I've always considered myself depressed rather than anxious, but after listening to the first CD, I flashed back to the only two anxiety attacks I can recall. I was 18 (23 years ago, the math tells me) and about to enter college, then again during finals of the spring semester.

Those were the last semesters I performed up to my own expectations academically. I gave up because I couldn't be perfect and didn't maintain my 4.0. The choice seemed to be high-performing anxiety or being happy with Bs and Cs. Deep inside I've always known, though, that I'm wired to be an academic high-performer and most fulfilled then.

Today, while I don't have attacks, I do have a general anxiety around paperwork and mail. Piles of it everywhere. I hate it, don't know how to organize it and much of it requires me to respond which feels like a doctoral dissertation for even the most minute of tasks.

It affects my work as much as my home life. I keep pretending I'll have an admin to file it all but that ain't gonna happen.

Anyone else have this issue?

Thx

I have always had that problem with paperwork. At home and at work (I'm a teacher). I DO know how to organize it, I just never get to it. For me it is compounded when taking care of the paper means making a phone call. I Hate making phone calls.
I know part of the problem has been that perfectionist in me that makes me feel like it has to be done perfectly and if I don't have time to do it perfectly I might as well not bother. I've tried to work on that piece over the years and made some changes, like: I file my bils by month-paid rather than by each company...take the whole stack after paying bills and throw it in a folder. That helped for a long time until I got behind and have never caught up. It drives me crazy because at work, losing things in a pile makes things that much harder to do; at home, I often miss out on opportunities (like mailing a rebate in on time) or lose money when I have to pay a late fee.
I don't know the answer. Hopefully, thru this program we'll gain more self-confidence for completely the task and will feel less pressure to do it 100% all the time.

Suggest when mail arrives, open bills & process KNOW, do not procrastinate as you will lose or forget. Put off will cause more worry & wasted time thinking & dwelling on when or how to do in future.

quote:

Originally posted by ManicMechanic:
Suggest when mail arrives, open bills & process KNOW, do not procrastinate as you will lose or forget. Put off will cause more worry & wasted time thinking & dwelling on when or how to do in future.

I have to admit it: when I read your response MM, I got really defensive. Of course I know that is the best way to do it and that I shouldn't procrastinate. I know all the things I should do to make my life better. It's getting myself to do it that is the problem.
So, yes, that is a good suggestion. I was actually just saying the other day at work to someone that that is the first thing you learn in time management: never touch a piece of paper twice. when I had a desk job, that was much easier. As a teacher, impossible. At home, realistically who can stop and respond to mail everyday? Now what I've tried to do is at least open it everyday so that I can throw away or sort everything. Best laid plans, I usually only keep up with that for a few days. Next thing I know, I have a big pile of unopened mail. (which, of course, is next to the pile of dirty dishes, behind the pile of dirty laundry, etc.)
And it's hard to feel good about yourself, when you have all that to do and can't keep up. Thus the downward spiral of depression.
I haven't given up yet though!

It will get better, with some off days. I recently did not follow my own advice & it took a week to find that days mail. Tossed it behind the seat when in a rush to leave. A set place to place important mail is a priority, or leave it in the mailbox till you have a minute to sort & shred the junk mail. Hope this helps, better to be defensive than defeated.

I am a teacher as well, and I know how paper work can get. We need to praise ourselves for any size task completed instead of worrying that what we do is never enough.

I have two young kids, and often my fantasy is getting a babysitter, to get them out of my hair so that I can sort my papers! Not exactly the dinner/movie or pedicure many would wish for. Personally, I am trying to just accept the fact that there will always be a pile of papers, and I will sort through them every so often, and sometimes miss things (how important was that $5 rebate in the scheme of things?). Can you eliminate the problem? Or just change your reaction to it?

I have two teens and I am so worn out by the days end from running all over town it feels like we do it constantly for sports.. I actually will say "no" to one sport next year.

Yet I wake up in tht emiddle of the night, sometime it can be a dream or I just wake up.

Thank you all for your responses, perspective and encouragement.

One reason I don't want to sort my papers is that so many of them are bills and I'm constantly aware that I don't have enough to pay them, despite making more money than I ever have. I've slashed my costs to a minimum but between child support, the IRS and credit card bills from a business startup that didn't pay off, the math doesn't work.

Last night, ignoring the paperwork caught up with me. It was a living hell all night long.

The stupid part of it is that I currently have the cash on hand to get through one more month but I know that my finances are systemically flawed.

That pile of paper represents failure, fear and ongoing inability to recognize my dreams and goals.

