I am just starting and I know how you fill it seems like I have to fight to give myself a reason to get out of bed and that life just seems like one long day I have seen doctors and read books bit no help I hope for the best for us all

I ordered the program 10 years ago with tears streaming down my face as I said I didn't want to feel this way anymore. I didn't go past week 1.
But I never let myself get rid of the tapes, despite moving several times. I'm just in week 2 now. To anyone who is afraid to start: The tapes cannot hurt you, so don't fear them. The worst that can happen is you may discover you're not ready yet. Which is no worse than where you are now! I used to think of myself as a failure for not completing the program back then. I get nervous sometimes doing the relaxation tape, and I get anxious criticizing myself about not looking at the workbook, listening to the lesson tapes too much, how my mind wanders as I try to do the relaxation tape... I know I'm not the only one.

Take that baby step and put the CD in! Put it in and then make dinner, clean the house or play a game so that you don't feel like you're really doing it. You'll catch a few things they say, your ears will perk up because you can relate, and you'll want to hear more. Listening to other people who get how you feel is empowering. Grab that power. Good luck to all, and to me as well.

I feel better knowing that I'm not alone in having difficulty starting. I "forgot" I bought the program and it sat collecting dust for a year. When I opened the box, I was overwhelmed by the number of cds and packets, and that usually makes me anxious and not do something.

But today I carefully and slowly read what to do first, second, and third: Jump-Start Video; Introduction Guidebook; then I listened to the Relaxation CD. After that I started Audio Session 1, and then the Coaching Video. Then I read the Session 1 of the Guidebook.

I cried through some, felt anxiety and went into a tailspin. Then I listened to the Relaxation CD again. I went through my usual anxiety/depression routine later because I think that the idea of change scared me. After many hours I pushed myself to go outside. It wasn't so bad; I got some exercise and listened to my thoughts and my body reactions. I just observed.

I came back and listened to the Coaching Video again and read the Session 1 Guidebook again along with the flashcards. I slowly, and reading out loud, compared the statements on the Flashcard to the Section 1 of the Guidebook. This helped me understand the flashcard better.

This slow and deliberate way really helped me integrate the information. It's such a relief to know there may be a way for me to change. I hope that by sharing my approach today might help someone else.

The program arrived at my door 2 weeks ago, just
before we went on vacation. For most of the vacation I was anxiety free and thought that the
worst was behind me. Now that I am home I feel a loss of control. I am "anxious" to start the
first lesson and am on my way out to purchase a
CD player.
Thanks for being there.
Catherine2

Sueski

we have some simular situations,i also ordered mine in 2001,i have started back as of Monday sept 21 09.I stiil have everything and the midwest center told me the info was still good to go.

i understand how the thread author feels the first step is the hardest. jump in and lets all beat this condition together. WE CAN AND WILL DO IT!!!

i

Where do I begin? I received the program about 3 weeks ago and it is still unopened. Why am I afraid? First, I figure if I don't open it, it will be easier to return. I have one week to decide to keep it or not, otherwise I will have to pay for it and paying $500+ is scaring me considering my financial situation. Do I need it? I guess after hesitating over many months to get it, and when I felt I was at my lowest and near the end, ordering it in tears, then yes I do need it. Maybe I also figure it will be too much work and will take too long to see any benefits, if it ever happens at all.

I read all the testimonials and felt inspired to add to them. I felt the pain and struggles of so many who have come before me. As I read Lenore's and others comments, I started crying and could not stop. I empathized and also saw myself, and I didn't like what I saw and how weak and unsettled I had become. When I think of the alternatives to not starting the program, where my life might go, or not go, from here, I feel powerless, worthless and defeated.

The depression and anxiety is something I have struggled with for a long time. I have not been working for 9 years now, I have no source of income, I have huge debts and no sign of any way out of it for a while until I can figure out how and when I can find work. My marriage ended suddenly 1.5 yrs ago and now I am what I never thought I would be, a single parent. I am disengaged from my girls most of the time and that pains me enormously. They deserve to have the strong, connected father I always thought I would and could be. I am lonely when I am without them and also from not having that 'significant other' to share lifes joys, challenges, successes and pleasures.

