Hi all,
I do not post often on here, but I have a dilemma that I need feedback on. As you may guess, I am a helper. I like to help people and to feel a part of something. I guess that is my need for acceptance rearing its head. Ialso took a communication test eralier this year and scored as an Adovocator. This guy I work with was so close to me in scoring, our plots on this chart were nearly on top of each other... The problem is that this guy loves to pick apart my helping ways and accuses me of kissing evreyone's asses, that I am constantly trying to impress our boss, and that I am downright too nosey and unprofessional because I like to help out even if I am not asked for help.
Now I do see a fault in some of this. I guess the "don't speak unless spoken to" rule may apply here, but I think that if someone has a question and two people are trying to figure it out, and I know the answer, isn't it more professional to pipe in and help? After all, businesses strive for efficiency and ways to save money, so why not speed things up!?
And for the impressing the boss idea, I have been here, in my position for five years, with the same boss. She is totally laid back and we all like her and the department gets along great... except for the criticism from that one co-worker.
Am I really at fault here, or is he needy of his own attention and feeling that I take away his spotlight??
Outside opinions would be so helpful here.

Thanks so much for reading.
Kelly

Ya know what I think? I think he's insecure and fears you as a competitor. Obviously, if your scores were so close together he feels threatened by you. He might think that you are "out of line" in expressing your ideas. I'm a barber. I work in a shop with a girl just like this guy. Her dad trained both of us and we have the most business in the shop. She tries to do that to me, too. Used to really YONK ME OFF!!! One day, even though I knew exactly what to do with this particular haircut, I asked for her opinion. I called her over, had her look at the problem area and asked what she thought would be best. She was polite, answered my question, we discussed it a little bit and moved on. That really, really helped. Not to say we don't still butt heads a little, but the other day she asked the same of me! She just sees me as competition. There is room for success for everyone. Even if it KILLS you, try placating him a little. See what kind of response you get. GOOD LUCK!!!

I think Jenny is right, he may view you as a threat and a WOMAN to boot! SOme men may find that a put together, intelligent woman looks better than him=insecurity.

Really, who cares what he says anyway? Just smile and keep doing what you are doing. WHen you smile. it keeps them wondering! You are doing a GREAT job and sounds like HE is not too sure of himself. Be confident in the job you do, that is the only thing that matters. It takes practice to just let abusive attacks just roll off your back, but you can get to that point . I have. Thinking about the drama someone else can cause only takes away from what we are able to accomplish. It is wasted time. Put your enegry and time into people and activities that are positive, that you enjoy. Stop losing time on people that are just abusive, jealous, angry, whatever his case may be. Just smile and keep doing a great job.

Thanks somuch for both of your feedback. This guy drives me crazy sometimes. And you know what- he is so insecure with himself and is constantly butting HIS nose into everyone else's business... AND he even pushes his lfie story on others EVERY DAY as if we all care that much! This guy went as far as bringin his mom into work to meet us on his day off! He said they "Were in the neighborhood!" Ha Ha! I try sohard to let it roll off my back, but it has been building a lot again lately. I try so hard to please him to avoid his crap, but even that doesn't help. I do ask him for help too, and he remembers that for a whole day! Then it is back to "hey, was I talking to you?" What a jerk!
Thanks again for your feedback. I can now see the humor in it and how much he is being insecure himself.

I don't see anything worng with what you're doing. If you know the answer tell them! If you want to help, help! And if one day a promotion comes along, take it. You deserve it.


P.S I would never come in to work on my day off.

He is a weird-o isn't he for coming in to work, isn;t h'? I should tell him to take up the program and see how much he needs the help too.

I would through questions back to him such as, What ideas do you have? People with negative attitudes are typically benign or malignant. When it does not stop, it effects everyone. He is touching on a hostile work environment with his comments. Believe me that is not a good thing.

Kel
Sounds like you are doing a good job of managing your emotions. That means letting it out a little and holding it back a little. Your coworker is obviously struggling to feel good about himself. We can all relate, whether we outwardly attack someone or just let it seethe inside, we all know what it feels like to feel jealous and inferior. It is not your job to make him feel better, but since you are a natural "helper", you may see an oportunity to say a kind word.

Good job of working thru the issues.
Tammy

Yep, I agree. It sounds like work is his LIFE. I worked with someone like that...work was her life. I almost pitied her because of it. I think he is probably feeling threatened by you since the job is all he has and doesn't want anyone else to be as important as himself. I think you ought to ask for his opinion once in a while, throw him a bone, so to speak. It makes you feel better about yourself when you do good things for others.

Melissa

Well everyone, since I posted, he has become a bit more realistic and ot such a jerk to me. He even asked ME for help today! Ha Ha! I win I win!
Every few months he gets this way to me, and if I can just float through it without fighting back, it goes away.
Thanks again for all of your comments and suggestions.

Hi Kellbelle,
I've been there and I know exactly what it feels like. When I worked with "problem" adolescents as a highchool teacher, I developed a great rapport with my students. One of my co-workers became so jealous that she actually called me names in the presence of some students, and once in front of our fellow teachers and also in front of the principal! She really went too far! I decided that enough was enough I decided to confront her on this issue. She realized that she acted impulsively and apologized. Sometimes it is better to be straight forward and address the person in question to get the problem solved. I'm glad our conversation was very productive. As I spoke to her I realized that I was in the presence of a very immature girl who was completly overwhelmed teaching kids who were almost as old as she was. I felt as if a light had just been turned on, and I could see the situation in a different way. Your co-worker is probably jealous of you and acts that way because he doesn't know how to deal with his feelings. A heart-to-heart talk with him at this point might sound like a crazy idea, but may be it would be worth trying...