I feel as I am starting to get out of the hole or depressed abiss. But it fels wierd. You see my babysitter committed suicide when i was 13 and it really hit me. This is when anxiety took over. I was afraid I would do it because she did it type thing. It has come back again and at times I get anxious/worried or times of depressed thoughts I get those feelings or racing thoughts. But at the same time someone could talk to me and I sound and say great things or I could even be enjoying myself. I could be out golfing and randomly get the thoughts or feelings. Its as if my body has taken over in a positive way but my mind is just so negative as I carry out positve things and at times even enjoy. Its really wierd. Anyone else in this boat? I guess this is part of the healing process and I am not spending time dwelling on it or letting it consume me but in ways it gets me anxious b/c I feel as if I am getting comfortable or somethign with those feelings. LET ME KNOW