allright i am writing on here and am only putting off all the housework i have to do......i know this yet am still writing this seems hopeless i am in a downward spiral and can not seem to stop myself i am my own worse enemy i have 3 wonderful kids and a good job my husband is trying to do "theright thing" whatever that means and he is on meds for his anger but refuses to get counseling now and i refuse unless he goes with me i think that is just an easy way out for me because i am scared to take the steps to do this and also to talk to anyone else......i feel stupid and just plain lazy....i am tired yet have a hard time falling asleep right away. i want to cry for no reason again and just want to leave but not really nothing makes sense sorry allright i am going to go do some laundry.........how sad am i to have to force myself to even do laundry....sorry i guess i am having a pitty party for myself thanks for letting me vent,

Hey laundry.......who likes it? See, you're very normal LOL.

Seriously, I think if you try to do something that needs to be done, whatever it is, you'll find you will feel better about yourself. It's a start. Another boost to your self-esteem. It makes you feel capable of doing things instead of always feeling incapable of doing them. Try it. It doesn't sound like much but I know when I get in that mood it really helps.

Then do something to treat yourself. Anything you like. Sometimes I treat myself with pampering "me". Like wearing something that makes you feel good, putting on some wonderful smelling lotion, some different eye shadow, whatever.

You're not stupid or lazy. You just need to find some pick-me-ups that you can do for yourself.

I hope this helps alittle. Better times are coming

i put a load of laundry in and the whole time am thinking i hate what i have become and evryone else will probabely think i am horrible but i am sick of trying to do things only for them to backfire......i hear myself saying things to my kids that my husband says to me or them that i yell at him about......i actually called my 6 yr old daughtera b***h!!! something i said i would NEVER do....i am sick of not knowing what i can do or say because i do not know what he is going to 'PLAN' or how he will feel that moment. i am sick of living with someone that only seems to get pleasure out of things that i feel are morraly wrong some things are just annoying. my 3 year old is now singing mother f*****r because of my husband band. i know he is thinking about doing illegal things i just hope it is my imagination........nothing to do with the kids i mean drugs it was a problem for him in the past.and not just using them.i am at my wits end i am sick of the house being destroyed and having no help from him he plays with his band stuff is on his pc or sleeps or sits in front of the tv and eats leaving everything on the floor i have to beg him to do things with the family and when he does he brings it up in my fave like it was a big thing or he finds a way to try to wreck the moment and pouts or starts talking about wierd things in front of the kids that pisses me off and he finds it amusing......maybe i am just uptight and act like a grandma i don't know.........sometimes he can say all the right things an i really beleive i will be able to have a "normal" family but usually a few days later it is back to the same and then i get like this and it makes everything seem worse then it probabely is so it makes it worse.......how do i end this cycle.........i know i am only making a mountain out of a mole hill so to speak...but i can not stop myself......and my kids are the ones who get the raw end of it and life is just not fair!!!now i sound like a baby lol sorry i sound ridiculous.......this is my journal for when i can not write what i am thinking so please excuse my whining. and thanks for letting me vent again

serene thanks i was in the middle of my whine fest while you replied lol i am going to take a long hot bath while my husband is sleeping and maybe i will feel better

Tigerlily-- Yes, you have some very big problems to deal with but we have to start with ourselves. We have to get our own mind and feelings in order before we can be good for others, like your children. Don't overwhelm yourself with negative self-talk. Work on you. It helps us to put things in perspective so we can deal with the other problems.

Take one problem at a time. Heal yourself so you can deal with your children better. Try to be less affected, more effective. Once you feel in control your children will feel it and react to it.

Good luck!