I am having a hard time dealing with guilt, i got divorced in april because i thought he was causing all my anxiety,guess what i am learning it was me, now i can't help but think i made a big mistake, i still love him, it was 20 yrs of marriage,i don't know how to go on, i feel awfull, please help me

kae~

Hi. Have you talked and shared this information with your ex? I am not saying you'll get back together but you never know! It may also help because you may learn that it really wasn't your anxiety or you. Sometimes things just don't work out for whatever reason you know? But you wont know until you talk about it openly with him.

Take care-Silvana

This is a time of learning for both of you, Kae. Perhaps a new beginning - not an ending. Take this time to practice getting out of your thinking mind (which is beating you up) and go into the feelings in your body. Where do you feel your discomfort over this situation? Go to that part of you. When mind drags you back into thinking, just leave the thoughts where they are and gently bring yourself back to the feeling in your body. Don't believe the ego thinking mind. Your feeling body will tell you what you really need to know. Trust it.

Many blessings.
Bon

Guilt has a way of just making us feel terrible, doesnt it? YOu know, you did the best you could at the time with what info you had. I suffered with this for a good while before I knew what it was. Use this time to learn how to make a new and better you. You can always talk to your ex and tell him that you know this wasnt all his fault and you are sorry. THat may help, but learning to forgive ourself is an important thing. Work the program and learn how to enjoy today.
Reena

Hi Kae,

Maybe you could help me. I too am wondering if perhaps my spouse is the cause of my anxiety. I'm wondering what you learned about yourself between the time of your divorce and now that makes you believe that you are the cause of your anxiety, not your spouse?

Looking forward to hearing from you.

AndreaMarie

andreamarie this is kae, i have learned that not all of my anxiety was caused by him, some of the put downs and verble abuse was his fault, my way of dealing with it caused my anxiety, i shut down and stopped living. i am lonely but don't regret it now, i have become stongern person, do the program and things will change for you, talk to you soon kae

This is a difficult time for you and you do not need to give your mind any leeway for more negative thinking. If you feel you want to, go to him and open up your lines of communication( at least on your end), tell him how you feel. About your anxiety. You are completely honest here, and you can be with him also. It doesn't matter how he responds; you no longer have to deal with these feelings. A break-up is never one person's entire fault! You are sensitive and feeling guilty, let it go. Just a suggestion. Everyone has anxiety.

Kae
Sometimes we tend to go overboard in what we precieve to be the cause of our anxiety.But, if we don't try to reconcile these feelings we never know what the true problems are. It sounds to me that you needed to know if your anxiety was due to your marriage. Perhaps in part it was, but being in the situation now, you have begun to realize that there are other factors involved. There is no shame in this. We are all only human. If you hadn't gone this route you would probably still be blaming your marriage for your anxiety. This has been a hard lesson learned, but, I believe you know deep down inside what you need to do. Anxiety is a funny thing. When things aren't right we know it, because we feel it inside. Once you realize why your feeling the way you are you must develope a stratagy on how to eliminate your new found stress. This may be confusing to your ex., but does it not make sense to at least talk to him about your feelings, at least by doing this you can resolve your issues.
Good Luck Sander