Hi, just new to this-- having problems putting aside neg thoughts about my sister in law--how do you deal with her children who hit / are terribly naughty and hurt your child? I have obsessive thinking about it and can't get it out of my mind- I try not to talk to my husband about this issue but can't seem to not at times. How do I deal with the situation- I protect my kids and then just forget how stupid she is for not discipling her kids when they hit mine? how do I turn a negative thought about her 3 year old into something to turn this off in my head???

Hi Kmalmom, some people are good parents and some are not so good at it...as with teachers ect...I do not think it would be bad for you to explain to the 3 yr old that that is not nice! I have found that when I did this my brother or sister inlaw did not say a word or seem to care. I remember a time my nephews 5th birthday party with a house packed with little kids and my 4 yr daughter. My nephew started dropping the f bomb...My wise daughter at 4 looked at me with horror. I told her for anyone that wanted to hear that that was not good behavoir and how proud I was of her! I walked over and informed my brother inlaw and was amazed at his reaction....he said we figure if we ignore it he will stop!!! Today I have a smart respectable 23 yrs old daughter going to college. My nephew is now 24 doesnt work or go to school and to this day drops the f bomb anytime he wants! Your hard work with your kids will pay off!!!

Thankyou. I guess that is the positive I need to try- Some people are good parents and some arenot. It has gotten to the point at parties
where two one year olds are jumped on and hurt by toys being thrown at them intentionaly.- In that situation I stood up and disciplined the kid infront of his parents because they did nothing about it- and his mom says "well they probably hit him first"- to that I said nothing
I was stunned.--everyone in the room rolled thier eyes--it is just a tough situation that I need to get a way to quit dwelling on because it gets me upset and angry and it gets my husband irritated and mad at me for dwelling on it. -

Do you have to go to these parties? Sometimes I think some families spend too much time together. When I have an obsessive thought about someone and I want to say something to them. I sit and think for a while about how I can phrase my protest in a polite and positive way. Maybe you can get a high school student who is interested in children to come along and supervise the children's play. Maybe you can bring a game for all them to play under supervision. If it gets too bad,get a babysitter and leave your child at home. When you leave the party don't bring those bad parents and kids home with you, (in your obsessive thoughts). Are you overreacting? I find myself too sensitive, maybe its really no big deal.

I am required to attend - my husbands family is tight- which is usually a good thing. I have reduced the amount of time I spend-- but birthday parties of Godchildren are not to be missed- and I really do want to get along with her. I don't think I am overreacting- I have seen the child take the head of a 16 month old and push him down 4 steps-- its bad. I know I would not allow my child to do what he does-- I will just need to separate myself mentally from it- and like you said not take them home with me-{good thought)-thanks- I will try the stop sign image in my head and think its not my child-and know I have more important things to think about.

Hello Kmalmom,
I understand how you feel about your husband's family and not wanting to cause problems. It can really be terrible when you have to watch someone else's children bully other kids including yours. Unfortunately this is never a win/win situation, someone will always be upset no matter what you do. In my experiences with my son I found that the best solution when I saw something like that was to immediately take the offending child to their parents and in a polite non-threatening manner quietly explain to them what happened and ask them what they are going to do to fix the problem. If they are contrite about it or refuse to address the issue and keep letting their child hurt other children then politely explain to them that you understand that how they choose to let their child behave is entirely up to them, but as the parent of the child who is being hurt it is your responsibility to protect them from other children who want to hurt them and as such if their child cannot or will not play nice with them then you will have no choice but to not allow your child to play with theirs any longer. And if your husband gets mad about it then calmly tell him that as a loving parent you cannot allow his children to be hurt and that you would expect him to do the same thing if it was your sister's/brother's kids that was hurting your child. And then explain to him that if he can find a way for your children to play safely with his nephew/neice etc, then you would be happy to allow them to play together, but until that happens you cannot in all good concience allow your babies to be hurt no matter if they are family members or strangers doing it. And then you need to stick by your principles and not feel guilty or anxious about your decision, because in the end you are responsible for the life and safety of your children and the alternative to some hurt feelings on their part could be more deadly for your children if this other child is allowed to keep up with his bad behaviour. Pushing a child down the stairs is very serious and could have resulted in a broken neck. So please never feel anxious about protecting your babies, they were placed in your care by God and he is the only person you need to answer to.