Hello Everyone, I am sitting here with my 2.5 Lexapro in my hand and I just cannot seem to take it. I was put on this almost 2 weeks ago and everyday its terror, I skipped one day, then I try to cut them into 1.5 which as you can imagine its a mess, all crumbled and it does not work. I was on 2.5 for 5 days last week then went to .5 as my Doctor said, I got violently ill, vomiting, diareah and burning burning stomach pain that felt like I drank pure tobasco sauce, everyday I panic because I take this before and after! My Doctor denies Lexapro can cause nausea, vomiting, etc....but I am having it, even taking the 2.5 is becoming hard, if I cannot take this right it will never work right, but its scaring me half to death.

I read an article in a magazine then on the internet about 1 in 10 people not being able to metabolize antidepressants especially at higher doses, a "gene" or something, and I cannot get that out of my mind, whenever I go to take my Lexapro my mind says "posion" and I think its causing a toxic reaction, I so want to get better, living with this depression and panic has been so hellish, but my son coming home from school finding me dead from a allergic reaction or toxic reaction is worse than panic attacks and crying, I have convinced myself I cant take this and now I will never get well!

I take low-dose Klonopin and I fear interaction, the pharmisist said its alright, but after Anna Nicole Smiths son died the pathologist said "when people are taking two or more of these meds death and overdose CAN happen"!! Now I fear the LExapro and Klonopin together can cause death, I cannot cold-turkey off the Klonopin, I have been on it 3 years and seizures can happen if you suddenly stop taking it, I have cut down a little, hard to do since the anxiety is so bad, the Doctor will not let me just take the Klonpin because alone it causes depression, which I do believe because when I stopped the low-dose Zoloft and just took Klonopin I cried everyday, but when I take the Lexapro and Klonnpin, as prescribed, the side effects are awful and I cannot get out of bed, I feel like I am not living anymore.

ALL the Doctors say that you MUST take the anti-depressants to get well, but what if you take them and get sick? It seems when I take low-doses I do not get sick, but higher I get very very ill, but at lower doses they tell me it will not work, I am so confused, sad and alone.

I cant even concentrate on the program anymore because of the side effects and the fear, its like I am too sick and beaten to even try it anymore, my main fear is taking these two meds and dying of a toxic reaction, it could happen and with my luck it will happen to me, I have tried the meds, prayed so hard, did the program, and I feel like I have failed, everyday I am sick, I cannot eat, I see a therapist but I feel she does not understand how severe I am, the med-Doctor says "just keep taking the Lexapro" she wants me on a higher dose but she is not the one who might die from it, how I wish this would just go away, I have suffered for so long, and I feel like I am losing my family and friends, all I do is panic and cry everyday in the house, I even feel like I am dying, like I do not have much time in this world, I always thought I would outlive my husband, I am so sick now I think I wont live out the year, this is so scary to leave my son.

Is there ANY hope for me? I so want to, if not get better, just function for my son who needs me, the medicine scares me and makes me ill, all the antidepressants do that to me at higher doses, whats left? Right now I am praying that our Lord will help me, please if you would pray for me too, if meds and the program and therapy will not work, all I have left is prayer, its more powerful than all these other things.

I am so sorry to ramble, I am afraid to go to sleep at night because I am afraid the meds will kill me and I will not wake up, my son would find me and that would ruin his life, I have so many phobias, fears and issues, is it possible to get well? do I have to live like this my short life? I dont know where to get help, everything I tried has failed.

I did not mean to depress anyone, thank you for listening and your prayers, I hope one day I can recover and feel some joy and peace again, my son has lost his Mother and that is the most saddest part of this whole ugly disorder. God bless you, I am sorry for venting and thank you, Kucek.

My two cents, but it's possible that some of the side effects are from your nervousness. I'm in the middle of a health scare right now, and I think I've imagined, or brought on, some of the symptoms I see through anxiety (chills, nausea, fever)

Possible?

Kucek....you are getting through this.

Look at the positives. Think of every *tiny" little postive thing in your life..

1) you have helped me with some problems.
2) You are alive...and you are fighting..
3) you are there for your son.
4) you are not failing.
5) you asked your pharmacist about interactions.

YOU ARE DOING IT.....YOU ARE GETTING BETTER

....keep on thinking positive.

I understand about the meds. I don't like suggesting different meds or a different doctor.....but I'm suggesting to you to possible get a different doctor...or at the least a different med.

I had some aweful times with some meds.

I see you doing alot of what if's....I know we all do it....but try not to do that. Try and make some educated decisions. Sometimes search stuff on the net is worse than just trusting that you'll be fine.

Have you tried any other meds?

