I am embarrassed to admit this........I'm a nurse. I do home health care part time and taking care of my clients is so hard to do. Everyone that I take care of I think I will "catch" their disease. The ones with heart problems are the hardest. I always think I have heart problems even though I have been to several doctors and they tell me it is anxiety. I was hoping for some words of encouragement. Thank you to anyone that has advice on this.

Hi Medgrl:
I'm a nurse also...and yes, I get scared sometimes thinking an emergency will happen and I won't have my mind about me. That fear actually brought on many panic attacks at work. I always feared that when I was spacey, something would happen and I couldn't respond efficiently. Well, the nightmare did happen...last week. A little girl had a seizure and I was called to the emergency. I was tired, spacey (as usual in the morning) and you know what??? I didn't panic...I was able to CALMLY assess the girl and because I stepped outside myself...I was able to focus on her and do what I am trained to do. Point is: we focus so much on our "obsessions" whether that be physical, or thoughts or the spaciness that we are all in our heads...but when life or work distracts us, we can function and quite well. That's what makes this whole condition so wackey. People have absolutely NO idea what hell is going on in our heads...people tell me all the time, they think I'm strong and got it all together etc... OMG...if they ever really knew??!! So, no-one knows about your fears....let them come and go...it's part of the anxiety like Emma said and do your job and I bet you do a great job at it!!!! So just keep plugging along...no one knows, your skills are with you, you are OK and you'll get through these fears. Keep working the program and know that you are a great nurse and that it's just a hazzard of the trade to see so much disease out there...it comes with the territory. If you worked with food, you might have food phobias...so it's just the anxiety. It'll go away if you let it. Emma's post was right on. Good luck....keep taking good care of yourself!

Emma, you are too funny!!!! So tell us who you stayed with and what you did???????? I hope it was fun........

Thank you for your thoughts and encouragement. I always try to give the best care I can. Sometimes I have to "run" to my car because I forgot something. Ha Ha........But I never want to cheat my clients.

Thank you Sidd for your kind words. They do help and your right, when your in an emergency you seem to step outside yourself and let your knowledge take over. I will just keep plugging away at this........

Medgrl, I am also a healthcare worker. I completed an internship at a hospital last year in order to sit for the RD exam. It made my anxiety disorder so much worse. I had to work in ICU and that was really tough. I have asthma and I was afraid that I would be on a mechanical ventilator like some of those patients one day. I still have nightmares about it. I would freak myself out daily during my rotation. I even had a bad asthma attack once at work. My patients often told my preceptor how great of a job I did with them, eventhough I had anxiety. I think in a sense having this disorder makes us more empathetic individuals. I know I am much more empathetic and mature than most others my age, which helps me to be a better healthcare worker. I have realized that working in a hospital setting inpatient setting is not for me. I am applying for jobs in an outpatient, community setting. Just keep your head up and realize that you are a special person. Your patients need you!

I am not in the care field, but I will be going to nursing school in January, and I have been obsessing a lot!!! Everything you could think of I've thought about it, but I'm glad to see that others feel the same way. I just keep telling myself that I'm going to school to learn how to be a nurse, I'm not going to be expected to know everything the first day!!!

Thank you everyone for responding to my post. I want each of you to know what a comfort it is to have such great support and friendship here.

Have a great day..........Pam

Hi medgrl. I am a recent nursing school graduate. I take my boards in July. Right now I'm dealing with a lot of anxiety and some depression. I don't worry so much about catching diseases, but I'm constantly worried about what other people think of me. Normally, I don't care so much. I know it's just that I'm going through lots of changes now...new job...new role....trying to get out on my own. When I go through changes I usually have a bout of depression, not always, but sometimes. Just wanted you to know that you're not alone.

Hi medgirl!

I am in the medical field too and I have the same issues. I work as a PA. I work in the LTC facilties and am constantly in fear of my life! I had to laugh when you wrote, "if only they knew!" They're sitting there talking about their problems and I'm sitting there in my head going, "yeah, I have that!" And if we get a young person in....forget it! My biggest fears are having a stroke or a heart attack, which are both VERY prevalent in the population I see. I guess we will all get through this together!

I am also an RN taking a leave of absence due to ECT for depression and suicidal ideation. I worry about returning to work in a couple of weeks (to a job I love) because of fear of poor job performance. I'm not sure I can keep up with the workload and have had a poor short term memory, which will make my job extremely difficult. I need to be able to do my job as patient's lives and welfare rest in my hands. I am afraid I will be unable to perform as I should.

-Renon

Well....join the club. I have been in the mental health field for 25 years....have worked as a marriage and family therapist in private practice, in psych hospitals...even as a behavior specialist in a maximum security prison!!! And...I have been a middle school guidance counselor now for 8 years......there is not a day that goes by that I don't ask myself "What in the world am I doing trying top help others when I am nuts?????" I know, jusst like you do, that I have been in this profession because helping others is one thing that has made me feel worthwhile, like I matter.....only thing is that, like you, I have spent my entire life giving to and taking care of everyone....except me. That is one reason I am trying this program....I have to do something....and just your honesty has already encouraged me to stay with this.....you hang in there....and you are MOST DEFINITELY NOT ALONE.....

Jchick

I may have the okay to return to work next week in the hospital doing patient care as an RN, but I am unsure that I am ready. I worry that if I hold out much longer, I may lose my job. Should I jump in and hope for the best or try to stretch my LOA out longer?

Thank you everyone for all the help and encouragement. Renon, I am now doing home health care and it has really worked for me. I set my own hours and do not have anyone watching over my shoulder. If I can't make it to work I just let them know, so far there has been no pressure. I would like to get well again so I can get back to the ER where I love it. Thanks again to everyone, I really appreciate it.

Cool to see people in health care,

I've been a nurse for over 20 years and I'm trying to work my way out of it.It's not the sick I take care of it's the people around the ill patient's I take care of and the system that does not let use take care of them.I love the nursing part.As for your comments Medgrl.Do you remember reading about different diseases and things when 1st going to nursing school.Not sure about you,but I would think at times I had everything in the book.As for taking care of the sick I put on a different face,a work face.Gear up and go is what I like to do,hospital or home care setting.I'm going to get out of the field though.Tired of the BS.

Hello everyone. I have been a nurse a number of years. I had back injury right out of school. When I returned to nursing I went from med surg to amb/surgery and I loved it. My anxiety/panic attacks began after i got engaged to be married.

At the time I worried that I would catch an illness from my patients, especially HIV/Hepatatist. I actually worked w/ a new grad who was about to get married when she stuck herself w/ HIV needle. That absolutley scared me. When I became engaged that was my overwhelming fear.

The panic attacks became so severe I ended up leaving direct patient care and got into utilization review/ managed care. It was ok but oh how I missed floor nursing.

I have been out of work for a 8 years out of managed care and 17 years out of direct care. Home raising a family. I have enjoyed being home but oh how I miss working as a RN.

I have thought about going back even started a refrsher program. But my fear now is that I have been out for so long how can I return, so much has changed, what if I make a med mistake, what if I have an emergency situation and I cannot cope.

I have decided to look into volunteering in a local hospital just to get my feet wet. I figured I could check ou the hospuital for future employment and begin to feel comfortable in a hospital evironment.

I would love to hear from other health care professionals and how they have been able to manage their anxieties with working. Take care and God Bless.