my problem has always been that i don't think that people value me, and it's probably because i don't value myself a lot. this has probably resulted in many of my anxious feelings.

i do believe i have a lot of good qualities but i usually let my fear about what others might possibly think of me take over.

throughout school i always had friends. but i always believed that my friends didn't value my friendship and thought i was a boring person. i believe that me thinking this made it come true most of the time.

i used to think that many people were just "bad people" and that they didn't care about my feelings...but now i'm beginning to believe it's me who allowed myself to be treated in certain ways.

my question is for people who have gone through this same type of situation...how did you change your patterns of thinking and learn not to fear what other people thought about you? how did you learn to make your life the way you really wanted it to be?

i have gained confidence in myself as the years go by but i still believe i am more lacking in confidence and self-esteem than the average person.

i am sick of living a fearful life and i just want to live it as i feel, even if i don't do everything completely "right", without worrying what others think.

thank you for reading and i appreciate any advice

meme,
there is an awesome book called "Approval Addiction" by Joyce Meyers. Its excellant. She gives lots of help to those who feel they need others approval to feel good about themeselves.
You dont need that, and she in a very positive way show you way you dont need others approval for self esteem... Take care Nelly

Meme,

I know exactly what you are talking about since I have been there too. I completely agree with you that other people treat you the way you feel that you should be treated. It's as if we telegraph to other people the ways that we should be treated. So if you have a low self-esteem, that is an injustice. If you have a lot of self-confidence, then that will be reflected in how others treat you. I can tell you that you're not alone.
When I was a young boy, I grew up with this sense that I was somehow different from all my peers. This negatively affected the way I behaved (I always had my guard up, and usually for no reason). I am happy to say though that I finally realized that I was the only one who felt that way about myself. Other people didn't look at me as inferior; other people are people too, and they also have insecurities. That is what helped me a lot! The fact that other people (who I once thought almost had a right to judge me) are just as insecure and have the same emotional needs as I did.
This idea was basically proven when I realized that my words could hurt others, which is not what I like doing at all! When someone has a low self-esteem, I suppose it is easy to assume that your words will bounce off of others, leaving them unaffected. This is false thinking! I know this now, and of course wish that I knew this back in high school. If you look at others for approval, just remind yourself that others all around you are doing the same thing, and probably with you! So people with low self-esteem might think that others don't value you, but it is simply not true.
As far as boosting your self-esteem, I'm sure there are countless books at bookstores that will help. As far as the Midwest Center Program, I know that Lesson 3 is designed to build up your self confidence and is actually labeled "in many ways, the cornerstone to recovery." So Lesson 3 when it's done religiously will change how a person thinks for the better. It will let a person realize that they are a human being, (and most importantly) so is everyone else around them! If you are worried about looking silly in public, chances are that when you're in public there are others who have the same worries. People like us do our best not to advertise this.
Please keep all this in mind and understand that you are no different or inferior from others all around you. The only way you ever could be perceived that way is if you yourself look down on yourself. If you do, then other people might pick up on that. So become a positive thinker and you will feel good about yourself and you will give off positive energy to others among you. Always remember--If you respect yourself, then so will others.
Good luck Meme and hang in there! Self-esteem can be both built and improved upon. Take care,
Jim.

thanks so much jim...you are right, i guess i just have to look outside myself more and realize that people are all the same. we all need to feel loved and appreciated. i have gotten better as i have gotten older but i also let my past (bad) experiences influence my current thinking sometimes. that is really good advice though and it helps me to see that other people have been through the same thing and gotten better.