I'm on cymbalta for depression. And xanax for anxiety. With this combination, I'm coping. I wasn't like that a year ago.

I have said a few prayers for you.... I can give you to great things.....advice or sympathy / help and also some prayers.

Sounds like you had a bad experience with your medication. I'm familair with that one.....

Please others, let's help Kucek in her journey. The greatest thing is that we are here for each other! Don't just view...let's help kucek...

Nick

ahhh...the internet. yes, you're doing the internet self diagnosis as well. See, it's good to make strategic desisions about our own health, but at some point we need to trust our doctors. Do you trust this doctor? Our perception has a lot to do with results, I'm convinced

Thank You Familyman and Jer, I am trying to fight off an attack right now, I so appreciate your prayers and replies, I want so much to trust the Doctor and medicine, I will write back soon I am shaking I will write back thanks

hey...you hand in there...your right, your son does need you...your not alone...i did the same cutting thing with my paxil...even 1mg of it and i could not function...but i weened myself off and i feel better...now i am to try wellbutrin...will it work? i dont know...but i have to try....i am scared to death because i have also tried lexapro, zoloft, paxil, depakote, buspar, and the list goes on, all within the last year...but i must push on...you hang in there....before you know it, life will be great...by the way, i need to follow my own advice...

I am sorry I just had a horrible attack it went on and on. When this happens to everyone on this site is it normal to feel so terribly exhausted? I feel like I am dying? so tired and depressed? like someone just beat me up.

My son is due home from school any minute and I am trying to pull myself together, I cant eat I tried to eat a cookie and milk and feel like I am going to not keep it down. I feel so weak, if I just knew there was relief and recovery down the road, I dont feel that anymore, I am afraid if these attacks continue my body will just give out, they just go on and on and the crying does not help, I look so bad, when I look in the mirror I cannot believe whats looking back, I look so terrible and frightful.

I want to live and function for my son, I dont want to die and leave him, I wish I could find a Doctor to help me, they just take my money I dont have and dont help me, that in itself is very scary. Thank you for your prayers, I have bothered everyone enough, I am so sorry. God bless you all for your help, Kucek.

Kucek,
I'm so sorry you're having a hard time, my heart really goes out to you. I had a bad reaction to zoloft a while back and it scared the crap out of me and now I am very wary of any meds. I do take xanax and I havent heard that it will cause depression if taken on its own, but it does help with my anxiety. I dont think I'm depressed, but of course at times anxiety can beat you down.
I think it's really interesting that you mentioned equating the med to 'poison' or a 'toxic substance'. The mind is soo powerful as we all have learned. My guess is it could be mainly self induced effects. I'm sure the med is going to throw some side effects at you while you adjust, but I think it's not just that. I could feel the fear and anxiety of the med in your post. Try to tell yourself these meds are here to help me. But there is nothing wrong with questioning doctors. If it's any reassurance, my understanding of Anna Nicole's son was that he died of methadone poisoning which is not from his anti-depressants. It is safe to take an anti-depressent with a benzo, please dont worry yourself about that. Of course we tell outselves BUT anything is possible, but it's that tiny shred of doubt that keeps the anxiety going. I know with my issues, I can tell myself, hey yuo're going to be fine, but I can always find one tiny shred of doubt so I question it. The point is, the likelihood of you having a fatal allergic reaction to these meds is slim, very very slim. I agree, it's good to stay off those internet sites about meds and side effects! Hang in there, treat yourself to something nice and relaxing, you're going to be ok.

kucek, you can do it,you have been sick for so long.i feel so bad for you.i would come to your house and stay there until your meds are working. of course that is not possiable. maybe it could be.i want to help you.take the whole dose of meds.both of them.you have to do it.let them make you sicker.TAKE THE WHOLE DOSE.please,just do it.you have to get the theraputic dose to take effect. peace&love,anita

Kucek,
Anna Nicole Smiths son was on two antidepressants and methodone, and they never said how much he was taking of each. Methodone can be deadly by itself if you take to much.
Ive taken lexapro in the past, it did great for my depression. Now, i know each person is different, but how will you know if you dont at least try it. Klonapin is a benzo, its specificaly for anxiety, its not an antidepressant. I know how scared you are and how anxious and depressed you are, but please if you trust your doctor, try it. And continue on your program to. Take care Nelly

Kucek,

If you are tired of your "story" (and I assume you are) then you have got to do something different. You are going to have to trust somebody. I doubt very much if your doctor is out to kill you so you need to do what he is telling you to do. You can take 20 mg a day and still keep alive. He is starting you out very low so you can adjust to it easier. I truly suspect you were feeling some side effects from the meds but I also very strongly suspect you were overreacting to your thoughts (fears). The side effects of nausea are temporary. One week max on the Lexapro. It passes and, yes, you can handle that.