I have had a number of depressive episodes over most of the last 30 years (2/3 of my life) and they seem to be getting stronger and scarier. I have tried different medications over the last few years, and have had 3 different therapists since I started regular therapy almost 3 yrs ago. I have tried support groups and different readings (most of which I had given up on quickly) and little has made a difference. During the peak of my latest depression, I tested with an extreme depression, sometimes 'improving' to severe. It has been very discouraging and debilitating. The things that I thought could keep me holding on have been harder and harder to keep as an incentive to keep going. At this point, only the pain that I would cause my family(ies) keeps me from thinking that my own pain is too much to overcome. At what point does the pain and suffering become too much to bear that it will outweigh that of those closest to me? (crying break - can't see the keys).

I think I have said enough. I need to make that decision to start or not in the next week. Seeing if I have enough strength or incentive, or can overcome the overpowering procrastination, will impact where I go from here. I guess I need to think if I am worth the effort, or if this is a huge part of who I will always be. I don't like that idea and feel I should be willing to do whatever I can, especially when I have read from others about there success, to overcome this. I just don't know if and how I can. I've heard a saying - if you don't start, how can you expect to change? In my head I usually hear, if I do start, I won't like it, and if I don't start, I won't realize another failure.

Thanks for your time and consideration, and thank you to MWC/AAD for trying to help.

mark167,

Depression can consume us. Maybe tries some of these steps to help you move on:
Write down 3 things that you want to achieve. Begin with To.... Then list an obstacle that might stop you from reaching your goal. Last list 2 to 3 steps or actions that will get you to your goal. Then reread them a few times a day, if you need to or at least once a day.
Get the book, "What To Say When You Talk To Your Self" by Dr. Shad Helmstetter. It is $7.99 and is recommended in Lucinda's prog. This book tells you why you have the depression and what you can do to free yourself of it, be in control of your life.
If the cost is scaring you away from Lucinda's prog., go to your library. Some libraries have a copy you can borrow or check on Amazon.com or other sites like that, that sell the program for a lot less.
If you need encouragement, there is a site that has some motivators that might help you think in the positive, www.movemylifeforward.com
Start a gratitude notebook. List all the things that you are thankful for. Then each day in the am write three things that you are thankful for and then again at night write three things that you are thankful for. Keep trying to think in the positive and not in what might happen or could happen.
Watch the movie: The Secret. It helps you understand that you have the power to control your life, you decide what kind of life you have.
I hope these help. You have had some rough times but you can turn your life around, but only when you decide to do it.
Keep writing here on the forum for support.You can do this. The program is VERY helpful!!!!

Thank you for your caring and concern. I understand what I should be doing to change, but it just seems like a lot of work & time, and whatever I have tried in the past has had little or no effect. I am at a very scary and unsettled point in my life and I don't know if I can change and hope to get better, or if I do nothing and know that my future will continue to be bleak or even end. I want the pain and suffering to end. I have become so accustomed to this that I guess I have unwittingly accepted it, resigned myself to the fact, and already given up. The thing that scares me right now is that if I don't start the program and do return it, I may be giving up on the last best chance I have at turning things around, and that discourages me even more. I probably need this now more than anything in my life, but I want the constant misery to end, at perhaps any means. I guess I just need to find the strength and courage to change, but those are hard to find these days.

mark167,

It sounds like the first thing you need to do is decide: Do you want to get better or not? If no, then continue your life as you have been. OR if yes, then start thinking in the positive. Every time you question or doubt yourself, remind yourself that you want to get better and want to change your life. Take one step at a time. You have the power to get better!! It won't happen overnight but you haven't gotten to this point overnight either. Little steps add up to big steps. If you really want to do the program, call the number, and I'm sure they can help you set up schedule that you can handle. Again, you need to make a decision. Do you want change or not? You hold the deciding factor. Take one of the suggestions and work with it. Remember, you have many of us here to help you. Lucinda's program is excellent. It will bring change. The amount of change is up to you. Search your heart and decide what you really want in your life. It is up to you. It is scary but living the way you are is scary too.

