I read some of these posts in this forum and I'm amazed at how secretive we are about the things that we feel guilty about. Of course, we're not proud of the things we did, which is we're in this forum and in this program to begin with, but I never really considered how much shame went into the way people felt until I looked through this forum and saw that no one was posting anything with specifics.

I'll start! I have a couple of regrets that are jabbing at my conscience and I could use some advice from anyone out there who is willing to offer it.

About a month ago (long time), I sent out an e-mail to my academic advisor asking for some fundraising advice for my club, but with a clever tongue and a few poorly chosen words I happened to say that the club's advisor was "less than helpful" on the matter. So in the process of trying to help me, my academic advisor sent out an e-mail to a couple of departmental chairs looking for sponsorship, unfortunately he forwarded my e-mail with it. Of course, that e-mail came back to the club advisor, who has now resigned as club advisor, as well as, held an hour-long meeting with me about the what-nots of how to continue my club business.

To cut to the chase, I didn't mean for things to sound as negative in the e-mail as they came out. On the other hand, this particular professor has never been on too good of a side with me and does have a tendancy to be overly blunt about things. And lastly, she is one of few (3) professors in my major department so I have to see a considerable amount of her. One professor is leaving so she will be 1 of 2 professors next semester (my last). (I don't have to take anymore classes with her, but just the tense presence of being around each other in the same department is growing in discomfort.)

I need to make peace with myself, if not her. Can someone help?

Hi Lena,

I saw your post, and the best that I can offer is 1. Always remember that e-mails can and usually do come back to haunt you. I was just remebering a friend who's an HR manager who in an e-mail recommended someone to be fired. The person on the chopping block accidently got a copy of this e-mail. Boy was she embarrased.

But are you guilty because of what you said, or that you got caught? Maybe just lay your cards on the table with the blunt professor, and let her know you weren't trying to be underhanded or sneaky, but you stand by what you said (if in fact you do). Then know that how she chooses to react to you from here on out is up to her. No more explanations or groveling necessary.

I had a math professor that took her time turning in my grade. I called her and asked her if she could just let me know, because the grade affected what I needed to do about finacial aid or something, I don't remember. But she got miffed, and when I'd see her in passing the next semester, once she rolled her eyes at me, once I was speaking to another professor, and she was sitting next to him, looking at me like 'what do YOU want?'. I felt guilty about maybe being to pushy with her, but then I realized I didn't deserve a nasty reaction from her. She was choosing to behave this way because that's just how she was. Her problem not mine.

Yes, yes. All very good advise. I just wish I knew how to be so assertive with what needs to be said. Maybe nothing needs to be said.

I spoke to my advisor about how much it was still bothering me. He said that if their was anything specific (I guess in terms of the way "she" acts around me) that the issue could be brought up. But of course, I didn't really have anything of the sort, it was just guilt.

Guilt at having got caught, now that you mention it.