You could also ask your doctor to hospitalize you until they got you regulated. Taking meds right now with how overwhelmed you are with emotion will help you to study the program.

Take the meds, Kucek, and let them help you while you need them. Once they kick in, you'll be so glad you did.

Remind yourself often that your thoughts are just scaring you. They are lies. Ego is having so much fun with you right now. Focus on your breath - just breathe normally. Allow the meds to work for you.

It's time for a change, Kucek.

Blessings to you.

Thank you everyone I will have to bite the bullet and try to do this. I see my therapist tomm evening and I am going to have to tell her everything, the fear is taking over my life and causing horrible bodily symptoms and stomach pain. I am going to try the low-dose Lexapro, anything to get rid of this pain. Thank you all for your support and prayers. Kucek.

Dear Kucek,
After reading all the responses to your story I felt compelled to write. I am very new to this program and to this site. I, perhaps, don't have enough knowledge and information to truly help you but I do believe I was ment to read your story and respond in some way to help you.

I have suffered for years with Anxiety and depression...As many as 20 that I can account for. I have found only one thing to truly work for me and that is Exercise and nutrition. Now I know that sounds profound and simplistic. It truly does go back to how we feed our bodies.

If I can offer just a simple little help to you today I would say to try to spend 5 min.. EVERYDAY in honest to goodness attempt to move your body. Whether it be walking around your home perimeter or going a little farther...Add 5 additional min. to each new day you awake!! Make this a committment that EVERYDAY you will treat your body like it is the most important job you have to do each day and make the right choices in food you eat as well! The cookie and milk...not a good choice. Comfort food! Choose a good source of protein and a good choice of carbs to feed your body. DRINK NOTHING BUT WATER ALL DAY, EVERYDAY, FOR THE FIRST 4 WEEKS!! YOUR BODY NEEDS TO DETOX AND PROCESS NUTRIENTS THROUGH YOUR BLOOD STREAM! BEGIN THIS TOMORROW. Watch your mind begin to settle down some, the thoughts that overwhelm you will begin to subside and soon, hopefully you will be on your way to a NEW YOU!! A NEW YEAR IS COMING! Make some new choices in what you're doing now!

With Love,
Stacy

Kucek,
I read your comments a few hours ago and I felt the need to respond to you. I was in the very same situation in which I lost the ability in deciphering reality from panic. I was afraid of absolutely everything. My family urged me to seek medical attention. Despite their plea, I became angry at them. I guess they were saying things that I knew were true, but I could not face. After several months of starving myself and managing my medications improperly, I was faced with dealing with my issues - fear of living. When I chose not to seek immediate care, that is when my health deteriorated. Constant fear, anxiety and depression can lead to very serious health-related consequences. I would kindly ask of you, to seek out a solution to resolve your fears. Someone had mentioned, that a hospital visit may help you and your body become accustomed to the initial physiological changes to the medication. You are deserving of gaining your life back. As someone said, a new year a new you!

Thank You Steve and Stacy for your replies. I do drink alot of water and I try to walk 10-15 minutes after dark around the neighborhood, the reason I have not eaten much is because of the nausea and stomach pain, I notice if I eat very little its not so bad, the direaha has stopped when I decreased the Lexapro, which is good, when my stomach is calm I try to eat a bit.

Yes I am very scared of meds. A Hosptial is probably not an option for me right now, there is noone to watch my small special-needs son, my husband works 12 hour days for a very "mean boss" I am sure many can identify, he will lose his job if he takes off for several days, they are doing lay-offs, and his boss does not like him so if I went into the hospital he would be fired, and that would cause anxiety to the entire family. My in-laws are in their eighties and cannot care for my son, they can barely care for themselves, and my family is in Ohio, I have even asked a few of them if they could come down here to help me for a week or two, and they cannot because of work and family commitments which I understand, I really have no friends, and all my neighbors work all day, plus my husband is not healthy himself and is drinking more beer, he says in response to my disorder, which of course fills me with more anxiety, basically I guess I am on my own.

I am just going to have to take the meds and hope for the best here at home, I have no other choice, insurance would not even cover it and we do not have that kind of money, also my Doctor said they do not hospitilize anxiety patients very often, except when they want to hurt themselves or others, which is not the case at all, its just my darn fear of the meds.

Somehow someway I must do this alone, of course along with the program and prayer, my son needs me and if he would get hurt while I was at a hosptial I could never ever forgive myself.

I told my husband I want to move back to Ohio we have abousutly no support or help when things go wrong. I am praying things will get better. Thank you all so much. Kucek.