I am reaching out to all the parents out there, or basically anyone with advice on how to handle this. I need help trying to keep it together for my children. I'm working on Session 4 Expectations and I have learned I truly have high expectations for myself and my family. But the pressure I feel on a daily basis since summer break is the pressure of interacting with them when all I want to do is stay under the covers all day.
I have two small children so they rely on me for just about everything and I feel like this week I have been a big downer especially today. My anxiety level is through the roof. Normally we do one big thing a week, but I haven't wanted to leave the house. Which scares me because I suffered from a Social Phobia eight years ago and that was hard to go through with the one child I had at that time. I feel so disconnected from my children and I desperately need to not feel this way. Any one have any good advice?

I am so glad you said something about this because I so feel the same way! I am a SAHM with 3 (5 and under) and there have been times I just couldn't bring myself to being a Mommy on certain days. I am embarrassed to admit there were times I would just sit on the couch and watch them play. I couldn't interact with them for so long because I was so focused on me, what was going on inside of me, and all my fears. If I wasn't doing that, I was yelling at them for one reason or another, which I am ashamed to say I have done frequently during their young lives and I found out it was because of anxiety! Finally, my kids started "rebelling" in their own way. My eldest daughter stopped listening to me and was disobeying me left and right, my middle daughter had major tantrums, and my son would act out some, but not to all that degree. They needed me, my attention. I knew that wasn't the kind of Mommy I wanted to be, and they were learning a lot of my bad qualities. I think what snapped me back to reality is my middle child saying, "Mommy, you don't play with us, don't you love us?" SO, I decided to make the CHOICE to get better --mainly for them. I want my kids to look back on their childhoods with happiness, not Mommy just being a presence, or Mommy always yelling at them. So, I decided I could do this. It is a process, though, but I keep trying. My kids are my world and they deserve better than what I have given them. I feel a lot of my "yelling" anxiety stemmed from the fact I was afraid if I wasn't the perfect mother, my kids would turn out horrible. Thus, it wasn't them causing me to yell, I just put a lot of pressure on myself wanting to be perfect. Thanks to this anxiety, I realized I wasn't -- and I realized, that's ok. I think the most important thing is for the kids to know they are loved first and foremost and everything else will fall into place. We can do this. And, we can become positive role models for our kids. I believe that.

I can relate my 13 year old daughter keeps saying Im grumpy even though I try to balance disipline with love.

Finally someone who understands,

Thank both of you for responding. Yesterday my anxiety level got so high I just couldn't handle it. I think I am learning that what your kids and other people do, you shouldn't take personally. When my children want to play or give me a hug, or interact with me, thatthem just them wanting to spend time with Mommy not take my peace away or disturb me in anyway. I'm learning but it is a daily struggle to interact with them and not let depression and anxiety rule my life when it comes to my children. It is very often that Mommy looks sad or is unhappy more than I smile and look like I enjoy them. So yes I do agree I need to get better not only for myself but for them. I too worry that they are going to look back when they are older and wonder was Mom ever happy? Was it us who made her unhappy? Just one more reason to continue to encourage each other to pull ourselves up and get better.

Please feel free to contact me anytime. I think we can help one another. It sounds as if we are both coming from the same place and have the same concerns. I am relieved to know I am not crazy and what I am going though just comes with the territory of anxiety -- it's so unfortunate because it really does affect others around us and those we love.

Thanks again. Anytime you need to talk, I'm here!