Mark 167,

I do know what you are talking about regarding hesitation in starting this program. I first ordered the program with the tapes 9 years ago and never did anything with them. Now I have reordered and still have trouble making it through. I am alittle behind this second go-around, but I am determined to cut myself some slack and pat myself on the back for opening the box and listening to the CD's. Alot of my condition is about having enough time for everything in my day, I feel overwhelmed most days, and I don't even have children. I want so much to get well, that I finally realized I must make starting and completing this program a priority in my life. Most of my life, I have always been anxious and alittle depressed but have managed to hide it (or so I thought). Now my physical symptoms have progressed and I don't want to live like this anymore. Just wanted you to know I know how you feel, I don't have all the answers, just take it one day at a time.

I have read these posts and just want to hug all of you.

You guys can do THIS!! There is no fail here. You work at your own pace, discover things about yourself, grow inside your heart and let yourself out of this misery.

I'm cheering for all of you. You can do it RahRahRah!!!

Thank you for your replies and encouragement. I guess I really need that emotional or spiritual push to keep me from falling further. I guess that is also why I keep coming back to this forum for something to hang on to. It is very daunting to think of all the time, work and effort that will be required to help me get better, but it is so scary to think of the alternative. I don't want to die, but I don't want to keep living either. I haven't really been living for a while now anyhow.
I have been trying to answer if I really do want to get better and I think I do, but don't know if I am really willing to take the necessary steps to get there. I'm just so used to this 'way of life' that I don't know any better. You can get very comfortable living in sh.. if that is all you know or do. Do you know that saying (from either Gandhi or the Dalai Lama) that the journey of a thousand miles beginds with one step. I usually look at it as an almost unsurmountable first step to take, and that the journey is just going to take way too long so why bother.
Sounds very defeatist, but that's often my way of looking at things. I wish I could be more, or even a little, optimistic, but that is part of the disease. Resignation to the fact has been very cruel and debilitating and finding the strength or courage to change continues to be difficult. I just feel somewhere between overwhelmed and defeated. All I do know for know is that I will keep checking in, but when Sunday comes,???.

mark167,

Try not to look at the whole picture. You are right. One step at a time. You have decided that you want to get better! You have made the first step. Congratulations!!! Now you want to keep reminding yourself that you want to get better. The idea is to get rid of the negative thoughts no matter how difficult or debilitating things have been in the past. You want to walk away from your past. Today is a new beginning for you. Compliment yourself for your decision and efforts. Then write down on a piece of paper, I want to GET BETTER. I want to Change My Life. Post it somewhere so you can read it over and over during the day. Keep reading it so you begin to believe it. And if your doubts start entering, quickly repeat, I want to get better and try to see yourself as well and happy. It may sound silly but writing things down has helped many people follow through on their goals and dreams. Try this and see if it helps. You have people here who are praying for you and believe in you. You can do this! Believe in yourself! We will be waiting to hear from you. One step at a time.

After a lot of (mostly negative) reflection, I am still thinking of trying the program and sticking with it. I haven't even opened the box yet, but I did call the MWC to confirm having received it. I mentioned my worries over the cost and really really needing the program as well as thinking I would not be able to change anything. Talk about needing to attack more anxieties. Anyway, they were very understanding and offered me a big discount, which was a relief, and allowed me 2 more weeks to start and review the program before I had to decide to keep it or not. I'm not sure if that extra 2 weeks is like having been given an extra opportunity to find that motivation to change, or if it is more like a stay of execution. She told me to start on lesson 3 (negative self talk which I am great at) for 1 week, then go to lesson 12 (finding the courage to change) for another week. I don't know what the other lessons are about, but I sure need these.

As I mentioned in an earlier message, I have really struggled with trying to find the courage and motivation to change. I don't know what else it is going to take to get me to start and then to keep going, but at least I am considering it more heavily. Thank you for your input and inspiration. I honestly cannot remember the last time I was actually happy. I don't know if I can imagine how that would feel on an even occasional basis. Finding the strength to do these things is daunting, but considering the alternative(s), I should do what is necessary to get better. Imagine having to try to convince myself that getting better is the right way to go. It seems obvious but unfortunately painfully so. I will try to remember to take it one day at a a time, one step at a time.
I really appreciate your replies and it makes me want to keep coming back and to try. I have isolated myself with this disease for a long time and it helps knowing someone out there cares and can sympathize. I should stop now as I can't type well through the tears. Thank you.