Hi everyone:

I am on tape 2. I was feeling really anxious this week. I was home alone a lot and it seems to make it worse. For me, scary thoughts have always made me anxious. I anticipate them and the ensuing anxiety. I am then not relaxed at all. I am just not myself. Because of working through the program and learning to relax, I found myself having difficulty just being with people. It seemed like my senses were just all up in arms. It was very weird and scary. I wanted to stay by myself because it was a cruddy feeling. I decided the program was right, if I didn't go out with my friends, I would feel like a loser. So I went out with my friends. Of course I had moments of just feeling weird, anxious, and all that goes with it. It was very uncomfortable. But I shared with a friend some of the info on the tape, not really sharing my story but just that I had anxiety and that I learned some stuff and it really helped. Just to say it seemed to help a little. I found myself letting it go and actually being myself most of the time from that point on. We laughed a lot and it felt great.

One of things I found myself doing was not really looking at anyone anymore. Not relaxed anyways. I tried an experiment. While out dancing, I decided to really look at the person I was dancing with. In the eyes. I found myself smiling and laughing. I really had fun. And the person I was dancing with, also seemed to get a lot more relaxed. I didn't know this person but they seemed like a shy person so when I noticed this relaxation come over them, it was like an eye opener. If we can allow ourselves to relax enough to be us, truly look at a person and enjoy.. life is more fun and you get a very positive feeling from it. So I carried it through with my friends and I tell ya, much better. I have work to do in this area but I am going to keep trying. My confidence really left me during all of this and it feels good when it comes back.

I know the feeling of not making eye contact. What is that all about? Sometimes I felt like I couldn't smile. I am on week 3 and Im being careful to monitor negative thoughts. I also am trying not to pursue negative conversations. I find now that I am emphasizing the positive more people around me are smiling. I like that. When I am focusing on the positive the people around me seem positive and happier. When I find myself obsessing I turn it around. Life is good.

Your story is encouraging. I am a beginner, and it seems that in my week one peer group, every one is looking for these stories. Thanks.

I am a little nervous about starting this program, maybe thats the way we all feel the first day of getting the cd's, I hope, so wish me luck community, thanks

Thanks for the tip about eye contact. I am often uncomfortable in social situations (especially clubs) and, when I think about it, I would go out of my way NOT to make eye contact! No wonder I don't seem to meet people. I think I'm afraid someone might actually see me -- the real me inside -- and not like me.

Having a rough couple of days. I made Thanksgiving dinner yesterday. My 25yr old son and my boyfriend (of 15 months) were supposed to come. Well, my son bailed at the last minute and I had a disagreement with my boyfriend (geez, boyfriend sounds wierd when we're in our 50's) about the amount of time we spend (or don't) together. I believe he has commitment issues as our relationship still consists of an overnight date every other Sat night. He makes no effort to get involved in my life and seems to resist my getting involved in his. I am having trouble dealing with the fact that I will never have with him the loving partnership/relationship that I want. I need to move on but I keep thinking if I just love him enough he will finally let me in and love me back. Gosh, I sound pathetic, don't I? I know this is codependent behaviour and am trying to be strong but it's tough. It's especially hard with all the jolly Christmas stuff starting up. I really fear the horrible loneliness of empty holidays as it is easy to slip into the "poor me" hole. I am trying to keep positive thoughts in my head and am using session #1 cue card.

My support circle is very small so thanks for "listening". It helps knowing somebody out there understands ...

Canuck13

I feel your pain Canuck13. I'm 47 with a boyfriend. Think of it. We have just entered a huge world of other people, all with similar problems to our own. We understand one another. because I do not want to spend the rest of my life like this, and because i have a big heart, like you, and every one else here, we make the best support group. Don't stay home for the Holidays. Go to some one else's. Let them do the cooking and clean up the mess for a change. Surely there are friends or family, maybe you have felt uncomfortable about going there, but do it! Then you wont be alone, and your in control of when you get to leave, your not over whelmed with cleaning up, and you get to try out some of the things they will be teaching you. Fill your thoughts with the things that are good when you thing what if and reject the bad. It will be a much better Christmas this year. If your boyfriend doesn't want to be there, find one who does! You will feel a million times better. I plan on feeling a million times better.