I asked several of my friends to pray for me today. Not for a change in circumstances; I've tried that for years and God's not interested in that apparently. Rather, for joy, eternal perspective and endurance. It helped.

Thank you all for your compassionate responses.

It's so funny that I found this discussion topic today because I have a pile on my desk and in two other places to go through.

I find that I procrasitnate partly because I am resentful that "I" am responsible for all of the papers in the family. Everything from school, bills, correspondence, junk mail, etc.

But I also put it off because I think I don't have time to do it. I think that other things are more important for me to do in the time frame and I put off the paper mess. We know this doesn't work.

I also dread the guilt of putting off something I was supposed to do that's buried in the pile. I don't really want to do all the things in the pile, which is why I pile them up. My "To Do" file is really a "Forget It" file. I never go back to it until it's too late to do the things in it.

However, I have been able to consistently do the sorting thing with mail. And I have finally been able to handle my bill paying without anxiety using my credit union's on-line bill paying service. It took time for these habits to take hold, though. Like several months of working at it and making mistakes.

I encourage all of you to keep at it, even if you don't do it everyday. And to attack the bill aspect one chunk at a time. I ALWAYS found that I felt better knowing exactly where I stood than keeping myself in the dark and worrying about it. If I knew the situation, then I could come up with ideas to solve it. Take the time you need, and reward yourself for getting through it, one step at a time. Another trick is to set the timer and give yourself 30 minutes to work on it, then take a break. You will probably find that you get into it and want to go another 30 minutes rather than not.

Thanks for the talk. Singin' Mom

I do all my bill paying except rare one through the credit union. I started that when I only got mail once every 6-8 months and pay ahead of time. I would love to figure out how to only handle the paper once. One paerson gave me the idea of putting receipts on a big piece of paper so I do not have to handle all those littel pieces of paper. I am good about setting up organized systems but then not using them. I wonder if this isn't a way of putting myself down because I SHOULD be more organized.

WOW- it's amazing how many of us are teachers in this discussion. I teach high school English and the paperwork is NEVERENDING! Additionally, it seems like I'm constantly procrastinating because I want the comments I make on students' papers to be precise, thorough, clever, and, yes, perfect.

I HATE this; and as much as I love the interaction of teaching, I'm taking a sabbatical next year because I simply cannot stand or handle it anymore. Especially all the administrative crap that seems to snowball every year. No child left behind- yeah, right. How about No teachers left?

Ironically, I'm intending to be on the other side of the desk... we'll see how that goes.

Back to the paper issue. I can completely relate about mail and bills, and I don't even want to think about how much $ I've wasted not filling out rebates (computer, cell phones, home improvement items...). I completely agree with c.florence about auto bill pay- it's one less worry. For mail, I keep a recycling bin right beside the door and after reading everyone's comments, I'm going to move the paper shredder next to it.

As for school- after teaching for 13 years, I have a ton of junk! Much of which, I haven't looked at for years. So, I've simply been giving or tossing any and everything I don't need. I have three file cabinents FULL of handouts, sample projects, late papers I never bothered correcting... and it is SO liberating to dump it in the garbage. On the last day of school, my goal is to walk out of my room with ONERubbermaid container. I can't wait!

I don't know if this was really helpful, but it sure felt great to write!
fischee

Hi,
thought I would join the discussion as well. I used to be a teacher so I guess I fit in here. I get anxious over the paperwork for 2 reasons;
1. I hate the clutter on the counters and
2. No one else in my household seems to know how to do anything with their own papers.

I have learned how to do with some of it. I go through the mail each day and throw away all the junk mail. I actually enjoy throwing it away as if it symbolizes throwing away other bad things in my life. Then I have a special shelf on the wall where I put all the bills that have to be paid. But so much of the time what is left is the stuff I don't know what to do with. So it sits and piles up.

oh well, I guess I could do what my sister-in-law does, She puts in all in the microwave and throws it away when it gets too full in there.

DeniseD

DeniseD,
I laughed at the microwave example. I am like you I don't know what to do with the in between stuff. My physician says he pays every bill the day it comes in; he does not trust the automatic bill paying. He never goes on vacation so he does not have to think about ads that come in the mail. You can see I have even tried "professional" assistance with the problem.
Fischee,
What will you be learning as a student? An MAT? I always go back to school to cope with the stress in my life. The instant rewards in school make me feel good but it is gettingharder to sit in a classroom. I prefer to go to school online.
The two of you have brightened my morning before I go off to school, as teacher not student.