Hi,
I'm extremely agoraphobic and have been for many years. Because of my disability my husband and I can't adopt kids because I am unable to be alone. I have a great amount of guilt. I told my husband that if he wanted to be with someone else that he could have children with that I would understand. He says "No way, I'm staying and I love you" I don't know why he loves me because I have so little to offer. Sure I think I am a good person but he is losing so much because of me. I want him to be happy and I hate myself for being this way.
I haven't had the program long but I pray that it will help. I guess I need encouragement.
barbriellen

Barbriellen,
Thats alot to carry...I can relate. My husband has given up alot also because of my disorder. I can function pretty good, but because years ago i made him my "safe person", I get nervous when or if he goes away or somewhere I feel I cant get to him if I needed to. He use to deliver boats to the islands and loved to go 6 hours out in the ocean to fish the canyons...or take off for NC and go surfing. He has given that all up for years because of me....and I carry alot of guilt also about it. But he does love me too and hangs in there. I think if I was without him or my kids, I wouldnt really try to get past this thing. I'd be happy to just stay on the little island we live on and not go anywhere! But for their sake I keep trying to get a grip on it. I have made some progress in this one area with my husband and lots of progress in other areas that add to the anxiety problem. Which there are usually several contributing factors for why we stay as anxious as we do...right? Somewhere deep within I have acknowledged that Mike is not my "safe person"...that its all been a game I made up long ago to cope. When I get anxious now and think I may need to call him or have him drive me offshore somewhere...I do alot of dialoging and journaling (boy alot comes out in jounaling that is so theraputic and freeing...its as though God is writing to me)to counteract that "stuck thought". I know its slowly weakening and believe in time it will give way. Its a catch 22 though...as much as I want to let go of depending so much on Mike...I dont want to. But God is prying it out of my hot little grip because He doesnt want me dependant on anyone but HIM! Thats where true freedom lies and He wants that for me. So I know its alot of guilt to carry, but let it motivate you to work extra hard to break free. YOU CAN DO IT! SO CAN I!
Peaches

Hi Barbriellen,

I can identify with feeling trapped or stuck and unable to get free. I was there before starting the MWC program. Over the last couple of years the program has helped me to break free of guilt, forgive myself for real and perceived failures, and build self-esteem and confidence. I encourage you to love and accept yourself unconditionally. This means even in your current condition to love and accept yourself. Conditional love and acceptance is based upon our ability to perform and meet certain standards. Maybe you think if you could only overcome your agoraphobia you could love and accept yourself, or if only I could be okay alone then I could accept myself or whatever else you may think you need to do in order to be acceptable in your own sight. This is much of what causes our problems and disorders. We reject ourselves because of our inability to perform the way we want to. Your husband loves and accepts you unconditionally. As you work with the program you need to do the same. As I said, it is your rejection and hatred of yourself that is much of the problem. This is self destructive and keeps us in negative thinking. I encourage you to love and accept yourself every hour of every day just as you are. When you learn to do this you will begin to improve. It will bring healing to your mind and thoughts. Letting go of guilt is also very important. This keeps us in a prison with negative thoughts also. I would encourage you at this point to give up the idea of adopting children. Let it go and let the guilt go as well. Who says that you should adopt children? Who's should is that? AS I said, I would encourage you to let that expectation go.

You are worthy of respect and self esteem just as you are. As you work on your negative thinking and learning how to think more lovingly and compassionately toward yourself, self esteem will begin to develop and so will confidence. It is the self criticism that destroys self esteem. Welcome to the program and the forum.

barbriellen ,

I have also suffered with agoraphobia ( to some extent) so I have an idea where you are coming from.

I want to assure you that you can overcome this problem if you REALLY want to and are willing to face some unpleasant symptoms of anxiety and panic.

You may feel encouraged to learn that many people suffer with this problem and have overcome it, one little step at a time.

Please visit these sites for more information on how to take steps to overcome your agoraphobia:

http://www.paniccure.com/Overcoming_Agoraphobia/Overcoming_Agoraphobia.htm

http://www.algy.com/anxiety/NEWS/

http://www.healthyplace.com/Communities/Anxiety/ellen/index.html

PEACHES BABY,
GOD WANTS YOU TO BE INDEPENDENT OF EVRYONE BUT HIM. (LOVE/ NO FEAR)
A PLAY ON WORDS? YES, BUT I AGREE WITH DONNY53 AGAIN. WHICH IS BECOMING WEIRD! BUT HE IS RIGHT! THINK HIGHLY OF YOURSELF, GOD DOES!
O/N

Hi Everyone,
Thank you all for the kind words. It is my hope as well as my husbands to adopt. I believe though as Don53 said that it would be best for me to give up this expectation at this time. I don't have the ability and I know it. So why keep longing for things I know I can't have.
I enjoy reading the posts and wish the very best for each and everyone of you.
barbriellen