believe this I guess, because the fact is that I feel terrible everyday because of that. If I try to use the relaxation technique it makes me feel worse, as I am trying to relax myself I just get more nervous. I need help PLEASE, any suggestions?

There are quite a few people who had complained of the same things. But with time, all of these began to work for them.

The program works. Just keep trying, even if it doesn't seem like it's working. It will.

It might help to focus on how you want it to be before you go in to your meeting. At least you had a good experience in your head which will make you feel good, so when you go into the meeting, you will start out feeling good instead of anxious. I am doing very well with visualization. I have been amazed how many good things happen everyday that I have been missing because I was stuck.

Relaxation is a learned behavior for those of us with anxiety and it doesn't happen over night after just a few times, especially if our anxiety is at a high point. When I started meditating it took me a very long time to be able to clear my mind and relax. It's not uncommon to feel this way at the beginning of listening to the relaxation CD. It's unrealistic to think your negative thoughts will be gone by session 3. Please have patience with this and keep trying, as the program does work -but not over night. Repetition is key here and if you have the patience to stick it out for a longer amount of time I think you will be glad you did.

I really appreciate all your support, I will keep trying hard, but sometimes I feel frustrated, it has been about 3 years that this nightmare started to bother me really bad, and about 1 year of day after day struggle. I think it is getting worse because about 3 months ago I started experiencing for the first time irritable bowel syndrome, before that I felt bad but it never affected my stomach as it is doing now. All this time I have talked to myself but it never gets in my mind as it should, I think I am a very negative person or something like that, however, before the meeting I always think in a positive way, a few times I have been able to perform better at the meeting to the point that it surprises me and then the next day I try to recreate the same behavior and thoughts to repeat the same thing but it does not work I go back to the same situation, some times it is so bad that I cannot even articulate words, and while at the meeting I just can't think straight because I can't think about any positive thing, I can't not even look around and notice stuff. The fear is so terrible that it shuts down my mind.

It's OK - let your mind shut down. Let yourself experience the anxiety. Let yourself see the negative thoughts (without you talking back to them). Just see them. Just feel how you are feeling. It can not hurt you. You are fighting this. So much resistance to the way you are. Instead embrace the way you are right now. Love who you are. It's OK to have this problem. It's treatable. Don't relax your body right now. It's true. It takes time. You're expecting way too much too soon. Use the relaxation exercise when you are calm and can lay still for about 15 minutes. It's not that long. Learn it really well in this fashion. It will be second nature to you in time.

Stop beating yourself up for this and start soothing yourself. You were born predisposed to this condition. It takes time to learn how to manage it.

Also, the 6 advices are not working because you are not doing them. You must accept and allow. Truly accept and allow. You won't beable to do this right away but try to let it sink in. Eventually, you will beable to do this.

Get a doll (or stuffed animal) that represents you and nuture her. Don't scold and judge. Just accept and nuture. Be patient. The rest will follow.

Hi C2009..I had the same problem relaxing with the relaxation tape. The more you listen even if you don't concentrate or relax, the easier it gets. Something that helped me in the beginning was to repeat in my mind, everything on the tape right after Lucinda said it. This way I at least stayed focased of what was being said. Good luck and don't give up.

All the advice here is really awesome and i agree with it all especially what Boon has said about letting yourself experience the anxiety.

It sounds like some of your expectations of yourself are very unrealistic when it comes to positive thinking and relaxation and this is bound to cause frustration. As an add on to what Boon said, there are 6 steps and you may not master all of them right away, just work on the first one. See that you are having anxiety, know that it is anxiety and notice how it feels. Acceptance is the first step and like the other's have said relaxation comes with time. Don't expect to pay good attention at first as Anxious people aren't good at relaxing. Instead of expecting to do well at the relaxation cd, just expect that you've put it on and are listening to it and I can guarantee after awhile you'll be better at it. Practice practice practice makes us better at any skill, including relaxation.



Mike

Thank you everybody, after reading all of your suggestions, I am starting to think that I really have hope. And that's great news for me.
I really appreciate your time and your advices. I do have the "perfect" situation to practice all of your suggestions because as I mentioned earlier I go through this situation 5 day a week. It is so hard for me to accept it and think that it is ok to experience anxiety but I will keep trying.

and the more practice opportunities the quicker and more effective you can be with overcoming the anxiety and depression.

Mike

I can't believe how negative my mind is. I have been following all the suggestions and I have managed a little bit, however, the weird sensation is still there. but the day before yesterday I did pretty good, I felt really proud of my self so I used the positive afirmation to repeat it, however, yesterday and today again my negative thought were stronger than my positive thoughts because I felt very nervous at the time of the meeting. I do not understand myself, I have been able to see that it is possible that I can get calmed and relaxed. But unfortunately I cannot keep it more than one day. Help. any more suggestions?

But you should also be proud of yourself! You are SEEING how negative your mind is... instead of BEING the negative thoughts. Of course you are still suffering. And of course it is frustrating, infuriating! But you are closer to being in control of your conscious mind. So many of us (me included) endure intense, ongoing personal suffering because our minds and thoughts are not under our conscious control. It sounds a little zen-ish, but being an observer of your thoughts is a HUGE step. When you use the relaxation CD and notice the intrusive negative thoughts, the mind chatter, maybe even get wrapped up in it, then step back from it and go to the CD you are practicing and exercising your power as an observer of these thoughts. Of course you won't perfectly clear and relax your mind the first time right away- if you could, you wouldn't have anxiety! So go easy on yourself because then your inner self, the true you, the observer, the you that's above the tumult of the mind chatter, will come more easily to you. Again, sorry to get a little zen-ish... but seriously, you are worth it. Practice focus on a particular thing - and be ok with failing repeatedly - it's the ongoing practice rather than the single perfect result that's important and life-changing, if that makes sense at all.

Thank you very much for all the support, it makes me feel better everytime I hear something conforting from someone else. I really appreciate it.

C2009 -

Be kind to yourself. This is a process and as everyone is saying, it takes a lot of time and effort. For now, expect that there will be good days and there will be bad days (and of course, some in-between days). If you have a bad day, it doesn't mean that the next day will be bad as well. Also, as you master your skills, your good days will soon outnumber your bad days. On those good days, be proud of yourself and give yourself lots of praise. On the bad days, get back up and dust yourself off, praise yourself for trying and doing your best, and look forward to your next triumph.

I imagine you have a lot of anticipatory anxiety about these meetings since they are a daily occurrence. Since you've had trouble in the past, it's natural (for us) to expect to have difficulty doing the same thing again. But this is a thought process that you can break. If you don't fear attending the meetings and don't obsess about having anxiety during them, then it's pretty unlikely that you will actually have anxiety during the meetings. Worrying about having anxiety during your meetings just becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy.

One thing I might suggest in addition to using your relaxation exercises and positive thinking, is to do some planning for the meeting itself. If you have a rough idea of what you need to cover, jot down some notes about what you can say and how you might respond to likely questions. That way, if you start to feel uncomfortable, you've already prepared your thoughts and will be able to refer to your notes for guidance. Also, if you can't answer a question right away, it's okay to say so and that you'll get back to the person that asks it. These are great tools for people with or without anxiety.

Jamie

I have started to see a little progress I would calle it baby steps, but I think it is going the right direction, you have no idea how much I appreciate all your support.
Thank you very much.