I need a little assistance with some negative thinking/what ifs.

I let my son go to a birthday party last weekend at his little freinds house with several other kids. I didn't know the parents well. They were taking their son and several little friends to the movies first and then home for pizza. I went with my son to the movies and we all met up. I felt pretty comfortable letting my son go back to the house for pizza party after meeting his parents. They both seemed very responsible with all the children. I dropped my son off and picked him up.( there were about 4-5 9 yr old boys). When I dropped him off my panic level was high but I successfully used my skills to calm myself. I went back to pick him up about 90 mintues later when the party was over and he had a wonderful time.

I find that whenever my kids are out of my sight I am always concerned about their saftey. I make myslef so anxious over it. I have been working with a therapist who has helped me to see that my kids need to be able to be kids and have friends. So i am doing more with them and allowing their friends to come to our house or let them go to someone else. I really need to be familiar with the parent before I let them go. This was the first time my son had gone to a party and has stayed on his own. I did stay a few minutes when dropping him off and I checked with him before leaving. I did go back a few minutes early to pick him up. As I said he had a wondrful time and was so gratiful that I had let him go.

So I decided to let him have the little boy whos party it was over to visit today. It went really well. While talking to the mom she mentioned that her husband used to be a hunter but doesn't hunt since moving to this area. He had given his 2 favorite guns away to a frinde.

Here is the part I need a little help processing. I have been beating myself up over the fact that when I dropped him to the party I did not even think to ask if there were any guns in the house. Just before the play date was to end I began to beat myself up over the fact that I did not think to ask about guns. This is a question I have asked when my older son had gone to other kids houses to play. I didn't even think of it when I dropped my other son off at the party.

When the mom came to pick up her son we spoke for a few minutes. I mentioned that they had watched a few minutes of a movie and I wanted to let her know. Her son had told me that his mom was ok with him watching as he had seen it before. I let my kids watch it but I always try to be aware that not all parents think like I do. I did tell the mother and she was ok with it. I said I try to be respectful of other people's wishes when their childern are visiting. She mentioned that she likes to let parents know that her kids have a collection of guns that she likes to tell the parents because some parents doen't like their kids palying with them. I mentioned I was one of those parents who was uncomfortable with that kind of play.

My mind started racing what if she talking about real guns. The rationale side of me said no parent is going to let a child play with a real gun or have a collection of real guns. That got me obessessing than what if there were real guns in the house again. This hit me as soon as she had said it. While trying to pull it together her son got his coat on and they left.

Now here I am worrying myself sick over this and beating myself up. I keep telling myself that no rationale mother is going to let her kids 9-11 play with real guns. I am scarying myself and beating myself over the fact that I did not think to ask if there were any guns in the house.

So if anyone has some thoughts of comfort I could really use it now. I apologize for the long post but I feel I need to get this all out. Thank you for listening. Take care and God Bless.

I just caught a few minutes of the news where some kid in another state shot at a school bus full of kids. This really kicked in my anxiety which triggered a memory of when I was younger we did have a gun in our house. My older brother got it from his girlfriend's uncle who had passed away. I think it was a rifle. I remember being so frightened of it when I was younger, I started having scary what if thoughts about the past. What if I picked it up and aimed it at someone, what if I pulled the trigger what if killed someone touching the weapon. To the best of my knowlegde I was pretty much a teenager when I found it in the basement. I remeber being so afraid to touch or even look at it even back then. So I think this is my scary crappy anxiety thinking taking over.

I will try and practice my breathing and skills but I am definitely feeling very nausea right now. Thanks again for listening. take care and God Bless.

bna,
Ask her what kind of guns are they? Are they real guns? Are they toy guns? You don't want anyone, child or adult playing with real guns.
A lot of parents don't care for their children playing with guns, toy or not. You can't think of everything. Most responsible gun owners will keep their weapons in a gun safe. You have a right to know if they keep real guns in the house that the kids can access. Nothing happened to your child so stop beating yourself up. If they have real guns that the children can access do not let your child play at that house and let the mother know why. I am an NRA member and I believe in responsible gun ownership. You are not going to know every question to ask. Stop beating yourself up. You don't deserve it.

I can tell that you are really worried about this and I can relate to it. I have three children and let them go to friends houses to visit. As parents, we always worry about the safety of our children. My children are older now and go where they please and I still worry sometimes. If we raise them with good sense they will know how to take care of themselves. We can teach them how to be careful around guns. We can ask other parents how they feel about it. We can ask to see how they safely store their guns if they have them.

I guess we have to trust that they would not want their children to be hurt either.

SunnyFL

Thank you both for your kind words. After i finished posting last night I decided I made myself sick with anxiety and worry only I could make myself feel better. I did my breathing/self talk to calm myself and then took out my journal and wrote till I felt better.

What amzed me was I began to feel this incredible sense of peace that I couldn't put into words. It was like what they describe in the Bible- the peace that surpasses all understanding.

Like most people with anxiety we begin to wonder where God is and how could He forsake us. What I realized last night was I felt Him there giving me this incredible sense of peace. I felt calm and relaxed and was able to enjoy what was the rest of my evening.

When I woke this morning. I could feel the anxiety beginning to rear its ugly head again over this issue. I think once again God was coming to my assistance with resolving my fears. I began to recall when my younger sisters and I used to play cowboys/indians and cops/robbers.She had a toy rifle and that's we used to play with. The whole fear of could I have pointed a gun at someone was a memeory from when we were really young when we played cops/robbers.

Words cannot describe how proud of myself I am for having used what are the skills I am learning in this program. I chose to use my skills, to breathe, self talk, journal and be open to God, instead of dwelling in my fear and anxiety.

Anxiety stinks. But we do have choices. We can let it take over our lives or we can stand up to it and work our way through it. Facing my fear last night was difficult I won't lie but the feeling of accomplishment after working through it is so much better.

So I hope my experience can give someone who is having a difficult time, the courage to stand firm in faith and believe in yourself and these skills. Take care and God Bless.